To Tyler:
A day-stale memory wants me to tell you,
"I'm sorry."
I mean,
I don't know you personally,
Or even at all,
But I think I experienced you being put in a very particular compartment in a woman's life:
Friend-zoned.
It... Well.
This is as awkward as it was for her.
I don't know her name.
I don't even know where she was from,
But my idle eyes and dispassionate attention tuned in on her through some seats -
Only because my battery ran dry and desperation to communicate my safe travels
Proved more significant than entertaining myself on the journey.
Plus, it's nice to open your eyes for a bit.
But, nevertheless, I'm apologizing
Not because I coerced her to
Or that I knew exactly what was going on and could have stopped it but
Namely because
She pities you.
You're a prime example of
Social conditioning,
Routine ambition and
Something outstandingly ordinary.
I watched her,
Intrigued because
She danced over the surface of her phone
Tender and delicate like she was tickling at your eyelashes
Or like she was testing your tendons
And making sure your joints were not to snap.
She retraced every word, every letter that she pressed,
Analyzed and tried to channel
Prize-worthy comforts.
Ones that would set you on a bed of clouds,
Ones that would not chip her nude-matte nails
Or ones that would keep her honey-gray eyes from watering.
She knew exactly what she wanted to say from the moment you declared
Defeat.
Again and again and again
You asked her
Again and again and sometimes when she switched pages
She over-analyzed it.
She told her friend
And another friend
And another.
But she did not poke fun.
She did not tease you.
Instead, she justified herself.
She felt bad and honestly so,
Because no sensibly wholesome woman,
On a train coming from sandy beaches
And routinely checking her latest instantly-filtered photo of her
Acknowledgment that men fight and women fight
And this country fights
But she does not wish to fight,
Would spend half a train-ride
Thinking of what to say.
How does a person lay them down easy?
How does a woman distract herself from her favorite, bright triangle-patterned shirt
And from the sensual alto two rows behind her
And the overtly observant owl-like eyes one row behind her
And the train that threw her in a multi-directional, multi-dimensional
Spiral of her heart?
She gave you her full attention
With every syllable making sense.
She erased and deleted and repeated
She even let herself sit
And think
And sift
And drink from a tall bottle of Poland Spring,
Fulfilled of its duty for her sunkissed day down by the
Surely these things mean nothing to you.
While she was deliberating her concentrating great debating,
You grew disinterested.
From walls of laughter at a time
To suggestions and prepositions and
Updates on what she meant to you,
To a simple, quirky declaration of your disappointment.
She followed through with her friend, two friends, three friends.
Thankfully she didn't share it in a group that she also was responding interspersedly to.
She told her friends that you were disappointed
She told them that she wished your friendship would be a bridge unburned,
A stone already turned
But not washed away by the current situation.
Her words were always dancing.
Dancing all through minefields of life.
Things we, as human beings, rarely consider.
She knew what she wanted to say, from the moment you declared defeat,
From the moment you chose to be
Interested in her in the way she was not interested in you.
Sometimes it not a bad thing -
To be put in a particular divide.
Sometimes it's better than nothing.
Consider the benefits. Consider your losses.
In the end, friends are hard to come by,
Especially ones who care so greatly for your welfare.
Especially ones who care so greatly.
Especially ones who care.
Especially ones who
Carry a great load of burden and cannot find the words
Or cannot stomach the thoughts
Or cannot bear the truth.
You got the truth.
She told you how she felt.
Even though she tugged and rolled with her feelings, she did not fight,
She did not fight. She did not.
She was truthful to you.
Honest to herself.
Honorable to your friendship.
Which, by the way, she strongly, intuitively believed in.
Take these words, Tyler, and consider them as understanding and complimentary.
You didn't get friend-zoned,
You got a friend who knew what was best for you both
And would always look out for you before she looked out for her Self.
The Self is a private entity.
It is not to be shared brightly
Or trekked over lightly:
It's to stay private until private includes another soul and
Private means another part to become whole.
Your "Ouch!" made her giggle.
It made her one friend laugh.
Another blessed your sweet little heart.
The last talked about a lobster fest, or a seafood fest,
I couldn't read half the things and superimposed my perspective in this scene to a rationalization that may not be all that accurate.
But she was.
Accurate.
Precise.
Intentional.
Like an unstuck nail.
She looked out of the window, watching greens blur into golds and the sky roll over on itself.
Her messy bun was tickled by my receipt of this sojourn, which she was not bothered by.
The ring on her right pinky twirled a few times in her duress,
In her distressed mind processes,
And let's keep something between you and me,
I think she's a great lady, a wonderful one, even
Because of the energy she gives off.
So take her friendship.
Take it in stride.
And win her heart, if that's what you're truly after.
Because they always say,
And I don't know exactly who they is, but they always do say,
The best relationships start off as great friendships.
Good luck, Tyler.
You deserved the nicest rejection I've ever witnessed through an irregular means of occupying my over-stimulated brain
That that woman gave you.
Thank Jane. Or Bridgette. Or Whitney. Or Sarah.
Maybe her name was Michelle. Or Deborah.
Or Anna. Amanda, maybe?
Whatever it was, thank her.
And sorry. Maybe next time.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
i don`t know how to focus, bb teach me how 0o2 }
Well, it's been a wonderful first three months of 2015.
Sorry I haven't been here every waking moment. You're probably really tired of me apologizing, but I am genuinely apologizing for myself.
I developed this habit of talking to myself when it's late at night and I'm outside, star-gazing and ice-slipping after a capella rehearsals or printing things out in the 24-hour lounge of the library. One night, I mentioned finding a better medium to express myself and, believe it or not, that lone conversation I've been having in the cold has helped me reorient my mind.
It feels cluttered, this year, but it's a task I'm willing and always ready to take on. The only inconvenience is the inconsistency of this drive I grip. Like, it's there, but there are times when my passion's tired and when my focus isn't with me. Regardless, I'll push through because no matter how many times I lose sight, the goal is always still there.
Just like if you turn off the light, your hands are still in front of you if you hold them out, so to speak.
A year ago, I probably spoke of naive notions and ensured you that something I believed was a completely malleable perception. This time around, I'm settling in my convictions. I've realized that there's a lot more to this world than letting things roll by and, while this may not be news to you, it's important to me.
He was recently sitting down and just unsheathing his heart. It's a "good heart" as one of my other friends suggested and reminded him. And I tagged onto the frustration in the room when I fathomed where it came from: a conviction to discourage one's self. Eloquently put, he was restricting himself by telling other people "no" when, in reality, he was telling himself "no." And this is precisely why I haven't been sitting down at my computer and sharing my thoughts with anyone anymore.
It's still good a year and 2 months later. =]
What I have to say to everyone who needed this Spring Break to come sooner is that you need to find time out of your busy, hectic day to appreciate yourself. Love yourself before you love anyone else because you won't be able to love them to the best of your ability or love them as much as you'd love to. I'm still working on it, but I've gotten to a very stable part in my life. I know what I want, I know where I'm going. I know who I am.
Sometimes it's really important to know things like that, y'know?
This month will probably help you figure out why the Supermoon happens right before you escape a car crash unscathed or why your gut gets tingly when you see someone's name or why your chest unravels when you're in someone's presence.
This month will probably help you more than you were expecting it to.
I've got things to finish. 2 Scripts, a short film, maybe a comic, assignments as per usual, stories and studies that will enrich me as a student, individual and in pursuit of my happiness.
And I just say that everything has a reason.
Maybe not right now, but you're smart: you'll find it out.
It's nice to be back. See you on Tuesday.
<3 ~ Monty.
=]
Sorry I haven't been here every waking moment. You're probably really tired of me apologizing, but I am genuinely apologizing for myself.
I developed this habit of talking to myself when it's late at night and I'm outside, star-gazing and ice-slipping after a capella rehearsals or printing things out in the 24-hour lounge of the library. One night, I mentioned finding a better medium to express myself and, believe it or not, that lone conversation I've been having in the cold has helped me reorient my mind.
It feels cluttered, this year, but it's a task I'm willing and always ready to take on. The only inconvenience is the inconsistency of this drive I grip. Like, it's there, but there are times when my passion's tired and when my focus isn't with me. Regardless, I'll push through because no matter how many times I lose sight, the goal is always still there.
Just like if you turn off the light, your hands are still in front of you if you hold them out, so to speak.
"Helplessly"
by Tatiana Manaios
by Tatiana Manaios
Markito suggested it to me. I've gotten especially close with him and Igorito this semester. I look forward to living with them for the future handful of years as we discover ourselves and our careers.
I am... on Spring Break.
I've got so many things. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have so many obligations because I dove right into this semester and I was barely in the mindset I needed to be. Maybe it's just the whole world that's going through some weird shift right now. Everyone's restless, everyone's reckless. It's so strange, so unexpected.
I am grateful and happy, of course, but I've been observing a lot more than I normally have.
A year ago, I probably spoke of naive notions and ensured you that something I believed was a completely malleable perception. This time around, I'm settling in my convictions. I've realized that there's a lot more to this world than letting things roll by and, while this may not be news to you, it's important to me.
I almost died.
I mean, not like almost. Maybe "could have almost" is more appropriate.
I made a friend in one of my classes. New and freshly immersed in the university and we began to spend time together. A bond grew and developed and I can greatly appreciate this quick friendship that formed. I like to consider myself in a mentor-like position and our conversations have exacted a resurfacing of patience that I have lost with people. Patience was always very significant to me because it seems to bring good into your life when you're not expecting it anymore. And good is very good, wouldn't you agree?
Love is funny. I'm still in love and can easily say that it's always growing and changing and strengthening the relationship I have, along with the friendships I develop, stumble over, rediscover or seem to lose track of.
One of my good friends is a very interesting guy.
He worries about what people think about him. Okay, well that sounds like a lot of people, but hear me out.
He was recently sitting down and just unsheathing his heart. It's a "good heart" as one of my other friends suggested and reminded him. And I tagged onto the frustration in the room when I fathomed where it came from: a conviction to discourage one's self. Eloquently put, he was restricting himself by telling other people "no" when, in reality, he was telling himself "no." And this is precisely why I haven't been sitting down at my computer and sharing my thoughts with anyone anymore.
Before, when this tightness in my chest was constant, I always felt the need to lay atop my keyboard and escape the world around me. Now, I'm so immersed in reality that I can barely grasp winks of sleep after shutting my computer down after shoveling school work out of the way. It uneases me when I have to shove away my personal preferences and habits for my obligations rather than having a happy medium.
But, I mean, it's better that I'm getting stuff done than not getting anything done at all, right?
Right?
Anywho, after our pep rally, he felt more settled in himself.
"You have to love yourself and be happy for yourself."
That was the message he took away. That was the message I heard in the air and felt in all of our bodies.
Last week, that friend I made in class was driving with me and another friend who I've gotten the pleasure of becoming very close to this semester. Weather conditions were bad and one thing lead to another and a vehicular collision occurred. Thankfully, everyone is alive and well and had any element gone awry, the outcome would not have been the same. I'm astounded by the rapid succession of the accident and reality check that occurred: it was so swift and succinct, how much my future and my present meant to me. How much it means to me, now.
Another friend has had a rough week. Midterms, sure. Work, fine. But her heartstrings have been tugged and she's having a hard time with convincing herself that she should live in right and wrong, when - truthfully, just like I told that first friend who was going through his conflicts as well - she should not live in any restrictions. Ethics are guidelines but they do not grade you. Morals are crutches but they do not hold you upright. Your legs and your arms hold you up. Your heart guides and guards you.
A good experience of your emotions is very important.
Last weekend [ or two, I lost track, ] was the opening of a show at my university, Machinal. Congrats to the cast, of course, on such a brilliant work of theater.
As some of you may already know, my family has many topics that I rather not discuss. However, I've gotten to a point in my personal development where I am strong enough to at least type and read over things. Just as I was typing that, I heaved a great sigh of preparation, even. It's time.
My older brother, Chris, has a mental illness. No matter how many times my mother would bring him to rehab or doctors or therapy, there was always an episode when we returned to the house. Instability rung loud and clear through my middle school days and it was just around then when my brother went to Jamaica to reside with his father. Living with us in my mother's abode was too strenuous for all parties involved and, just because things got violent, I now think it's for the better. When personalities clash, it's very monumental. When emotions get involved, it's volatile.
Machinal walked me through a parallel journey of these times. With the character of Helen and her regression, I'm astounded that I only shed tears a total of eight times in the two performances I attended. I don't know what else to say other than it was just what I needed. I'm not 100% healed, but I'm much better than I was before.
I guess it's a step in the right direction to becoming happy, to becoming a better person. What's more is that I checked my resolution for last year and found #3 for this lovely month of March, which is half-near over.
Here's what I had:
"Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity"Before you begin, wash your hands thoroughly with pure, unsaturated gratefulness, unblended admiration and compassion-concentrate. After drying them with the acceptance of the world around you, you may prepare the appliances:"Alone" by Milika Cheree
3. Next comes the great part we all love. If you take a container to place the heart in - preferably figurative and mentally fabricated, housing the actual heart right where it belongs [ in your chest cavity, in case you are following the instructions verbatim ] you can sit there and evaluate both your heart and your body with your mind. Take all the time you need: this is a recipe made for either one lifetime or many - however many you need to figure it out. With this evaluation, you should be able to find what you cherish: what you hold dear, what you appreciate, what makes you happy, what strikes you emotionally and what makes you want to go to sleep to wake up the next morning and breathe air for. Once you have made a list composed of more than [ but no little as ] fifteen things [ accumulative or separately for each category is not distinguished ], you are free to find things in your life that fit snugly in whichever places they belong. Feel free to bend the rules if it's something that doesn't seem to fit at all. However, if it is negative in any aspect, you must set it aside in a pile alienated from the container which houses your washed, thriving heart and your stable body. Let's call this rubbish. Not like we're going to refer to it another time. But, for your future purposes, and if you need to try your hand again at this recipe, "rubbish" is a starting point.
It's still good a year and 2 months later. =]
What I have to say to everyone who needed this Spring Break to come sooner is that you need to find time out of your busy, hectic day to appreciate yourself. Love yourself before you love anyone else because you won't be able to love them to the best of your ability or love them as much as you'd love to. I'm still working on it, but I've gotten to a very stable part in my life. I know what I want, I know where I'm going. I know who I am.
Sometimes it's really important to know things like that, y'know?
This month will probably help you figure out why the Supermoon happens right before you escape a car crash unscathed or why your gut gets tingly when you see someone's name or why your chest unravels when you're in someone's presence.
This month will probably help you more than you were expecting it to.
I've got things to finish. 2 Scripts, a short film, maybe a comic, assignments as per usual, stories and studies that will enrich me as a student, individual and in pursuit of my happiness.
"You're not helping me, babe, but I fall helplessly for you."
And I just say that everything has a reason.
Maybe not right now, but you're smart: you'll find it out.
It's nice to be back. See you on Tuesday.
<3 ~ Monty.
=]
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
a hole for us to grow there in their light .
Happy 2014.
It came.
And it went.
Last December [ my last entry for that month dating on the 8th - "You Are Part" - The Human Heart ] I had the honor of performing in a wonderful, heart-touching cabaret. It was an incredible experience and, for some strange reason, it feels like more than a year ago.
This December, I spent the last couple of weeks of my semester in England. Then, I came back from England in time for Christmas and got to spend time with some friends, some family and the love of my life.
I wish there was a way to just... combine every image I have taken over this year and have each moment be so significantly acknowledged, because this was an incredible year. Not only did I grow as an individual, but I've gotten opportunities to travel out of my element with some friends.
I started this year with a recipe for becoming a better human, a better example, a better living creature. I called it:
From one to twelve, I number it. It was modeled to be exercised over the span of the year. Sometimes I stringently followed it. There were also times where I failed to even acknowledge it or this blog because I was too busy experiencing what life had thrown at me. Then, as the end of the year came, I was blessed enough to have the experience I feared would break me, make me.
I'll get to that later, and just like anything else, if you want to know specific details or in length want to hear me go on and on about it, feel free to contact me. I have more things to share with you all here, on this spectacular New Year's Evening.
"Into Giants" - Patrick Watson
This is what I'm jamming to, bringing in the New Year.
New Year, New Year, New Year, New Year.
I'm excited. I'm excited for what's to come, I'm excited for what's already happened, even.
I found something pretty interesting and powerful on one of the social media websites I frequent.
Alert: this link contains strong language that might be considered as offensive or profanity. Just so you guys are aware and go into it knowing; because I like to refrain from keeping obscenities in this happy place.
Source: Twitter user "So Damn Relatable (@Relatable)"
This was supremely powerful. It made me scroll back up as soon as my brain registered the first line and few words there after. It escalated, with justification to do so, because this is something that would and should infuriate people. It's something that is much bigger than all the nonsense that usually bothers us - like the privileges we get from our families, from our countries, from our educations, from our occupations.
Last week, I settled on the fact that we'd never be able to obtain world peace, that we'd never feed World Hunger.
A wise man once told me to "never settle for anything."
And then I got a whiff of something brilliant, a second wind for this year, if you will.
Reflecting on my amazing experience and how appreciative it made me of all the things and people and places and ideas and events in my life, I realized that there were probably other people on this planet who thought the same thing, and this was probably why, for the pace that our lives are lead, the progress for things that can be solved like these is as it is.
Unfortunately, there was another thing I found to kick me back into gear.
It's a bit of a read, but when I found someone shared this on the same site, different user, I paid every little detail the utmost attention it deserved.
I've posted the image in here as well so that you can read it easier.
You can say what you will, we'll never understand individual problems until we're in the shoes of the individual experiencing that problem.
There's an issue with this society, Leela's right. The fact that people are getting shot and that the news covers this more frequently than endorsing - no, educating - citizens of the good that they can do. Instead of having a natural inclination to harp on the bad, we should harp on the good; I've mentioned this and went into depth about it in my F. [ November 25, 2014 ] entry.
I have no reason to condemn the parents nor their child. That's not what I'm bringing this up for.
I'm mentioning it because I just wish I was someone that had been in Leela's life.
I may be no martyr, no Messiah or figure of hope for all of mankind, but I do make sure that every individual in my life knows with great confidence that I love them and that they are very significant to my life and memories - and even my future. Without any of the people I have encountered - seasoned readers will be able to easily quote me when I say - that I would not be the person I am and I would not be living the amazing life I am today.
I just wish that there was a way I could reach out to the people that are hurting, that are lost, that are clueless and let them know that they're never alone. Even if they're not religious or spiritual or emotionally driven to bother with hope and its many benefits, I'd just feel satisfied knowing that I could talk to them like everyone else in my life, ask them how their day was, have a random conversation about a meal they had during the day, the places they want to go, the people they have met and the stories they have in their head.
I have a knack for running around and finding people with creative minds. Or, at the very least, helping them tickle their creative aspects and incorporate it into the other components in their lives.
Leela would have not guaranteed that she would not have committed suicide even if she did speak to me. But, I would have had the possibility of at least doling out truth and peace to her that she could have spread to other people. Love is something that, without any strings attached, can spread faster than some people might realize.
An open heart and an open mind keeps the flow of communication going.
I wanted to briefly bring that up. I spoke with one of the biggest individuals of strife in my life of it today and they gave me the retort, "if it was supposed to be a certain way, human beings would have two reproductive organs," essentially. I quickly replied that there are such things, hermaphrodites, and that they are scientifically existent, that they can operate in society and the only reason the word has any sort of connotation to it other than its scientific purpose is because of a stigma that has been placed upon it.
We don't condemn the word "pencil" or "pebble" or even "map," so what's the difference between one word and another word? It's just there for us to communicate with.
There are some things I don't understand yet, and those will come with time and maybe I will be able to answer some of my own questions. However, as it stands, there is only one solution to many of the obstacles I have faced in my time and that is something I'm growing to further the definition of, and that's "love."
Good.
Peace.
Happiness.
Sharing.
Completion.
I have someone remarkable, someone hilarious and compassionate and beautiful and wonderful, in my life. He's currently cleaning his room, wearing a silly trapper hat indoors and listening to the music of his people. He's done a pretty good and quick job, seeing as how he started when I was a few paragraphs away.
It just so happens that he's male.
It just so happens that he's from a town over.
It just so happens that he loves me too.
Because I do love him, and there's nothing anyone can tell me otherwise.
I'll consider what people have to criticize my relationship for when they're actually in it with me. Until then, I will continue to share this love I'm exploring with all of those around me, as my special someone is reminding me to.
Hope all of your holidays were amazing and that you all had a wonderful year, whether you remember your resolutions or not. And when you make the half-hearted ones for this upcoming year, never forget those who helped you reach this point in your life so that you have the opportunity to make this hope, this promise to yourself that you'll become better in some aspect.
Acknowledge the fact that you're a beautiful human being, that you are surrounded with good, and that you can do so much with your life - no matter your circumstances.
I say it from the bottom of my heart to all of you this may reach before the new year or even those who will see it in the future: Thank you for every single thing you have done for me, for those dear to me, for yourselves, for our future on this planet. I am humbled by the beauty in this world, but the potential of good that I have in my immediate environment and the amazing world that's around all of us.
Never shed a tear because you're frustrated and angry at the world.
Shed a tear because you now know, with confidence, that you possess the love to help fix it.
It'll be like putting pieces to a puzzle together, but there's more than one of us here for a reason.
For many reasons, actually.
Let's do this.
Here's to 2015!
I mean, I still can't cook, but I've made a pretty good dish, I'll say. I'll try this again come tomorrow, and we'll see how the new year takes us!
God bless you all and may you all have a wonderful life ahead of you. Thank you for being part of this year for me and for yourselves. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Yours truly,
<3 ~ Darin F. Earl, II.
It came.
And it went.
Last December [ my last entry for that month dating on the 8th - "You Are Part" - The Human Heart ] I had the honor of performing in a wonderful, heart-touching cabaret. It was an incredible experience and, for some strange reason, it feels like more than a year ago.
This December, I spent the last couple of weeks of my semester in England. Then, I came back from England in time for Christmas and got to spend time with some friends, some family and the love of my life.
I wish there was a way to just... combine every image I have taken over this year and have each moment be so significantly acknowledged, because this was an incredible year. Not only did I grow as an individual, but I've gotten opportunities to travel out of my element with some friends.
I started this year with a recipe for becoming a better human, a better example, a better living creature. I called it:
"Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity"
Before you begin, wash your hands thoroughly with pure, unsaturated gratefulness, unblended admiration and compassion-concentrate. After drying them with the acceptance of the world around you, you may prepare the appliances.Source: "Hoping You'll Come With Me [ January 3, 2014 ]
From one to twelve, I number it. It was modeled to be exercised over the span of the year. Sometimes I stringently followed it. There were also times where I failed to even acknowledge it or this blog because I was too busy experiencing what life had thrown at me. Then, as the end of the year came, I was blessed enough to have the experience I feared would break me, make me.
I'll get to that later, and just like anything else, if you want to know specific details or in length want to hear me go on and on about it, feel free to contact me. I have more things to share with you all here, on this spectacular New Year's Evening.
"Into Giants" - Patrick Watson
This is what I'm jamming to, bringing in the New Year.
New Year, New Year, New Year, New Year.
I'm excited. I'm excited for what's to come, I'm excited for what's already happened, even.
I found something pretty interesting and powerful on one of the social media websites I frequent.
Alert: this link contains strong language that might be considered as offensive or profanity. Just so you guys are aware and go into it knowing; because I like to refrain from keeping obscenities in this happy place.
Source: Twitter user "So Damn Relatable (@Relatable)"
This was supremely powerful. It made me scroll back up as soon as my brain registered the first line and few words there after. It escalated, with justification to do so, because this is something that would and should infuriate people. It's something that is much bigger than all the nonsense that usually bothers us - like the privileges we get from our families, from our countries, from our educations, from our occupations.
Last week, I settled on the fact that we'd never be able to obtain world peace, that we'd never feed World Hunger.
A wise man once told me to "never settle for anything."
And then I got a whiff of something brilliant, a second wind for this year, if you will.
Reflecting on my amazing experience and how appreciative it made me of all the things and people and places and ideas and events in my life, I realized that there were probably other people on this planet who thought the same thing, and this was probably why, for the pace that our lives are lead, the progress for things that can be solved like these is as it is.
Unfortunately, there was another thing I found to kick me back into gear.
It's a bit of a read, but when I found someone shared this on the same site, different user, I paid every little detail the utmost attention it deserved.
"TW. Suicide, transphobia 17yo trans girl's heartbreaking suicide note - and her mother's announcement. I feel sick."- @LibrarianBoi
"TW. Suicide, transphobia Parents: DO BETTER. Love your children. Respect their identity, honour their choices. Treat them as human beings."
Source: Twitter user "Trans Boi Princeling (@LibrarianBoi)"
I've posted the image in here as well so that you can read it easier.
You can say what you will, we'll never understand individual problems until we're in the shoes of the individual experiencing that problem.
There's an issue with this society, Leela's right. The fact that people are getting shot and that the news covers this more frequently than endorsing - no, educating - citizens of the good that they can do. Instead of having a natural inclination to harp on the bad, we should harp on the good; I've mentioned this and went into depth about it in my F. [ November 25, 2014 ] entry.
I have no reason to condemn the parents nor their child. That's not what I'm bringing this up for.
I'm mentioning it because I just wish I was someone that had been in Leela's life.
I may be no martyr, no Messiah or figure of hope for all of mankind, but I do make sure that every individual in my life knows with great confidence that I love them and that they are very significant to my life and memories - and even my future. Without any of the people I have encountered - seasoned readers will be able to easily quote me when I say - that I would not be the person I am and I would not be living the amazing life I am today.
I just wish that there was a way I could reach out to the people that are hurting, that are lost, that are clueless and let them know that they're never alone. Even if they're not religious or spiritual or emotionally driven to bother with hope and its many benefits, I'd just feel satisfied knowing that I could talk to them like everyone else in my life, ask them how their day was, have a random conversation about a meal they had during the day, the places they want to go, the people they have met and the stories they have in their head.
I have a knack for running around and finding people with creative minds. Or, at the very least, helping them tickle their creative aspects and incorporate it into the other components in their lives.
Leela would have not guaranteed that she would not have committed suicide even if she did speak to me. But, I would have had the possibility of at least doling out truth and peace to her that she could have spread to other people. Love is something that, without any strings attached, can spread faster than some people might realize.
An open heart and an open mind keeps the flow of communication going.
I wanted to briefly bring that up. I spoke with one of the biggest individuals of strife in my life of it today and they gave me the retort, "if it was supposed to be a certain way, human beings would have two reproductive organs," essentially. I quickly replied that there are such things, hermaphrodites, and that they are scientifically existent, that they can operate in society and the only reason the word has any sort of connotation to it other than its scientific purpose is because of a stigma that has been placed upon it.
We don't condemn the word "pencil" or "pebble" or even "map," so what's the difference between one word and another word? It's just there for us to communicate with.
There are some things I don't understand yet, and those will come with time and maybe I will be able to answer some of my own questions. However, as it stands, there is only one solution to many of the obstacles I have faced in my time and that is something I'm growing to further the definition of, and that's "love."
Good.
Peace.
Happiness.
Sharing.
Completion.
I have someone remarkable, someone hilarious and compassionate and beautiful and wonderful, in my life. He's currently cleaning his room, wearing a silly trapper hat indoors and listening to the music of his people. He's done a pretty good and quick job, seeing as how he started when I was a few paragraphs away.
It just so happens that he's male.
It just so happens that he's from a town over.
It just so happens that he loves me too.
Because I do love him, and there's nothing anyone can tell me otherwise.
I'll consider what people have to criticize my relationship for when they're actually in it with me. Until then, I will continue to share this love I'm exploring with all of those around me, as my special someone is reminding me to.
Hope all of your holidays were amazing and that you all had a wonderful year, whether you remember your resolutions or not. And when you make the half-hearted ones for this upcoming year, never forget those who helped you reach this point in your life so that you have the opportunity to make this hope, this promise to yourself that you'll become better in some aspect.
Acknowledge the fact that you're a beautiful human being, that you are surrounded with good, and that you can do so much with your life - no matter your circumstances.
I say it from the bottom of my heart to all of you this may reach before the new year or even those who will see it in the future: Thank you for every single thing you have done for me, for those dear to me, for yourselves, for our future on this planet. I am humbled by the beauty in this world, but the potential of good that I have in my immediate environment and the amazing world that's around all of us.
Never shed a tear because you're frustrated and angry at the world.
Shed a tear because you now know, with confidence, that you possess the love to help fix it.
It'll be like putting pieces to a puzzle together, but there's more than one of us here for a reason.
For many reasons, actually.
Let's do this.
Here's to 2015!
12. Take a moment to admire the changes you've made. It's not easy as cooking, per se, but it most certainly is doable. And not too many people follow the instructions. Some may waver, some may find faults and mend it to their own, come up with better or worse results - some may even end up with the same heart that they started with. After you spend about a few winks of your eyes, a few tears of admiration and the same gratefulness that bathed the heart before all else, fit the heart right back where it belongs and your body in the place it belongs. Your mind will have recalibrated to accommodate the matters of your new body, and you can enjoy your self-promotion, progress and positivity. Serving size contingent upon the willingness and capacity of your heart.
I mean, I still can't cook, but I've made a pretty good dish, I'll say. I'll try this again come tomorrow, and we'll see how the new year takes us!
God bless you all and may you all have a wonderful life ahead of you. Thank you for being part of this year for me and for yourselves. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Yours truly,
<3 ~ Darin F. Earl, II.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
F.
Let me just preface this by saying one thing: I'm not one to keep up with current trends or follow fads and topics to gain attention, but there is an issue at hand that calls for not only social intervention but also a conviction of mankind to acknowledge, admit and absolve itself of.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Some nations encourage that freedom of opinion while others encase their social politics for the sake of their national standing, how they present themselves to outsiders. Some just completely suffocate the validity of opinion and individuality and constrict humans, full of wonder, free will and creation, to the mandates of tradition and law.
We are humans, not machines.
I woke today with a sudden inclination to write, to share. So I'll let you know that this entry has come from my day-long stream of thoughts. Currently I'm at breakfast ( still in England ) finishing off a cup of yogurt ( "yeogurt" / "yoghurt" ) with five other study abroad students who I've come to grow close to and learned so much about and from.
Genuine hearts and reciprocal parts to this England experience.
I have been reading so much social media juxtaposition on the "social injustices." People like to share their opinions, as they rightfully should, and it's brought a lot into perspective for not only myself, but those who comment and remark on the display as well.
After a pretty beautiful day of getting errands done and keeping to my own, I met with a group of my classmates to work on one of our assessments. We communicated, shared our thoughts and got it on its feet. At the end of the brief interval, we bounded off for a brief lunch together and then caught the train to class, which was off campus in a really gorgeous, wooden theater, together.
The class was really refreshing and it was a change of pace, my spirits were lifted. It warmed my heart to see everyone in such good spirits just because the day was nice - cold and biting, but still better than being a nightmare of the homeless and blind and starving and individual who fears life without love. By the end of the class, my mood lilted; most likely because of the downpour that happened, but the walk back, despite getting drenched, was very cleansing.
I came back to campus with an open heart and an appreciation of everything in my life.
What amazes me is that no matter what happens, people in a specific mindset will harp on either the bad or the good. The best thing in the world could be on its way, but it's all "opinion-based," as my good friend Fortune stated. He said that there are different definitions, different perspectives of evils and that his evils could be different from my own. Naturally, the categorical imperative which Immanuel Kant established and coined, serves to acknowledge that there are universal truths, including universal and objective evils. But why there is a fascination with the evil first and foremost bewilders me.
We do not wish bad things upon ourselves ( unless a particularly sadistic example floats in to challenge this, ) but we openly and half-heartedly, or wholly at times, wish ill upon others.
Why not wish good?
Why not keep communications cordial?
Personal endeavors, subjective experiences do not reoccur unless you line up the possibilities and choices in the same, repetitive order - which is impossible because nothing is ever seen the same exact way twice. Nor can it happen exactly as it has before.
So refrain from declaring that things can't change because that's how they are.
Returning to my room and getting things done - like rehearsing for an audition tape I'm going to have to eventually work on or something and arranging my cluttered week - preceded me resuming ( or attempting to ) this blog. As it stands, I was not intending to take a particular stance on the event and the ruling, but I saw a few things on Facebook that merely accumulated.
I said it before and I'll say it again: people are entitled to their opinions. It even goes without saying that the world needs some level-headedness, and while I'm here, in England, trying to figure out how to break out of my four-planed knowledge of art, I'm constantly reminded of the safety, precautions and shelter that my mother consistently persisted to maintain during my childhood and uprising.
This is the exact crap that our mothers told us about.
My mother shouldn't worry about me walking on a sidewalk and being grouped together with an assortment of connotations because of the deeds of others. Be it with a gender or a race or an age, any demographic unofficially declared to scientifically or psychologically hold the genes to repeat those same deeds, I do not belong with people who are not me.
Neither do you.
You have a specific name, a specific identity. "Identity theft" is called that because why? Because it is stolen from you. Just the same thing occurs when you are no longer an individual, but just another face in the crowd.
I have not been keeping up. I'll be honest. I've been too busy worrying about keeping my head afloat in England and learning all I can and trying to make the best of an amazing experience, which is easy enough.
My mother should not worry about me while I'm over here. She does, but she shouldn't worry because other people would cause harm to me for any specific reason. Instead, she should be worrying about personal issues, like my apparent struggle with romantic interests ( don't worry, I know what my life plan is, she just has something different so we're trying to come to a consensus ) or my support through the rest of college because I'm working hard to make sure I can provide for her like she has provided for me.
What if I couldn't provide for her?
What if I was stopped in my tracks and she never heard from me again?
The next thing she had to hear about me was that she never could see me march up the stairs again or that she wouldn't get to eat another meal with you?
I never warrant violence for any reason. The playful banter, the shove and flick, but never a fist or a weapon drawn to inflict pain, hurt, discomfort, intimidation or anything else possible. One off he posts said this:
"For all you saying '#blacklivesmatter,' please stop playing the race card. You keep it up and this country will never be over racism - you do it to yourself."
This was prompted by a click on the name, but the next status visible was this:
"I have an idea. How about we separate black and white. Yeah that's it! Have all the black cops in an all black town and all white cops in all white town and then see how you'll still have teenagers get shot and killed. And you'll see it has nothing to do with race. How is that? By the way, I saw a commercial the other day with only dark-skinned people... Should I be offended?"
You know, some times you just wonder why you're ever friends with people. Then the answer, very clearly, lays itself on a silver platter and slides right into your lap. From out of nowhere.
The only response I have to this is that this individual is studying law.
One of my friends from university said this:
That speaks for itself, most certainly, doesn't it?
Another, a high school familiarity:
Where things fall, others may rise in it's absence: when things don't work out or seem to veer off path - like, I don't know, maybe let's say a hope for mankind - a shift in gears usually helps a change occur.
People speak and say a lot of things. But the worth of a human, I thoroughly believe, is invaluable with consideration of their actions as valid.
Don't surround yourself with your thoughts, put them up for people to believe this is what you think, and then never endorse peace, love and compassion for one another with an ultimatum of selfishness. That is simply one thing that cannot fly.
Not that I'm saying anyone is intending to do that or is presently doing so - I'm just forewarning, dissuading.
The last quote I saw ( it was about the second or third, actually but I wanted to arrange this last because it's the one I can understand the most ) comes from one of my good writing friends:
And it was slammed right on the head. Of course, protests, riots and the works work occasionally, but I think this is a battle that should be fought with an internal makeover first.
People who hate should learn to love. People who take should learn to share.
People who don't know can learn to learn.
It's not hard. A smile. A decent conversation. Spread love. Spread joy. Your neighbor might be plotting to take your land and cover your spouse, but you still are a brilliant, intelligent, capable human who has yet to be judged eternally by your sins and your rights.
That's it.
The system is evidently askew. It's apparent by the number of things that make it seem extraordinary - the errors, the conflicts, the political strife, the social grief - all of these things tie into one thing I hypothesize that is wrong with the judicial system: it's judgment isn't truly just.
If a person is ruled by their laws and deeds, the good they do in their lives should also weigh into determination of whether or not they receive punishment or are absolved of an accused infringement of the law. Of course, this would seem invalid, because people can do good in so many tiny degrees or can feign goodness just to cover the lying they do through their teeth. But!
It's not "just" if it is not truly equal in all aspects, is it?
But I know for a fact that when I raise my members of the next generation that I will never spend a second wasted teaching or demonstrating hate for them to learn and exhibit. They may experience it as humans, but never towards another individual for an injustice.
Read up, know what's going on. Just because I've gotten basic glimpses of thoughts and perspectives, it doesn't excuse the fact I'm literally ignorant to all the problems of the world that I can help with.
The poor.
The hingry.
The homeless.
The blind.
The mute.
The deaf.
The ones who have more and are sad.
The ones who have less and are happy.
My family. My friends. My loved ones.
My life.
This isn't the only evil in the world to deal with.
It's just one people like to talk about because it'll make them feel better about doing nothing with themselves, if they haven't.
By the way, murder is murder and if someone's shot, they're shot. Whether he shot himself or was shot by another person, it doesn't discard the fact that it was a human's life that no other human being ever should have the right of possessing in any degree.
Not slavery. Not murder. Not oppression. Not injustice.
Let the day that my life and the lives of the ones I love be judged by a man for their goods and their sins and let that be the day that all of mankind shall be judged for the eternity of injustices that have happened, will happen and are still happening today.
Do not cry.
Do not fight.
Just remember to love.
<3 ~ Monty.
=]
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Some nations encourage that freedom of opinion while others encase their social politics for the sake of their national standing, how they present themselves to outsiders. Some just completely suffocate the validity of opinion and individuality and constrict humans, full of wonder, free will and creation, to the mandates of tradition and law.
We are humans, not machines.
I woke today with a sudden inclination to write, to share. So I'll let you know that this entry has come from my day-long stream of thoughts. Currently I'm at breakfast ( still in England ) finishing off a cup of yogurt ( "yeogurt" / "yoghurt" ) with five other study abroad students who I've come to grow close to and learned so much about and from.
Genuine hearts and reciprocal parts to this England experience.
I have been reading so much social media juxtaposition on the "social injustices." People like to share their opinions, as they rightfully should, and it's brought a lot into perspective for not only myself, but those who comment and remark on the display as well.
After a pretty beautiful day of getting errands done and keeping to my own, I met with a group of my classmates to work on one of our assessments. We communicated, shared our thoughts and got it on its feet. At the end of the brief interval, we bounded off for a brief lunch together and then caught the train to class, which was off campus in a really gorgeous, wooden theater, together.
The class was really refreshing and it was a change of pace, my spirits were lifted. It warmed my heart to see everyone in such good spirits just because the day was nice - cold and biting, but still better than being a nightmare of the homeless and blind and starving and individual who fears life without love. By the end of the class, my mood lilted; most likely because of the downpour that happened, but the walk back, despite getting drenched, was very cleansing.
I came back to campus with an open heart and an appreciation of everything in my life.
What amazes me is that no matter what happens, people in a specific mindset will harp on either the bad or the good. The best thing in the world could be on its way, but it's all "opinion-based," as my good friend Fortune stated. He said that there are different definitions, different perspectives of evils and that his evils could be different from my own. Naturally, the categorical imperative which Immanuel Kant established and coined, serves to acknowledge that there are universal truths, including universal and objective evils. But why there is a fascination with the evil first and foremost bewilders me.
We do not wish bad things upon ourselves ( unless a particularly sadistic example floats in to challenge this, ) but we openly and half-heartedly, or wholly at times, wish ill upon others.
Why not wish good?
Why not keep communications cordial?
Personal endeavors, subjective experiences do not reoccur unless you line up the possibilities and choices in the same, repetitive order - which is impossible because nothing is ever seen the same exact way twice. Nor can it happen exactly as it has before.
So refrain from declaring that things can't change because that's how they are.
Returning to my room and getting things done - like rehearsing for an audition tape I'm going to have to eventually work on or something and arranging my cluttered week - preceded me resuming ( or attempting to ) this blog. As it stands, I was not intending to take a particular stance on the event and the ruling, but I saw a few things on Facebook that merely accumulated.
I said it before and I'll say it again: people are entitled to their opinions. It even goes without saying that the world needs some level-headedness, and while I'm here, in England, trying to figure out how to break out of my four-planed knowledge of art, I'm constantly reminded of the safety, precautions and shelter that my mother consistently persisted to maintain during my childhood and uprising.
This is the exact crap that our mothers told us about.
My mother shouldn't worry about me walking on a sidewalk and being grouped together with an assortment of connotations because of the deeds of others. Be it with a gender or a race or an age, any demographic unofficially declared to scientifically or psychologically hold the genes to repeat those same deeds, I do not belong with people who are not me.
Neither do you.
You have a specific name, a specific identity. "Identity theft" is called that because why? Because it is stolen from you. Just the same thing occurs when you are no longer an individual, but just another face in the crowd.
I have not been keeping up. I'll be honest. I've been too busy worrying about keeping my head afloat in England and learning all I can and trying to make the best of an amazing experience, which is easy enough.
My mother should not worry about me while I'm over here. She does, but she shouldn't worry because other people would cause harm to me for any specific reason. Instead, she should be worrying about personal issues, like my apparent struggle with romantic interests ( don't worry, I know what my life plan is, she just has something different so we're trying to come to a consensus ) or my support through the rest of college because I'm working hard to make sure I can provide for her like she has provided for me.
What if I couldn't provide for her?
What if I was stopped in my tracks and she never heard from me again?
The next thing she had to hear about me was that she never could see me march up the stairs again or that she wouldn't get to eat another meal with you?
I never warrant violence for any reason. The playful banter, the shove and flick, but never a fist or a weapon drawn to inflict pain, hurt, discomfort, intimidation or anything else possible. One off he posts said this:
"For all you saying '#blacklivesmatter,' please stop playing the race card. You keep it up and this country will never be over racism - you do it to yourself."
This was prompted by a click on the name, but the next status visible was this:
"I have an idea. How about we separate black and white. Yeah that's it! Have all the black cops in an all black town and all white cops in all white town and then see how you'll still have teenagers get shot and killed. And you'll see it has nothing to do with race. How is that? By the way, I saw a commercial the other day with only dark-skinned people... Should I be offended?"
You know, some times you just wonder why you're ever friends with people. Then the answer, very clearly, lays itself on a silver platter and slides right into your lap. From out of nowhere.
The only response I have to this is that this individual is studying law.
One of my friends from university said this:
That speaks for itself, most certainly, doesn't it?
Another, a high school familiarity:
Where things fall, others may rise in it's absence: when things don't work out or seem to veer off path - like, I don't know, maybe let's say a hope for mankind - a shift in gears usually helps a change occur.
People speak and say a lot of things. But the worth of a human, I thoroughly believe, is invaluable with consideration of their actions as valid.
Don't surround yourself with your thoughts, put them up for people to believe this is what you think, and then never endorse peace, love and compassion for one another with an ultimatum of selfishness. That is simply one thing that cannot fly.
Not that I'm saying anyone is intending to do that or is presently doing so - I'm just forewarning, dissuading.
The last quote I saw ( it was about the second or third, actually but I wanted to arrange this last because it's the one I can understand the most ) comes from one of my good writing friends:
And it was slammed right on the head. Of course, protests, riots and the works work occasionally, but I think this is a battle that should be fought with an internal makeover first.
People who hate should learn to love. People who take should learn to share.
People who don't know can learn to learn.
It's not hard. A smile. A decent conversation. Spread love. Spread joy. Your neighbor might be plotting to take your land and cover your spouse, but you still are a brilliant, intelligent, capable human who has yet to be judged eternally by your sins and your rights.
That's it.
The system is evidently askew. It's apparent by the number of things that make it seem extraordinary - the errors, the conflicts, the political strife, the social grief - all of these things tie into one thing I hypothesize that is wrong with the judicial system: it's judgment isn't truly just.
If a person is ruled by their laws and deeds, the good they do in their lives should also weigh into determination of whether or not they receive punishment or are absolved of an accused infringement of the law. Of course, this would seem invalid, because people can do good in so many tiny degrees or can feign goodness just to cover the lying they do through their teeth. But!
It's not "just" if it is not truly equal in all aspects, is it?
But I know for a fact that when I raise my members of the next generation that I will never spend a second wasted teaching or demonstrating hate for them to learn and exhibit. They may experience it as humans, but never towards another individual for an injustice.
Read up, know what's going on. Just because I've gotten basic glimpses of thoughts and perspectives, it doesn't excuse the fact I'm literally ignorant to all the problems of the world that I can help with.
The poor.
The hingry.
The homeless.
The blind.
The mute.
The deaf.
The ones who have more and are sad.
The ones who have less and are happy.
My family. My friends. My loved ones.
My life.
This isn't the only evil in the world to deal with.
It's just one people like to talk about because it'll make them feel better about doing nothing with themselves, if they haven't.
By the way, murder is murder and if someone's shot, they're shot. Whether he shot himself or was shot by another person, it doesn't discard the fact that it was a human's life that no other human being ever should have the right of possessing in any degree.
Not slavery. Not murder. Not oppression. Not injustice.
Let the day that my life and the lives of the ones I love be judged by a man for their goods and their sins and let that be the day that all of mankind shall be judged for the eternity of injustices that have happened, will happen and are still happening today.
Do not cry.
Do not fight.
Just remember to love.
<3 ~ Monty.
=]
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Ingrid Michaelson - "The Afterlife"
I've been feeling pretty good.
And since I've got a lot of reading for schoolwork, enjoy this video I just got updated on YouTube.
I love me some Ingrid.
<3 ~ Monty.
=]
And since I've got a lot of reading for schoolwork, enjoy this video I just got updated on YouTube.
I love me some Ingrid.
=]
Friday, October 31, 2014
oh i will love you better .
8Tracks - "Do You See Blue The Way I See Blue" Playlist.
Happy Halloween! [ To those who participate, I guess. ]
So I'm a Dalmatian for the occasion. And I've got to start getting ready soon, but I just wanted to touch down in here for a really quick entry.
Bear with me, I'll have images in here to accommodate the awkward gaps soon.
Because it's Friday and I missed Tuesday's entry because I was busy getting my life sorted.
I visited my family in England!
They're beautiful. So happy I finally got to see them.
And we went to the Fun Fair, which was a ton of fun.
So, yeah. That was nice. I got to appreciate my family and they made me appreciate so much more. So many people. This whole experience is proving to do just that and ready me for a lot of things.
But here's another thing that I'm learning to appreciate for how much it challenges me: finishing what I started.
November's just hours away and with it comes National Novel Writing Month.
For those of you who know me as well as you do, you may recognize the acronym NaNoWriMo from whatever outlet or even entries from previous years. This year, I know what I'm gonna be writing about - I just have to get it organized, which will be happening right before I get on my late-start for it.
I've found a lot of people are reacting to my announcement this year, about participating in NaNoWriMo again. So, with that, I'm going to be doing some sort of uplifting reaches, posts, prompts, brain-dumpings in here or anywhere else people read up on my life as they will.
I just wanted to share that. It'll probably be some kind of creative jumpstart, in poetic or story form. We'll see how it goes.
Anyhow, I hope your lives are going well! Half-term for the people over here in England, mid-terms for the people back in The States and anything for everyone else just happened. Good luck on your studies, with your jobs, vacations or what have you.
Keep being beautiful and happy, because that's when you're at your best.
And, I'd like to remind you, that is just about all the time.
Here's to another month of 2014 gone and for November to bring beautiful harvests of intellect and experience!
<3 ~ Monty.
=]
Happy Halloween! [ To those who participate, I guess. ]
So I'm a Dalmatian for the occasion. And I've got to start getting ready soon, but I just wanted to touch down in here for a really quick entry.
Bear with me, I'll have images in here to accommodate the awkward gaps soon.
Because it's Friday and I missed Tuesday's entry because I was busy getting my life sorted.
I visited my family in England!
They're beautiful. So happy I finally got to see them.
And we went to the Fun Fair, which was a ton of fun.
So, yeah. That was nice. I got to appreciate my family and they made me appreciate so much more. So many people. This whole experience is proving to do just that and ready me for a lot of things.
But here's another thing that I'm learning to appreciate for how much it challenges me: finishing what I started.
November's just hours away and with it comes National Novel Writing Month.
NaNoWriMo.org
November 1 - November 30
For those of you who know me as well as you do, you may recognize the acronym NaNoWriMo from whatever outlet or even entries from previous years. This year, I know what I'm gonna be writing about - I just have to get it organized, which will be happening right before I get on my late-start for it.
I've found a lot of people are reacting to my announcement this year, about participating in NaNoWriMo again. So, with that, I'm going to be doing some sort of uplifting reaches, posts, prompts, brain-dumpings in here or anywhere else people read up on my life as they will.
I just wanted to share that. It'll probably be some kind of creative jumpstart, in poetic or story form. We'll see how it goes.
Anyhow, I hope your lives are going well! Half-term for the people over here in England, mid-terms for the people back in The States and anything for everyone else just happened. Good luck on your studies, with your jobs, vacations or what have you.
Keep being beautiful and happy, because that's when you're at your best.
And, I'd like to remind you, that is just about all the time.
Here's to another month of 2014 gone and for November to bring beautiful harvests of intellect and experience!
"Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity"
11. Give yourself a break. Turn off the ambition, resolve, and prepare yourself with some gloves of adversity, of reminiscing and honor for your past to remove your container. It will be hot and weathered and possibly fragile, but your contents will have glazed over into a beautifully transformed heart. This heart that you recognize will have the same form, same shape, same beat, same everything. The only thing that will differ, but not limited to, will be its installation of appreciation. You'll learn to appreciate yourself so much more, ergo connecting appreciation, compassion, love and happiness to so much more in your surroundings.
<3 ~ Monty.
=]
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
[ we get along - some of us have to GROW UP sometimes ! [ ENGLAND SPECIAL ]
Remember when I kept this an anonymous thing?
Maybe you weren't here for that far back. Maybe you only tuned in a year ago. Maybe a few months ago.
First thing's first, though.
Now. That's better.
I just looked back. I created this blog in 2011, just as a means to spread the good I could the best way I knew how: writing.
It didn't matter what I wrote about, just as long as I was writing and telling people my thoughts.
But, now, with my connections expanding and growing each and every day, I'd like to say kindly that I've acknowledged who I am, what I'm setting as my purpose and why I love the people in my life. It makes things so much easier, just acknowledging and admitting that life is what it is and rolling with the punches. Granted, there's a joy, an excitement in adversity and the chase that gives our lives a bit more throttle at times. However, what you always want to remember is that you're not here to waste your days away - you are here to be happy.
Of course, you don't need me reminding you of that every Tuesday and Friday [ if that at all. ]
So, sorry I've been intensely AWOL since, like, July. I have a good reason!
Okay, maybe not from July to mid-September, but I'm in the U.K.!
I am! I swear! Look at these awesome pictures. It's super hard choosing from the entire album we share, so bear with me.
Hopefully I've captioned them all appropriately and succinctly enough for you to catch the brevity of my endeavors. Haha.
But yeah, that's been my month and a half here in England in a nutshell. Of course there's been a ton of friend-making and sight-seeing and adoring of people back home, who I miss very much, obviously.
One of my friends, Nicole Sheehan, came to me, asking me of my experience in particular detail. She's been thinking about it herself and with her questions came my own revelation: how fortunate I am to be studying abroad, in England, where another heart of theatre resides outside of my personal range back home. When she asked what was the best "takeaway" experience I've had while over here [ and she didn't mean their alternative dubbing of takeout for some food or something ] I told her that it was a tough question, namely because I could ramble on and on about so many things.
I've been doing the 100 Happy Days challenge on my instagram. I'm not going to advertise it because it's not for the attention, but to express the joy and glee of my experiences here [ and also to distract me from how much I miss my friends back home. ] Coming over here with two friends and becoming closer with them from this mutual experience is one of my favorite notions that these three months will give me. Another could be all the readied British accents and knowledge that I could, possibly - don't quote me on this - retain and dish out to you guys and figure out how to utilize in my life when I return home. Most notably, however, was my response to her:
Playing with strangers in a different audition environment taught me the readiness on my feet I needed; running around in class with exploring, physical thespians has taught me the utilities of my physicality that I have briefly kneaded with classes back home; exploring the countryside and walking through the city frequently has built my sense of navigation and reverence of culture.
I just wish I had an amazing camera like Deb's to capture all the beauty of it, crystal clear.
Regardless, I've been doing what I can by capturing moments and living them, simultaneously.
I'm not gonna lie - it's been pretty emotionally taxing. Before I left, I cried. When I got here, I napped all day, every day [ I still do that when I don't have classes. ] When I'm in class I'm overwhelmed with remembering things as I learned them and adapting to how the systems over here work.
But I can already tell it's going to be worth it.
Remember back in January? My birthday entry?
If you don't, take a look: "Alone" by Milika Cheree.
I had this Month-by-Month thing I've been trying to exact forever. And this year looked pretty solid until the summer rolled around and I let laziness get the best of me. I mean... not laziness - the busy schedule I had this summer. Yeah, two shows! Cats and Cabaret for a Cause.
Well, here's the thing: it's October, month ten. Nearly the end of it, but just the same - October. I've been sucking at actually getting these entries out [ and I even have the application on my phone and rarely have wifi but just as much leisure time to write down scraps of thoughts, I guess. Whatever. ]
Nevertheless, here is what I wrote for the 10th step of Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity.
With these ten or so days left until Halloween, just make sure you enjoy your life to the fullest. Not because we're stuck on silly philosophies, but because we have the liberty to choose happiness and we scarcely do. We usually peg the pessimism on one another, improperly appropriating burdens and claiming that we have no choice.
Take a step back, take a deep breath, then give it another go.
All the quotes you hear about success or failure share the same theme - every single one of them: persistence. Dedication.
In your process of making yourself a better people, just remember that those people and things that you cherish in that malleable, comforting container you've just put through so much filtering and discretion are all in your life for one reason or another.
Make them feel appreciated and let them know that you're not here to waste their time, but to always do your best.
Cheers!
<3 ~ Your international [ for now ] Monty.
=]
P.s. - I've been without Spotify and co. for a while [ international licensing and such, ] so I've been exploring 8Tracks. It's really interesting, expect the next entry to have a playlist!
Now off I go to watch some Sailor Moon with Deb and Andre!
Maybe you weren't here for that far back. Maybe you only tuned in a year ago. Maybe a few months ago.
First thing's first, though.
[ Some good tunes for these good times. ]
Now. That's better.
I just looked back. I created this blog in 2011, just as a means to spread the good I could the best way I knew how: writing.
It didn't matter what I wrote about, just as long as I was writing and telling people my thoughts.
But, now, with my connections expanding and growing each and every day, I'd like to say kindly that I've acknowledged who I am, what I'm setting as my purpose and why I love the people in my life. It makes things so much easier, just acknowledging and admitting that life is what it is and rolling with the punches. Granted, there's a joy, an excitement in adversity and the chase that gives our lives a bit more throttle at times. However, what you always want to remember is that you're not here to waste your days away - you are here to be happy.
Of course, you don't need me reminding you of that every Tuesday and Friday [ if that at all. ]
So, sorry I've been intensely AWOL since, like, July. I have a good reason!
Okay, maybe not from July to mid-September, but I'm in the U.K.!
I am! I swear! Look at these awesome pictures. It's super hard choosing from the entire album we share, so bear with me.
 |
| Photo by Ellen Waugh. |
 |
| Photo by Ellen Waugh. |
 |
| We went on a little stroll by the Thames River with some of our friends. [ L to R (Visible): Anthony Armenio, Billy Nerney, Deb, Callan Backstrom ] |
 |
| The guys. [ Myself, Sean Diveny, Andre Lackey. Photo by Deb. ] |
 |
| The girls! [ Ellen Waugh, Deborah Bjornsti ] |
 |
| Deb told me to get a good picture of the red road, and the cool guys on it. |
 | |
| So we walked... [ Andre, Ellen ] |
 | |
| And we walked. [ Sean, Deb, Andre ] |
 |
| And we hit up the National Art Gallery. [ Deb, Part of Andre, Ellen ] |
 | |
| Candids are my favorite but their least favorites. [ Sean, Deb, Andre, Ellen ] |
 |
| Looking down on the Square. [ Deb, Sean, Ellen, Andre. ] |
 |
| I went to find my friend and he took me on an awesome walk through Central. |
 |
| And this is my favorite Romanian Londoner, Calin Chisalom. [ Apparently they don't know how to spell my name. It's okay, though. ] |
 |
| We visited Bath! [ Photo by Deb. ] |
 |
| [ Photo by Deb. ] |
 |
| They touched it, don't tell! |
 |
| Because Sean was making fun of my awesome picture with Stonehenge. [ Photo by Deb. ] |
 |
| Awesome statues that no one have a clue to in regards to origin and purpose. |
 | |
| Some manor or school. We saw people with dogs and kids in uniform | . |
 |
| Leisurely strolls. [ Visible: Sean, Deb, Kaylyn Raymaker, Andre ] |
 |
| Spitting some water into some water. |
 |
| Repping my crew [ acapella group ] from on top of the Eiffel Tower was fun. [ Photo by Andre ] |
 |
| My friend Tarah Saint-Elien came for the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards! |
 |
| And she did a video, check it out! Adorned in Armor's in London! |
 |
| Some double deckers in Oxford Circus area. |
Hopefully I've captioned them all appropriately and succinctly enough for you to catch the brevity of my endeavors. Haha.
But yeah, that's been my month and a half here in England in a nutshell. Of course there's been a ton of friend-making and sight-seeing and adoring of people back home, who I miss very much, obviously.
One of my friends, Nicole Sheehan, came to me, asking me of my experience in particular detail. She's been thinking about it herself and with her questions came my own revelation: how fortunate I am to be studying abroad, in England, where another heart of theatre resides outside of my personal range back home. When she asked what was the best "takeaway" experience I've had while over here [ and she didn't mean their alternative dubbing of takeout for some food or something ] I told her that it was a tough question, namely because I could ramble on and on about so many things.
I've been doing the 100 Happy Days challenge on my instagram. I'm not going to advertise it because it's not for the attention, but to express the joy and glee of my experiences here [ and also to distract me from how much I miss my friends back home. ] Coming over here with two friends and becoming closer with them from this mutual experience is one of my favorite notions that these three months will give me. Another could be all the readied British accents and knowledge that I could, possibly - don't quote me on this - retain and dish out to you guys and figure out how to utilize in my life when I return home. Most notably, however, was my response to her:
"Oh man. That's a loaded question.
It's a beautiful experience. Like, there are so many small moments and so many things that have happened that I actually cherish and that are making me appreciate life and all the things we do, the liberties we get as Americans.
To stay away from rambling on about nothing, I'm gonna just be honest and say that there's a lot more that I've learned about myself than I thought I would. Tapping into what I appreciate while I'm over here makes me feel more alive - it's subjective because [ I ] usually shoulder things and just transition through life.
You might learn something about yourself too. Like, something really worth while. I'm a lot clearer with what I want to do now that I'm over here.
It also helps to have new people who are just as passionate and talented as your friends back home. And to have fun, of course.
[ I don't know ] if that's in the general spectrum of what you were expecting to hear, but I guess that's what I've got. Hahah.
How's your day so far?"
Playing with strangers in a different audition environment taught me the readiness on my feet I needed; running around in class with exploring, physical thespians has taught me the utilities of my physicality that I have briefly kneaded with classes back home; exploring the countryside and walking through the city frequently has built my sense of navigation and reverence of culture.
I just wish I had an amazing camera like Deb's to capture all the beauty of it, crystal clear.
Regardless, I've been doing what I can by capturing moments and living them, simultaneously.
I'm not gonna lie - it's been pretty emotionally taxing. Before I left, I cried. When I got here, I napped all day, every day [ I still do that when I don't have classes. ] When I'm in class I'm overwhelmed with remembering things as I learned them and adapting to how the systems over here work.
But I can already tell it's going to be worth it.
Remember back in January? My birthday entry?
If you don't, take a look: "Alone" by Milika Cheree.
I had this Month-by-Month thing I've been trying to exact forever. And this year looked pretty solid until the summer rolled around and I let laziness get the best of me. I mean... not laziness - the busy schedule I had this summer. Yeah, two shows! Cats and Cabaret for a Cause.
 |
| My Cabaret for a Cause 2014 Family. Love you guys! First day [ absent. ] Opening night! Closing night dinner. |
 |
| My Soto Family. <3 [ L to R: Mikey, Ash, Krista, Maria, Erika, My Beau Edgar ] |
Nevertheless, here is what I wrote for the 10th step of Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity.
10. Don't give up. It's hard when it's hard and it gets harder when you least expect it or need it. But there's always a reason for everything. And just like any other experience in life, the end result may differ from the original product: if you give one-hundred percent [ 100% ] of yourself to your commitments and to yourself, you will have nothing to worry about. The container will take the form of the people and things you set aside for the rubbish or that were very cherishable to you. You'll wonder how they got in and how they protected you from the relentless heat of Life, but never mind that - you've got other things to tend to.Pretty straight-forward to me.
With these ten or so days left until Halloween, just make sure you enjoy your life to the fullest. Not because we're stuck on silly philosophies, but because we have the liberty to choose happiness and we scarcely do. We usually peg the pessimism on one another, improperly appropriating burdens and claiming that we have no choice.
Take a step back, take a deep breath, then give it another go.
All the quotes you hear about success or failure share the same theme - every single one of them: persistence. Dedication.
In your process of making yourself a better people, just remember that those people and things that you cherish in that malleable, comforting container you've just put through so much filtering and discretion are all in your life for one reason or another.
Make them feel appreciated and let them know that you're not here to waste their time, but to always do your best.
Cheers!
<3 ~ Your international [ for now ] Monty.
=]
P.s. - I've been without Spotify and co. for a while [ international licensing and such, ] so I've been exploring 8Tracks. It's really interesting, expect the next entry to have a playlist!
Now off I go to watch some Sailor Moon with Deb and Andre!
8Tracks User: Monty Maestro
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