wait 'til our bones are older, our stones to reach the sky ~

I'm sitting in my bed, like I used to all the time.

It's the Fourth of July, America's Independence Day, "Independence from Meat Day" [ according to DaysoftheYear.Com ] and the day my muse decided to pay me a visit.

There's a heap of yarn strings, readied to be prepped for wig-making, the box of tissues they're going into.

I'm listening to an amalgamation of wonderful, thought-evoking sounds:

A favorite veteran, RainyMood soothes my scattered thoughts with some stream-like distance.

A greatly-appreciated partner to the music I am introduced to, InfiniteLooper plays "Atlantic" by Givers, a group introduced to me by one of my dear friends, Soraya [ I called her "Inspi" simply because her username's much more apt. ]

"Atlantic ( Acoustic )" - Givers

We were just panicking, trying to recall the website that we experienced together, which I found very interesting. I don't remember who showed it to me, but thank you to whoever did:

Check out your birthday here: You're Getting Old [ It's really freaky and super awesome, share it with your friends, too! ]


Lastly, an intricate detail that somehow ties it all together: Coffitivity. [ "Lunchtime Lounge" is my particular favorite. ]

Next to me are my pillows and my two boys: Domon and his younger brother Memo Jr., who was a Christmas present from the love of my life.

There's a binder with my audition music in it and a coverless George Orwell's 1984 [ whose date I can never get right nor whose contents I can never stomach enough to commit to reading. ] Beneath it is a file folder, marked "Completed Surveys" that I need to tend to for my mom.

My phone is face down. My room is newly decorated with images from a Disney calendar that I hung in my dorm with my best pal of a roommate, Igor, and from a dog calendar my mom bought me for my room from last summer.

The latest addition to the stuffed animal family on my couch - large, plump and orange - appears to fit in remarkably well, with her simple bill and bulging, blue eyes: Cock.

My brother was doing crunches earlier, but has succumbed to his fatigue and has been laying under his top sheet, idly focusing to his Nintendo 2DS.

My participation contract for CATS is sticking out of all the papers I have stacked to my right, and my SAT Prep book is waiting for me to commit to sharpening my mind with its contents.

-

I don't know what it was that, of all days this year, convinced me to sit down and open this, as if I had nothing else to do, but when I thought about trying to write something for today, everything in my body eased and complied.

It was just... nicely complacent.

Well, it's been a while and I sincerely apologize. I feel like I've lost my way, like I don't know what it is that I'm doing because I've been so busy on my feet, trying to orient myself with my own judgment rather than sticking to the regiment I was always abiding by and writing out my thoughts. Eventually, things melded together in the frenzy that was my life, then took a dramatic slow and eventually brought itself to a steady pace.

Because it's left me in its wake, I don't know how to handle my life.

But I've got some ideas and I'm going to try them out.

I opened this, expecting nothing, but when I saw the statistics of the page, I was surprised to find that there were about 35 views during last month and five from this week: I haven't written anything substantial for months and the fact that even anyone is stumbling across this or even bothering to pay attention to this, for whatever reason, strikes me.

I'm humbled and so excited at the same time.

Here's the thing.

It's JULY. I've been trying to stick to that recipe to become a better person that I told you guys about? It was a hypothetical project, but what better results to prove than to do it myself. I've been trying to convince myself that each month has yielded some sort of semblance to what I've been intending to do, though it's never truthfully intentional.

I've reached a point in my life where I am surrounded with so many people who love me and so many blessings that I'm beginning to take it for granted. This is something that most certainly cannot happen. I owe it to every individual I've encountered to be completely honest with them, and this is a promise that I not only made to the man I fell in love with, Edgar [ for those of you who didn't already know or had some clues but didn't know the full story, ] as well as all the other people in the world I have met, am still meeting and will meet in the future. You know how this goes.

When I looked at the blog the other day, just to keep my mind open for mentioning July's intentions if and only if I got around to an entry, I noticed something:

7.  Stir steadily with an instrument of action. Do, don't think upon everything. Get out of your comfort zone for a few days or weeks or months and try something new that will not only make you feel alive and well, but will also bring you good karma and prosperity.

"An instrument of action."

I've been coasting for so long in my life, always doing things half-effort and with little acknowledgment of the repercussions or anything like that. When I talk to people about this, they're consoling me with sentiments of compassion and understanding, assuring me that I'm being too hard on myself. But, I'm only being honest because it doesn't feel as genuine as I know it could feel - as I've known it felt before.

I'm repairing things with my family, first and foremost. I've told most of them what I need them what I feel like they need to know in order for me to feel fully comfortable around them - the others will come in time and with a learning experience. Most notably, I've discussed many things with my mom, many-a-time, and I'm making the personal resolution to try and mend our relationship, if not start a new one altogether. This is certainly out of my comfort zone, considering anyone who's anyone knows about how I am with my family.

Essentially, my friends are my effective family. I learned how to deal with people from my relatives, though I never learned how to love my relatives unconditionally because I was always operating, instead of living.

"Good karma and prosperity."

This is something that I swear by - everything that I do is always in the best interest of bringing good to other people or occasionally to myself. I'm learning a lot from not only being in a relationship but from the person with whom I'm in the relationship. He's got a lot of things to learn, he's told me, and I'm always assuring him that "as long as you give me your bad, I'll give you all of my good."

And because I just convert all my personal "bad" into "good," I guess that's the vicious cycle that's going to turn belly-up when it's overloaded on good. Then, maybe, it'll turn into a better relationship. And, like, soar through the clouds or something. But if it doesn't, I won't be upset. I can't tell the future, I can only convince myself of mine and work for it.

But, I just wanted to dip my toes back in this, see how the ropes are. Things are a little choppy and stiff, but once I get back into the rhythm, I'll figure something out.

Life Update:

Spring Semester was hectic with two shows that I learned a lot with. Unemployed for the summer; spending as much time as I can with mister-man before studying abroad in England [ for further information, feel free to contact me privately. ] I'm musical director of one of my acapella groups, so I'm trying to learn how to arrange songs without them being super complicated and also managing public relations / social media things for the other [ making a website's the biggest project I'm doing for them, so keep your eyes peeled. ]

`Til Further Notes - Our entire concert is up there, and our recorded videos are being released regularly.

I'm in CATS with my friend Leah from uni and a number of other darlings from the cast of Hairspray last summer. I'm still applying to jobs, trying to help out my mom with her business and trying to have a fun summer, visiting my friends all over the place with an empty wallet.

I'm happy that I have someone really special and awesome to hold my hand along the way and, hopefully, my mom to reteach me everything that I convinced myself I never learned.

Such as to have faith in myself and also the faith that I grew up on.

Thanks for sticking with me, guys.
Hope you don't get too lost too.
If you have any questions or concerns, I'm almost always open to communicate.
Just, y'know, don't get too afraid to talk. I know I do sometimes. Haha.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some more writing to do.

<3 ~ Darin.
=]

"Hardly anything at all..."

I've been in the whirlwind of a semester this spring. I absolutely loved every waking moment of my time in the same vicinity of some of the greatest people that I have encountered thus far. I just wanted to attribute this entry to acknowledging the individuals who I immediately worked with in Reasons to be Pretty at Rider University. Let it be known that even though these are relatively short, I have so many things I wish I could say that you all would understand how much I adore and appreciate every single one of you without being completely redundant. Thank you so much for such a wonderful experience, I'm so honored and humbled by the talent and such a kind environment wherein I never felt that my learning experience was a downfall to anyone.


Greg - It's been such an honor to be your understudy ( and even though I definitely haven't been the best one, ) it's taught me so much and being in the same environment as you has taught me so many things. I really admire your talent and how things seem to come so easily to you. I wish you well in the future and you're definitely going places. Hopefully I can take what I've learned and instill the level of passion and talent that I've observed and taken note of into everything I do. Thank you so much for this opportunity, Greg. You're amazing.

Dan - Danny boy oh boy~ Thanks so much for this awesome experience. As many times I had to go on for Greg and had conniptions, I appreciate you talking me through them. I wish I had more opportunities to work with you guys so that I would be able to learn a lot more than I already have from both you and Greg. I'm really happy for you doing so well at Rider and I know you're gonna get far. Take care of yourself and I hope you're happy with everything that you do.

Melissa - Melissaaaaaaa! I'm so honored to have been in this show with you. This experience definitely was one of the most interesting parts of my life to date and I'm so happy that I got to spend time with you. You're so amazing and talented and gorgeous and such a kind and genuine person that it makes me envious that you're my ( and Igor's ) favorite Steph that there ever was and ever will be. Thank you so much for all of your kind words and your good vibes. At first I was afraid of Abigail, but I learned to admire and respect the Stephanie I now know.

Allie - Ugh. You're so amazing. From Chorus Line to Reasons, you've always been a gem in my eye and I'm so happy that we got to share the space and stage at times. Sorry I was basically stumbling all over the place. Thank you for being such a wonderful person. You are literally the best, and I'm so happy that we're gonna get to spend more years together at Rider. I really hope we get to work on more shows together. Thank you so much.

Angelica - I love you, my fellow understudy. Thank you so much. You are beautiful and I could not have asked for a better secret-asshole to always flounder around with. There are so many things I could say but I do not have the words nor do you have the time to bear with all of them. Hahah. Carry on with your amazing life. Herp a derp.

Emma - I am so happy to have been in both of the shows you worked on this semester. It's always lovely to spend time with you and it's even better that I got the chance to better myself with you in the learning environment. It makes me feel very happy to know that even the Venezuelan doesn't get some of the references to reasons, and that he'll have to spend his time deciphering things. Mwahahah. Thank you very much for everything, Emma!

Frankie - Sorry, I'm busy that day.

Braden - Ah! I'm so glad that we got to work on this show together. You're such a professional and your demeanor in rehearsals definitely inspired me to strive to be better in my craft and be professional about things. Thanks, Brandon. Brenden. Braydon. Brennan. ( Sorry. I promise I know your name. It's there. See? )

Courtney - Me love me some Courtney! Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you're a part of my life. Point blank. Thank you so much.

Milika - I love you. One of my greatest friends to work on such a great show with me. You know me inside out and I'm so happy and so privileged to have had this opportunity with you. Thank you for everything and I'm still working at repaying you for everything you've every given me in my life. Forever.

Miriam - Miriam, I don't know where to begin. I'm so honored that you invested in me and saw whatever growth I had from my acting class with you to the audition room. Thank for creating such an educating and nurturing space for me to participate in my first legitimate straight play as an understudy, with such talented and amazing individuals. There are never enough hours in the day that I can devote to my passion and craft and whenever there's a fault in my dedication or my focus in what I need to take care of, I really, truly appreciate you giving me a reality check and reinstalling the latent courage I've developed to keep going. I aspire to be the great performer that you'll permit me to be, and I will do my damndest to strive to become better every single day. Arigatou gozaimasu. ( Thank you very much. )


<3 ~ Monty.
=]

just for a moment . . . ' let`s be still '

Well, well, well...

Here we are!

The Head and the Heart - "Let's Be Still"

[ Thanks to Leanne Gallati for sharing these babies with me ~ ]

At the end of March.

Yeesh! I never thought these three months would fly by so quickly. Haha. I was really expecting some... decency and order in my schedule when I got back to university. Of course, "expect the unexpected," right?

So Our Town was fun - I still have to finish that entry, which will be published eventually after this one - and Reasons to be Pretty is coming up. I've got a lot on my plate and I'm not the only one, which makes my burden a bit more manageable.

Of course, I'm on Spring Break - at the end of it, nonetheless - and it's the only time from the past three months that I've really gotten wind to write in here. And I'd like to just overshoot the resolution thing I did back in the middle of January. It was really cool writing and every time I look back at it for reference, I grin at the progress and mental connections I've made to each goal. Sorry I haven't been diving in here and talking about them to you guys, but, y'know how Life gets.

Pretty hectic.

1. January - Self
2. February - Care
3. March - Next comes the great part we all love. If you take a container to place the heart in - preferably figurative and mentally fabricated, housing the actual heart right where it belongs [ in your chest cavity, in case you are following the instructions verbatim ] you can sit there and evaluate both your heart and your body with your mind. Take all the time you need: this is a recipe made for either one lifetime or many - however many you need to figure it out. With this evaluation, you should be able to find what you cherish: what you hold dear, what you appreciate, what makes you happy, what strikes you emotionally and what makes you want to go to sleep to wake up the next morning and breathe air for. Once you have made a list composed of more than [ but no little as ] fifteen things [ accumulative or separately for each category is not distinguished ], you are free to find things in your life that fit snugly in whichever places they belong. Feel free to bend the rules if it's something that doesn't seem to fit at all. However, if it is negative in any aspect, you must set it aside in a pile alienated from the container which houses your washed, thriving heart and your stable body. Let's call this rubbish. Not like we're going to refer to it another time. But, for your future purposes, and if you need to try your hand again at this recipe, "rubbish" is a starting point.

I've always been one to think: whatever I didn't say, couldn't say, or just had no desire to share verbally would sit in my mind. And, by some odd chance, should they have ever been stirred into an energized state where they had some reason to come forth and become real, I probably would not have regretted any part of it. I appreciate honesty - sharing it, receiving it, it's very principle.

I've got plenty of things to be grateful for, and they're probably the standard that a lot of people would be able to compare to their own lives [ family, friends, creatures, hobbies, etc. ] What I'm hoping you also have received from it are the deeper meanings of your piles.

What you cherish. What things fit in your life. What things do not fit in your life, the rubbish.

Why you appreciate, tolerate or yearn to experience life with these things present.

Hey, it's not too late - there are a couple of handfuls of days left in March [ or in the next phase of your life - whichever pace you set yourself to fulfill these steps. ] So? Let's get to it!

What do you cherish?

I'll tell you what I cherish.

In no particular order, they go a little something like this...

• Music - I really like it because it's an element of existence that can easily bring us some catharsis [ emotional release ] or synesthesia [ sensory connection ], take us to another world, or convey thoughts and emotions that would not normally possess as much power without musical tones and a rhythmic delivery. 
• Clouds - I really, really like clouds. Like, if you go on any social media account I have, it's guaranteed to have clouds present, mentioned, or adorned... somewhere. Everyone knows it. I'm pretty sure their juxtaposition to me, sky-free to land-bound, is why I'm so enamored with them. They're just visible particles of water and air, sure, but, like... they just look so peaceful. [ Except storm clouds, but even those look really awesome! ]
• Smiles - Because what would the world be without them? How would you communicate that you're truly happy, or be able to convey your emotional standing, not wanting to say a thing, or even make the happiness you house contagious? I mean, sure a laugh's the next best thing, but think about it - how creepy would a laugh be without any smiling!?
• Broccoli - They're like tiny little trees. I love the color green, and broccoli has always kinda been my favorite vegetable. They clean you up pretty good, too. Healthy foods, hip hip hooray!
• Puppies - I practically melt upon sight. Puppies and babies tag team to make me mewl over the cutest things in existence. Anything in its earliest, purest forms is defined to reign in adoration, and I'm pretty much just another sucker. But dogs are my favorite animals, so it doesn't make things any better.
• Cartoons - I grew up watching them, as any other kid does, I'm sure. With shows like Tom & Jerry or Scooby Doo, I found that my character came from the innocence and corny humor of these shows. Plus, your favorite cartoons remind you of your childhood. Fewer responsibilities and simpler times.
• Friends - They helped make me who I am, plain and simple. Each and every person I meet, I consider a friend until the day of expiration or their decision of termination of our friendship. Thankfully, that rarely happens, and I'm sad to have lost a few friends, though I never feel like a friend of mine is any less important than the next, because they help me figure out who I am, what I like and how to operate as a socially-adept human.
• Water - Without it, we'd be dead. No, I'm kidding. Well, not entirely, but that's not the only reason why I really, really like water. Water's important and it's probably one of the biggest, most crucial components on our planet and it brings people together and tears people apart. Of course, I'd much rather the former rather than the latter, but in all honesty, it's a tangible and real thing that does not vary in denotation across the world.
• Movies - Movies give hope. Movies entertain. Movies bring families together. I'm not the biggest movie-buff out there, I'm sure I've said that before, but I really do enjoy the aspirations and worlds that production teams create. And now getting a better understanding of all the work, all the sweat and tears and joy and energy and focus that gets put into a film, by all those people? It makes me appreciate the art even more so.
• Apples - Probably my favorite fruit. I really like green apples and they're the main staple of my healthy diet. Without them, I'd probably be less inclined to eat the way I do. Plus, they're really, really fun to pick and, albeit a bit of a nuisance [ and by "a bit," I mean the worst experiences of my life ] during springtime with the blossoming and the pollen.... well... yeah, there's nothing else - it's miserable, but just that part of the apple.
• Winter - My favorite season. The cold, the breaks, the fun and fantasy of snow that makes the brain buzz with activity. And the one time that the world does something mystical with the elements, bringing the air and water into some special state, y'know? Snow's not an every-season thing.
• Lady bugs - The only type of insect I'll give my pardon to. Possible because they're the most aesthetically pleasing, to me at least. And I use to pick them off of leaves when I was younger and they'd just crawl around on my hand and then fly off. So docile, undisturbed.
• Family - You learn a lot from them, y'know? I may not have the perfect family, but who does, really? And I'm not the greatest human being on the planet, but I've been molded by a pack of humans that definitely have existed longer than I have, so I've got my hat off to them to say the least.
• Babies - Same as puppies. So precious and adorable, I just lose myself in their playful energy. And while they'll test patience, if you're sweet enough and they're cooperative enough, you might just fall in love once over with them. Sleeping babies are a whole 'nother ballpark - the cutest.
• Superheroes - The reality of the world's too grim, too dark. We need some reason to lift our chins and believe the notion that we are capable of doing anything we set our minds to. Superheroes, in my opinion, are the purest forms of role models for that. While they may fabricate from imagination and surreality, they present the world we live in, its impossibilities, and highlight the ways in which we could thrive, survive and live if we were like this.
• Pets - Having your own little creature who doesn't communicate in the same ways as you provides you with some solace, some confidentiality that I think humans need. You'll love and appreciate each other. Plus it's all a thing of preference - you'll love whichever pet you get [ cat, dog, cow, rooster, fish, etc. ] and your animal will either tolerate you or love you. Only if you treat them horridly should you ever deserve the hatred of an animal.
• Lovers - You learn things from the people in your life, and the ones who bring out the truths in you are definitely my favorite. You learn your biggest lessons when you're in your roughest times. So it only makes sense to give credit to yourself for allowing yourself to have that experience with whoever, whatever for whichever reason, and then acknowledge what happened, what you did and how it made you into the person you are today.

I've done a lot of thinking. From the get-go of this year, however, I haven't been actively tolerating anything that doesn't "fit" in my life to be in my life. I've always deterred the drama that I don't need participate in. I've given my advice and twopence where people have asked for it, but I try my best to not butt in where I'm not invited and keep to my own dilemmas.

Everything that goes into the rubbish pile, though, doesn't sit and collect a putrid scent.

It gets thrown into the recycling and goes right back into the world for someone else to use their energies on fixing it or taking it in to better themselves.

You receive the energy you put out - you receive the energies you believe will benefit you.

If you're treating the world around you like you cherish every ounce of it, you might get a bit more goodness your way than you were anticipating.

Don't forget why you're here.

And if you don't know, then enjoy the ride until you find out.

And when you do find out, embrace the happiness it will bring to those around you, as well as yourself.

Thanks!
Hope you had a happy March. Catch up with you in a bit.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

Sixteen

It's strange
The gaping cavity which once hosted
Both the syncopation of life
And a soul
Though once I no longer could identify it
It, like a coffin, reached with ghostly hands,
Transparent to my eye and intangible to the surfaces around me
Reaching, stretching for everything and anything
Anything and everything that I knew
Made little sense.

The faces I could recall,
Etched out with the trembling retina their countenance
Confused but stolid
With a familiarity of those that had already gone with passing,
Danced like fools in the night:
Free, undisturbed and belabored of whatever it was my soul housed.

Of course, it was no longer there.

In this existence, in this instance,
It resonates as though purpose to be rang like bells
With no tongue or cried like birds
With no lungs to breathe the air they soar through,
No wings to grace the world they gaze over.
It is a reminiscence that enemies wish upon their kin,
But friends do not.
The same sensation that people abhor with judgments
But snap to in comfortable leisure,
On borrowed time.

I find it easy to ready the mind for Gravity:
Weighted and unrelenting -
I'd even hedge my opinion to resolve that,
Although I am not of the same obligation as the entire population -
Of generations that crawled after their shelter,
Of eons that surmounted to much more prize and reward than I have to offer,
Even of the places that architecture with the very word itself framing the quintessential beauty that is -
The tug is just the same.

Not the tides of the ocean or the ebbs of the conscience remedy this stance.

The darkest recesses do not tickle at what it is I do finesse into comprehension, years and years after it's shallow bubble burst.

But, with baited breath and a shaved chin, scarred and maimed with my greatest falls down into the lowest valleys from the highest mountains, I scale the steep hill - scorched by the rising flames that exiled me from my last bed -
Over to the next field of memories
Where I will learn them each by name and dote another fragment of unclaimed soul-edge to them.


<3 ~ Monty.
=]

`` h o p i n g ; YOU`LL COME with me . . .

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

"Alone" by Milika Cherée

 Welcome to 2014. With the first entry, as you're reading presently, I present to you a lot of niceness and kindness and maybe a recipe for disaster flipped upside down and made into "self-promotion, progress and positivity."

Not exactly a name for a dish that rolls right off your tongue, but I'm pretty sure you'll appreciate it way more than your taste buds will. Probably. Hopefully.

Anyway, check out that link first. It's the magnificent work of my friend Milika. For those of you who are new to the whole blog ordeal or just are now tuning into the 2014 edition of Unspoken Words to Unexpressed Thoughts [ could you imagine if this was actually a thing? Bahaha ], Milika Cherée is one of my best friends I've met in my years at university. She's a glorious human being with whom I've developed such a strong and immense bond with that I would never have expected from anyone in my life. Of course, talent seems to find each other - he said ever so nonchalantly - and I've been graced with all the people in my life, just like her.

Take a listen. It's really good. Like... really good. And, of course, all the good in my life, I'd like to re-institute a way of sharing that with you. Naturally, that would be this. [ I also got the mobile application, so the entries should come more frequently than they have - he emptily promised once over. ]

I'd like to take a moment to say, as I always wish I could every moment of the day [ and probably will start in 2014 ] that I appreciate every single person in my life, out of my life or yet to come into my life for surviving each day they do, for making the choices they make. The world is filled to the brim with people of all types, of all shapes and sizes and with different minds, cultivated from different backgrounds. Here, I stand with more experience in my twenty years this life than I have in any other life I've experienced to date.

See what I did there?

I'm thoroughly enjoying that strike-out feature. Sorry, I'll cut it out now. Haha.

"Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity"

 Before you begin, wash your hands thoroughly with pure, unsaturated gratefulness, unblended admiration and compassion-concentrate. After drying them with the acceptance of the world around you, you may prepare the appliances:

1. You'll need one large heart. It's okay if it's beaten, tattered, broken, mended, full or empty - it just needs to be your own. You'll need to inspect it for any vices, biases or anything that could taint its composition any further. If it's a bad habit, you'll need to wash it with the same components you washed your hands with prior to preparation; a bit of a tenderness with the cleanse will do it good, but try to be patient - it will thaw and rid of its blemishes with undetermined and unprecedented time.
2.  If you open your eyes and inspect the heart thoroughly, you'll find with it a set of connections that plug into different parts of your body. This is tuned and intended to keep your body running well at a standard temperature of ninety-eight and six-tenths [ 98.6 ] Farenheit - thirty-seven [ 37 ] degrees Celsius for you intelligent creatures. It is homeostasis, your body's natural standard for functional operation. With it, you'll find your immune system and your different, internal regulators - blood pressure / cholesterol; blood cell count [ white and red ]; enzymes; acids; etc. Do well to observe and tend to their needs, requirements and, essentially, take care of your body.
3. Next comes the great part we all love. If you take a container to place the heart in - preferably figurative and mentally fabricated, housing the actual heart right where it belongs [ in your chest cavity, in case you are following the instructions verbatim ] you can sit there and evaluate both your heart and your body with your mind. Take all the time you need: this is a recipe made for either one lifetime or many - however many you need to figure it out. With this evaluation, you should be able to find what you cherish: what you hold dear, what you appreciate, what makes you happy, what strikes you emotionally and what makes you want to go to sleep to wake up the next morning and breathe air for. Once you have made a list composed of more than [ but no little as ] fifteen things [ accumulative or separately for each category is not distinguished ], you are free to find things in your life that fit snugly in whichever places they belong. Feel free to bend the rules if it's something that doesn't seem to fit at all. However, if it is negative in any aspect, you must set it aside in a pile alienated from the container which houses your washed, thriving heart and your stable body. Let's call this rubbish. Not like we're going to refer to it another time. But, for your future purposes, and if you need to try your hand again at this recipe, "rubbish" is a starting point.
4. After you've your plethora of pleasures, do well to find them in life. Once you have found them in your life, exact how you're going to share them with those around you. In what proportion? Are you going to share all of your happiness to convey to others who may or may not appreciate the things you do as much as you do? Are you going to share as little as possible to keep the bliss to yourself? It is suggested to give the heart the judgment, leaving whatever you share to the same compassion broth which should be pumping from the heart to the body.
5. With the sharing testing the caliber of your happiness and your surroundings, take another look. Do these things still make you happy? Do they make the people around you happy? Do you appreciate the things or people with whom you've experienced these results with? Take three-fourths [ 3/4 ] of the negative responses and set them aside for the rubbish. Do not set them in the rubbish, merely make room for the quintessence of your happiness - for the things and people that mean the most.
6. Add a [ 1 ] cup of sugar: do not get down in the dumps. Sugar - artificial or natural - does well for your cells. { Accredited source. } It is simply the energy source that provides your cells the capability to do what they need to. Whether this sugar is literal - eating healthier with more fruits, vegetables, proportioned meals and properly prepared diet-work - or figurative - holding a perspective that absolves detrimental attitudes and extracts happiness out of every situation, good or bad - it will do well if added in the right proportion. If poured properly, this will make the contents glaze with a lifetime of pleasant experiences and bonds that will be greatly appreciated at a later time.
7. Stir steadily with an instrument of action. Do, don't think upon everything. Get out of your comfort zone for a few days or weeks or months and try something new that will not only make you feel alive and well, but will also bring you good karma and prosperity.
8. Resolve what it is these elements of your mind, the cup of sugar and your listings and sorting, will do for you. Do not forget who is going to slave over this great concoction, who is going to provide this recipe success - and that is you. What do you aspire to be in ten years? Where do you want to be in life within the next fifteen to twenty? How about in one year? Let your options set for about a week or two, and see if any bubbles form. If they do, weigh them down with a thick powder of practicality and reason. If the mixture tastes bitter, add a half cup [ 1/2 ] of sugar with the intent to stop in case the mixture gets too light and sweet. You'll definitely be able to tell.
9. Set this mixture and let it revel in its own juices. Success and prosperity may not come until the end of the recipe or it may have already exacted itself, but it is within the mixture. Let your ambition and passion ignite and heat up with excitement up until you're ready for your first step. Whether that is at a cooler temperature than the standard "I've-had-it-final-straw degrees" or the extremes of "I'm going nowhere with my life freezing" and "I-have-too-much-on-my-plate-and-I-don't-know-what-to-do-incinerating" it is all subjective to what you feel. Don't forget to feel. Just judge when you're ready to put yourself and your life to the challenge and, when you are completely prepared and dying to take that first step, open the ambition and passion and set the container in. [ It will be able to withstand all of that you need to endure, don't worry about that. Just worry about getting through the fire and flames. ]
10. Don't give up. It's hard when it's hard and it gets harder when you least expect it or need it. But there's always a reason for everything. And just like any other experience in life, the end result may differ from the original product: if you give one-hundred percent [ 100% ] of yourself to your commitments and to yourself, you will have nothing to worry about. The container will take the form of the people and things you set aside for the rubbish or that were very cherishable to you. You'll wonder how they got in and how they protected you from the relentless heat of Life, but never mind that - you've got other things to tend to.
11. Give yourself a break. Turn off the ambition, resolve, and prepare yourself with some gloves of adversity, of reminiscing and honor for your past to remove your container. It will be hot and weathered and possibly fragile, but your contents will have glazed over into a beautifully transformed heart. This heart that you recognize will have the same form, same shape, same beat, same everything. The only thing that will differ, but not limited to, will be its installation of appreciation. You'll learn to appreciate yourself so much more, ergo connecting appreciation, compassion, love and happiness to so much more in your surroundings.
12. Take a moment to admire the changes you've made. It's not easy as cooking, per se, but it most certainly is doable. And not too many people follow the instructions. Some may waver, some may find faults and mend it to their own, come up with better or worse results - some may even end up with the same heart that they started with. After you spend about a few winks of your eyes, a few tears of admiration and the same gratefulness that bathed the heart before all else, fit the heart right back where it belongs and your body in the place it belongs. Your mind will have recalibrated to accommodate the matters of your new body, and you can enjoy your self-promotion, progress and positivity. Serving size contingent upon the willingness and capacity of your heart.

Twelve steps. Nothing truly symbolic of it, but I thought what better way to fit it to a trial system than to try and provide an opportunity to people to exercise it this year, one step per month. That way, if something goes wrong or something is confusing, you'll have a reference [ myself ] to relate to. I mean, I probably won't get it right completely at the end of this year, but together we'll get something right, at the very least.

"I can't do this alone."
- Milika Cherée . "Alone" -

And while the soul and heart of this lyricist may be bruised and blemished like the rest of ours, she has the same possibility of having positive results with this recipe for self-promotion, progress and positivity - a better year, a wonderful 2014, and an equally magnificent life.

For me, 2013 was the year of "I Can."

Now, 2014 is the year of "I Have."

Kind of in all senses of the word, y'know?

Happy January. Let's work on this one, large heart together.

First, I've got to wash my hands, if you'll excuse me.

<3 ~ Monty.

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" y o u . A R E . p a r t "

The Human Heart.

Ever since I stepped foot on this campus, I've regretted never being able to share whatever occurred to me with myself: my thoughts locked up and confined, without my medium to assist in alleviating a clouded and heavy mind.

If only for a moment, I was given the opportunity to breathe and recalibrate my own existence, I think my visits here would have been more frequent.

However, as I've been asked how I juggle it all, I recall something one of my instructors once said to me:

Born This Way - [ Left to right ] Angelina Valente ( percussion ), Milika Griffiths, Hannah Cohen
Chrissy Hartzell, Angelica Staikos, Sheila Ernst ( guitar ).

" You do what you love because you love it - if you didn't, it would not be as important to you, and you would not find it important to give it occupancy in your life. "

Luckily, I have yet to encounter an experience wherein I disdained my fortune, the hand I've been dealt. Because of this whole-hearted acceptance and "soft reception" of the world around me, I can easily say that the hands I've been dealt have been.... Very flattering, actually.

- THE HUMAN HEART -

The Human Heart - Milika Griffiths ft. Company

If you've noticed my attendance here ( or lack thereof ) you can get an idea that I was really preoccupied. If you didn't, it's totally fine, cause I tried really hard to at least keep my eyes open and let my ears take in as much as they could: I tried to be aware and alert to the world while still engulfed with my own plane.

The Human Heart was a cabaret assembled of songs which highlighted tolerance, unity, love and all the positive reinforcements we need to hear daily in our society. I really wish I could have shared the entire experience with you all because it was so beautiful and all it's members - production and performers alike - are well deserving of all their talent, praise, support and love that they never could even imagine existed.

I just wanted to take this entry to identify all of them and give them the thanks that I would never be able to produce with words in any other setting - because this is my most comfortable medium, writing, it's the best I've got to give you.

Just a side note, I haven't read any of your notes ( except Ellington's because he gave me his first and I had to ) so sorry if I miss the opportunity to make references to yours as well!

[ I mean it's just another opportunity to bring up great memories and absolutely fantastic praises when you might even need them the most. Haha. ]

The Origin of Love - Danielle Pierce ft. Company.

Alec - Hey bud! Thank you so much for everything you've done. You're such a charming character and I'm really honored to have been able to work with you. From the times we've killed giants and children of the moon and earth and stuff to the times where we almost changed "Change It" to an all-female plus a bit of testosterone song, you're a real trophy to sit next to. And as eccentric as your quirky remarks might be, the cast definitely wouldn't be the same without someone to thumbs up at the end of Same Love with me, yo. I absolutely adored "Open Road" and what it did for your voice. Congratulations on such a fantastic show and look forward to working with you in the future!

Hannah - MY HANNAGRAM. Love you so much. You're such a joy to work with and as crass as your diva attitude may be, the moments through which you showed your absolute quintessence of kindness and humility are when you're the most beautiful. I'm so happy I met you before I even realized how often you would be present in my life. You have a very amazing voice, and never get comfortable or lazy or settle for where you're at, because there's always room for improvement. I'm really glad we got to work together for your Rider Debut and we have so many more chances to live our lives together, as silly as that sounds. Don't go anywhere, and don't forget, you can always come to me for anything. Stay true, Big Bitch Diva.

Jordan - You're literally amazing. I wish I were kidding. You have an awesome voice and you're such a pleasant person to work with. I really wish we could have hung out together so much more and become greater friends because you seem like a very kind and peaceful soul. So, while you run back to Alabama, don't actually forget that you are fully conditioned in re-tying your shoelaces because of yours truly. Congrats on coming to Rider, doing your damn thing, and leaving your mark. I really hope you stay in touch and continue to be successful, even if it isn't with performing or anything. Best of luck, bud and thank you so much!

Milika - I actually cannot deal with how liberated my life became when we finally got to work together: out of all the nights of jams and all of the small gigs we've had, I never once thought that I'd actually be able to share the stage with you. You're a beautiful human being and I'm so honored to know you so well and be able to call you one of my closest friends I've made to this very day in my life. There are no words to convey how much I love you, how much I adore you, and how beautiful you are. Inside and out. See you at the red carpet. I'll have my guitar ready. Hahah.

Dani - JUDGEMENT. I love you. You are such a rockstar it's actually disgusting. Hahah. I'm so happy I got to share the stage with you! You're so awesome and talented and your voice is wicked cool. Whenever you EVER are having an off day or you forget how amazing you really are, just believe me when I say that whenever you would sing "Pretty Funny," I was there with you for every single moment of the journey, every time. You're the best: I can't wait until we work together again. We had so much fun together and I'm so happy that our moments during our closing show were so delirious because that helped me so much. Oh, keep on travelin' thru', boo - it's in the stars for you.

Sam - BET! I absolutely adore you. I know you hear me say it to you all the time and you probably get really tired, but it just doesn't seem to get exhausted, my adoration. You're beautiful, hilarious, talented and overall a goofball. So happy we got to hang out together this semester because I was absolutely unaware and unexpecting of this friendship that has developed. "Brave" illuminated your soul every night and I think that the best thing in any possible moment for a performance is to have fun and love everything about yourself for it. Your capability to do as such gave me something to begin to work towards. Seeing that it's feasible in someone else rekindled my hope. I haven't been able to get out of an emotional rut up until the last production, and during "Brave," clapping with everyone on stage, even to Dani and then to Angelina, Sheila and Wendy - that was the absolute happiest I've been in months. And it just tied into everything else. Thank you. Stay blessed. Bet, homie. Bet.

El - I really think you're so amazing. You're such a great character, such a nice and jovial entity that I'm really happy we've got to have our "DL"-bonding time. We definitely need to hang out more because I actually cannot go another two hours with the funniest caveman still alive. Congrats on your Rider Debut and you did an absolutely phenomenal job. There are no words for how much I adore you and how fantastic you are. Thank you so much for the friendship we've developed.

Chrissy - Why are you actually one of my favorite human beings on this planet? I absolutely love your voice, you're beautiful and there's everything about you that is "yes." Thank you so much for the moments we've shared and I absolutely adore you. WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY?! You're hilarious - you already know that; I love you - you already know THAT; your smile makes me bubble and giddy - you probably could figure that one out too. Overall, if I had to work with you in any environment, it had to be this one because I absolutely revere you. Your quirkiness is something I really wish I could embody, if only for a few seconds of my entire life. Thank you for poking me in the eye that one night, because it cleared up my vision to all of the beautiful women on stage who have come so far, you certainly and rightfully one of them.

Emily - HEY GIRL! I really wish we could hang out a lot more because I thoroughly enjoy your company. You're so funny and you have an amazing voice. Just about every time you sang "Who You Are," I didn't know what to do with myself. While I sat on that stool, I actually wanted to cheer for you so much because your talent is surmountable of any obstacle you may face in life. Thank you so much for everything, you're actually so amazing and awesome and I just can't. Keep up the good work and make sure you don't forget that you're actually an inspiring human being.

Kailee - You are so beautiful and you have so much going for you. I absolutely think you're fantastic and you're so hilarious and so talented. I totally miss our acting class together and us failing at life together. But you know that one thing's for certain - I think you have such a beautiful voice and such a sweet and delightful soul that I wish everyone could receive with open arms and make their own. Thank you so much for all of the laughs and smiles, and when we broke down together in Beautiful City, I don't think there was anything wrong with that moment in the slightest. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so proud of you, pero like mi bebe - te amo mucho.

Sean - You are absolutely a magnificent human being. I'm really honored to be working with you and to be learning so much from you, just by being in the same learning environment as you. You're such a sweetheart and I always adored the notion of working with you - from Misanthrope right up to here, it's been an awesome privilege. You are a fantastic performer and thank you so much for all your support and amicable personality, it makes me feel so much more at ease. Congratulations on the show and look forward to working with you again!

Angelica - I can't even begin. First off, congrats, I love you and you're so beautiful and amazing. And every time I say these words for everyone it's because I have so much love for each and every one of you, but it dulls not in the slightest. Your voice is remarkable and your hair is crazy good. I absolutely love you and you make me so happy. I'm so excited to work with you next semester - just another excuse for us to hang out all of the time and love and love and love. Thank you so much for being you. You're such a godsend.

Change It - [ Left to right ] Angelica Staikos, Chrissy Hartzell, Kailee Graham,
Emily Elliot, Danielle Pierce, Samantha Funk, Hannah Cohen, Milika Griffiths.

Lauren - Happy birthday and thank you for working on Human Heart! You've been part of the family since day one and I really loved spending time with you because I rarely got to see you anymore. I miss our acting class and wish we could definitely figure out our lives so we can hang out a bit more. Hope you have a fantastic birthday and congratulations on the show!

Jordan - I can't even. I love you so much. You're the funniest and even when rehearsals got dry and unbearable long before tech week hit us, you made it oh so very bearable. You took very good care of all of us, myself intensely included, and for that I thank you. You did a fantastic job and I can't wait to read your punny card. What else is there to say! I hope we get to work together. Other than that, keep on chasing your dreams: you're super talented and no matter where you go, you're always going to be loved. Thank you!

Cassie - CASSIE CASSIE CASSIE I'm so happy I got to be one of your cast members! Working with you on the show was so much fun. You are actually one of my favorite human beings and I'm so excited for the next time I get to actually hang out with you, mandated and obligatorily so. But, really, thank you so, so much. I'm so happy you were part of this as much as we were because it was definitely a journey I would not have rathered gone on it with than you and everyone else.

Brave - Sam Funk ft. Company.

Angelina - Why are you so talented? I am so happy and pleased and I just am a bundle of excite whenever I have to be graced with your existence. Thank you so much for all your support and all your hard work and you're just insane - INSANE. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And now we get to make music. Yes yes yes yes. CONGRATS ON THE SHOW AND FOR BEING PERFECT, YAAAAY!

Sheila - You are so adorable and I couldn't physically emanate happiness to convey to you how happy I am for the both of you. Thank you so much for all of your hard work and being such a fierce queen with that guitar. Work. Love you, homie g.

Wendy - WENDY! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. You've helped me so much you don't even understand. I can't begin to explain or even fathom how far I've come because of this experience. Congratulations on your engagement and I'm so honored I was part of the family that supported you in this big step in your life. I never told you, but the last performance was for you and Sheila, so I really hope you guys lived up there as much as we did. Thank you so much, and happy marriage!

Rebecca - Well, it would be unreal to say that thinking of what specifically to say would be easy and simple, and the obligation to commemorate you is nothing short of will and commending. Thank you for everything you have done. I have grown so much this semester, and I appreciate it so much, SO much you don't understand. You are brilliant and such an amazing director, I am so happy that I got to work with you on this project, that you confided so much trust and love in all of us, and from the deepest atriums of my heart and inlets of my soul, I thank you humbly and admire your professionalism. Thank you, Rebecca, for giving me an opportunity to do what I love and making the whole opportunity another reason why I love who I am, where I'm at, and all the people around me. This was truly inspiring and I would never think of trading this experience for anything in the world. Congratulations and thank you, again, for such a great experience.

Beautiful City - Jordan Giddens ft. Company.

The Human Heart.

:: Photographs taken by Diana Cooper.
<3 ~ Monty.
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