If no one is standing beside you, be still - and know I am ~

10.

Don't give up. It's hard when it's hard and it gets harder when you least expect it or need it. But there's always a reason for everything. And just like any other experience in life, the end result may differ from the original product: if you give one-hundred percent [ 100% ] of yourself to your commitments and to yourself, you will have nothing to worry about. The container will take the form of the people and things you set aside for the rubbish or that were very cherishable to you. You'll wonder how they got in and how they protected you from the relentless heat of Life, but never mind that - you've got other things to tend to.

Be Still - The Fray 

For some reason, I have a tendency to never finish anything I try to start. I've, like, make the conscientious decision to pursue everything to its completion but, for one reason or another, I get side-tracked and distracted or I become unimpressed and uninspired.

I have a friend who resolved that come the turn of the season upon the autumnal equinox, all of the personal drives would be completely floored. Things got in the way and I've seen less of that friend than I have all summer. I have every intention of making sure they're alright and they stay on track, because that's what friends are for. But, in this new season of their life, it's important that they are reminded that they can rely on others to regain their strength.

I've been living really selfishly for the last year or so. I've been keeping all of my thoughts to myself and the honest truths that I don't want to have to deal with, repercussions and benefits aside. Today, I went for a nice not-so-impromptu-but-nearly-forgotten date with my friend from university. She is everything of resolve and purpose that I strive to exact whenever I tackle things. She carries herself with such poise and grace, it's awesome to have her in my life and always know exactly when to pop up when I need a good fix of inspiration.

Thankfully, the trip was light and jubilant. We visited a bookstore that helped me sort out my thoughts and gave me an escape from the mundane computer screen, steering wheel and reoccurring sounds of my 24-hour lapses. I got the chance to sneak into the pages of a book, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. If you ever get your hands on it, please sit and read it for me. The language is so pretty and the descriptions are stimulating, I was in awe.

I was also reading The Envelope Poems by Emily Dickinson. Enough said. Probably the main reason why I wanted to write tonight, honestly.

Afterwards, we made a pitstop at a cute ice cream shop a few blocks away. It's brisk outside and we were still elated to enjoy a few scoops of strawberry cheesecake and chocolate cinnamon brownie together. This escape was probably the best thing that happened to me all week, aside from having a movie date with my mister to see The Girl on the Train, as well as have a little kick-off conference call for an upcoming project. I'm in awe of people and how great they can be, all the while the rest of the world is hyperventilating because illogical decisions are being made and ignorance is being heralded over wisdom.

It's Libra season and, if you ask me, all of the right decisions are happening in my life because they need to happen. Even if it's not the right decision in my eyes right now, the universe knows better than I do.

I've been cheating myself of greatness. Since receiving my diploma, I've copped out of fully embracing the opportunities I've been given. I've half-assed and made a mockery of what I want to do, but not any more. There are people in the world whose existences I'm reminded of almost every other day that would die or kill to live the life I am living today. People who have less and people who have more who have never known happiness or grace as it's kissed and cradled me. I'm grateful. I'm humbled.

I made a nice series of videos on one of my social media platforms yesterday that expressed my hope and buoyancy of disposition for the beginning of the week. It was a wonderful day - it started out as one and it ended as one. There's hope in my heart that people from all walks of my life, my past, my friendships that are able to find peace and be still for a moment: that their hardships and trouble dismiss them for a moment or so. Just enough of a moment for them to breathe.

For you all to remember that Life is so much bigger than all of us, but it's still so subjective and specific to each and every one of us.

I've always thought that two topics were taboo to socialize about: religion and politics.

No one has the right answer. Nearly everything we understand and communicate over is man-made and/or manufactured by the creations of man. A system of beliefs shouldn't warrant anyone causing violence against another demographic or against another individual because, in the end, it doesn't really matter, does it? So long as I am able to understand the rules and provide happiness within them with justifiable liberty to exercise my happiness, I have no need to fight anyone on what they believe or what they practice.

People will vote for one of two choices, "the lesser of the two evils" here in America. But what's incredibly astonishing is that my friend Erika-Jay reminded her Twitter followers that there are more than two Presidential candidates. I absolutely forgot until I saw some polls pop up on the screen the other night when I was waiting to get a haircut. Of course, popularity and media overpowers everything, but that's how politics are.

To all of the Trump supporters: I understand the vitality and faith. I hope you continue to pursue your happiness and find kindness, love and peace in ways you haven't yet so you can share that with the people you encounter.

To all of the Clinton supporters: I understand the vitality and faith. I hope you continue to pursue your happiness and find kindness, love and peace in ways you haven't yet so you can share that with the people you encounter.

I saw a Jeep with a Trump sticker in my metropolitan neighborhood - which sort of took me back, because I didn't expect it in the heavily modest neighborhood - but I realized that my initial reaction shouldn't dictate my personal interaction with the people who may or may not believe in one political party over the other.

Vote for who you think would be a great Commander in Chief for you and the rest of the American people based on the criteria they need to meet. I don't know that criteria, nor do I meet it, so I'll be looking into the people with 4% and 3% of votes backing them a little more thoroughly before casting my ballots.

Just how my spiritual journey and discovery doesn't have anything to do with anyone who may or may not read this blog. I may or may not express it here, but it won't cause me to treat any human being with any less kindness than I already do. 

I changed my guitar strings today. I only pricked my thumb once and had to change the 1st E [ apparently the thinnest one ] once. Fortunately, I bought two packs because I know how unreliable my restringing and fine-tuning skills may be at times.  It's a really gorgeous guitar and it will always remind me of my friend Laura [ Baby Bat - BABY BABY BAT <3 ] Abrams who gave it to me as a gift so I can learn how to play guitar.

And look how far we've come. Some four-five years later, I'm resolving to play more than 20 open mics before the year 2016 is over. 

Oh, yeah. I've got a bucketlist, for sure. Getting in shape to learn hardcore parkour is on there too. Along with assistant directing / directing any kind of theatrical show in a community setting - which is currently happening with my residency down at La Strada Ensemble Theatre Company. I definitely want to check out all of the boxes next to the list I have for the remaining two months in this year that flew by, just like the rest of them.

Despite your personal preferences, I want you to keep pushing. Keep on doing what you're meant to do. Whatever it is.

Today in the pharmacy, one of the patrons shared that his son changed majors in university. It is a common occurrence, for someone to reconsider their career path and college is the perfect time, in my opinion. However, with the time-frame and the finances always keeping a strong grip on what we can achieve, things like education turn into a tipped over hourglass. 

What you really want to learn and benefit from get lost between the corners of your workload and your dwindling social interactions and pent up frustrations.

Remember, you're a human. Not a machine.

Some people already know this and don't need the reminder.

I saw a show last weekend with Edgar's cousin, Erika who goes to Rutgers for her undergraduate. The show was about a group therapy session with some hippie professional that had an unorthodox approach to sharing and releasing emotions in her group. It was entertaining and the friend that I saw the show for, Roberto Forero, was excellent as always. He beat himself up after, proclaiming about all of the negative aspects of the show that he wished had been better. But what I reminded him was that live performances always make sense after they're over and nearing their end because we as humans focus on what's wrong instead of focusing on - and enjoying - what is right.

Focus on what you're meant to do for you and how to exact that to its maximum potential. You've had all of this time, all of these years of observing and deciphering and understanding.

Don't make another excuse. Do it when you can. Give yourself the time, but stay on top of it.

Breathe.

A friend said that we're not perfect the way we are. He explained through many health-related issues that his condition wasn't perfect and that it was wrong.

Your physical body does not define your soul. You are more than your arms and your legs and your stomach and your cheeks and your feet.

My favorite line of encouragement goes something like this:

"Look at your feet, how they have carried you so far for all of these years and never have complained to you once."

Yeah, yeah. You get sore feet or cramps or you can break them and lose them, but it's about the message: your mind is stronger than your body. 

         ( Most of the time. )

This month is a month of common discomfort and mild intimidation. Use that fear you have of the unknown to help spurn you into discovery. The more you learn, the more the world seems to unravel itself at your feet. People travel the world and never fear death because they have such a greater understanding of what's outside of their four walls, ceiling and floor.

Have faith. Trust in yourself. Give a little more. 

Love a lot more. Laugh until you can't breathe. 

Find a reason to be grateful for waking up today.

It won't disappoint you, I promise.

If it does, you come find me, okay?

Cool. Thanks for checking back in, friends. I'll see you sooner than you can figure out. =]

P.S. I didn't write about Mental Health Awareness Day or National Coming Out Day because I'm still wrapping my mind around any and all handicaps and all sexuality is fluid to me. These are opportunities for you to explore and understand, not for me to huff and puff about life a little more. Consider this one less topic you get to dodge with this entry. Empowerment to those who are in duress and my heart is with you always. You are greater than any other creature on this planet.

<3 ~ Darin.