Mumford & Sons - "The Cave"
Awareness.
How much do you actually pay attention to?
The surroundings you thrive in, the individuals around you - it makes a pretty landscape once you take a step back for a once over. I always say things, I always dedicate time to paying attention, though I never truly appreciate the meanings of these very things.
I miss my friends.
I missed my home.
I missed what I knew and was familiar with.
I actually thought about a few things today. The first month of college practically sped right on by. And, with a whole new territory, I thought a whole new environment would alter things enough for me to weave my way into a higher standing, into a better psyche and lifestyle. Fortunately, my mannerisms hadn't changed, which enabled two things: embrace and resilience.
I'm a practical individual who's most comfortable on ground which I've practically made myself. With a suggestion to "let the wind carry [me]" and even to let things happen and take their course, I interpreted it poorly and let completely go of the reigns - something I would never have been entirely content with otherwise.
If your first instinct was always to smile at a stranger, would you listen to someone who told you to frown or even scowl for no particularly unprecedented purpose?
Stumbling back to my feet, I needed to reassert my mindset. However, it's not enough. Adapting to a change should not incorporate changing nothing in order to adapt: it's simply ridiculous.
I've been lucky enough to have friends along the way who appreciate me for who I am, who have been the reason for my apparent aura, and who I've yet to find a legitimate fault within the realm of reasoning to condemn them for: each and every individual I've crossed paths with has taught me how to be a better person; hopefully, I've been able to create a symbiosis of sorts.
Two in particular helped my awesome (Mega-Chicken-)Monday go from just plain "awesome" to "super awesome-r."
Haha. I really do appreciate them with every fiber of my being.
But I thought of this entry's "theme," if you will, when I was given my critiquing for an exercise during acting class yesterday [ Monday ].
The second was the response in one of my classes.
The exercise was called "Basic Object Exercise" wherein the individual would do something within the confines of a room in solitude - without other presences, without dialogue and within the actor's reason.
I was overly excited to have gone the day I was assigned to, but due to the others who preceded me performing for the allotment of our period, I was pushed to the next class, which was over the weekend. Not that it miffed me or anything, I was just a little less enthused. Of course, my anticipations of the weekend slowing me down were to eventually tinge my performance for Monday's class, though that was a bridge I'd cross when I reached it.
Fortunately, I sprang across the bridge in a pretty colorful leap, if I do say so myself.
My exhibition displayed innocence and joviality and liveliness. Oft when I go up, our instructor tells me that it's interesting to watch me. I search the meaning of that feedback nearly every time she shares it with me, though Monday's exercise was most certainly my best - note how it's been the only one I've shared with you all as of yet. Ha.
And then she proceeded to say:
"You didn't show us a part of your tragic past, but what it is like to see you in a different light: 'This is the part of me that is happy and warm and fun.'"
It then struck me that our prior efforts of trying to impress the instructor, as she had reiterated, no longer mattered, so long as it clicked within us and resonated that we were the ones who were learning. I understood the exercise moderately so, sure, but I was actually excited to go up and do it. Not to show off, but to do it because it was fun.
First time... in a while, I suppose.
That then lead me to think, during the midst of midterm scheduling chaos, of this here blog and how it's been abstinent for a bit too long now. I have nothing to preach to you, but I do feel like there was some kind of "lesson" to pick up from that. I've been a typical college student, if not less than one. I've been meandering to my classes, keeping up with my assignments here and there, and making more friends than I am sense of my education at the moment.
But my visit back home clicked everything back into its place. I recalled why I came here in the first place. I remembered the drive I had to get out of the house and make something of myself - not only for myself, but for the individuals around me, friends and family alike. I have no particular interests in going anywhere anytime soon, though I may have to make amends to the blogging schedule since now my days are getting busier and busier.
Or I'll have to find another way to communicate with you guys, looks like. One way or the other, I've got my buddy Erik by my side the whole way through, and we'll do our best with what we can. Dorming with him is probably one of the best decisions I've made yet, though we haven't entirely been aware of it yet. We need to sit together and actually connect in order for our synchronized being to produce what we desire. And until I learn how to break down my own walls as well as communicate better than the clacking of my fingers against his older laptop [ thanks to mine going "kaput" as of two weeks ago, attributing to my inability to keep up with blogs -excuses- ], I think I've got my work cut out for me.
I'm just happy because I've got a few more friends than I'd expected to help me out.
For once, I'm not spreading myself thin to support all of those around me, but they're extending their arms and pumping their tired legs with me.
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| #LSD&E Laura Sam Darin & Erik My main squeezes. <3 |
"So come outside of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependance when you know the maker's land."
