`` T h e y . j u s t . l e f t . t h e . w h i t e . . . p a p e r . ``

Andy McKee - "Drifting"

Andy McKee, who are you? I've never heard of you before, but apparently, Youtube says you're a pretty familiar guy about the site. Well, I can certainly see why. You're obviously too cool for words, so keep playing your song, and I'll just keep writing in your stead. Sound good?

Good.

This morning, I heard something awesome on the radio.

Lately, a lot of broadcasters and jockeys have been dropping like flies. Something short of oppression, my mother dubs. It's too sudden for retirement and they are merely spoken of or referenced, as though the individuals have been blacklisted and the remaining employees have been forbidden from speaking their names.

Which is definitely lame.

If anyone ever overthrew me from whatever I do for a living - even from this blog... Well...

I'd probably just start another one.

-shrug-

But the people on the radio were telling this awesome story. Normally, in the mornings, I block out everything with my music. However, this morning I was feeling remarkably lazy, so I just threw everything in my bag and went into the car.

A lady was driving around. She was eighty-something, the radio host said, and she was driving out on a parkway. They introduced the topic by mentioning a relatable instance of when you've put something atop a car and [ apparently were in a rush ] forgot whatever it was you placed there, getting into the car and driving?

That's only happened to me once, and I wasn't driving. It was only a box, so I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal, but I digress.

This lady had paper flying from her car's tail. And she was on a parkway.

A man behind her realized that the paper was money - like actual dollar bills. He pulled over, collected what he could, and then tracked the lady down. How he did this so efficiently is beyond me, but kudos to the man, his soul be blessed. Once he got the lady to pull over, he gave it to her or something, and then the host went on to share that the money was for a homeless shelter and that she was bringing it as a donation.

Let's not blame the lady for leaving the money on her car or anything, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation as to why it escaped her, but the amazing thing about it was that, even with the guy having already done one deed, he couldn't make up the difference of the lump-some dollars on his own that she had lost.

So I guess they went along their merry ways, but the man was a construction worker. And what makes it even better was that he told his coworkers about the incident, and they passed around a hat or something and doled out some of their stash. They made up the difference, and it was delivered to the very charity that lady was taking it to.

That is cool. I'd like to meet the guy who did such an ordinary deed and ask him what was going on in his head. Just like I wanted to with that guy who gave the singing train man his sister's restaurant information for a free meal, routinely.

In places where people have been slipping up and stumbling onto their knees, others have been shaping up and reminding us that there is still the hidden compassion and selflessness circulating around.

So, today was my second-last-day-of-work for the summer. Did nothing that spectacular; a lot of students were testing out and doing examinations so they could go on about their business and start their careers officially. It's really awesome how they always seem really happy and my mom is genuinely proud of them and their success.

As much as she fusses and berates all of those who cop out, I know it's because she invests in their potential when they, themselves, have never even thought of it.

Interestingly enough, I've thought of teaching a few times myself. Naturally, I'd have to know what I was talking about, but I think I'd make an awesome teacher, don't you agree?

You better agree. I might actually just do it and then teach your child. Or grandchild. Or nephew / niece.

You never know.

Hahah.

But, speaking of students, the end of summer is here - finally happened for us over here in the Americas. Everyone's dreading and moaning and complaining about their workload, and I laugh - as I always do. It's nothing new, just the same old grind.

I wanted to share something also relating to school today, though. It was something I found on Tumblr - a glint of intellect that you rarely witness because of the flooding "feels" and "fandoms" which frolic about the site.

Here. Take a bit to read it.

An interesting suggestion: "Damn - lay off the bleach".

Done?

Wasn't that interesting? Once again, thanks to that teacher for embracing their fouled perceptions and turning them to a wider window.

I just... The gilded and absolute view of the world and its components we have are really, really wrong. If the world were to lose all of its advancements, all of its crutches, everything'd fall to chaos - anarchy.

People would fight one another for what was left, only to exact the expectation of selfishness being our own downfall.

Well, my mother - something of a source of wisdom for most wise individuals - always alerts me that I was born alone: alone and naked.

Not with anyone else, with nothing on me - no strand of clothing or pixel of technology on my body. Just me in all my great, naked, baby glory.

Morales and ethics. To a great degree, they're intangible, aren't they? They're, like... They're basically, in comparison, as important to our minds now as other people are to us - necessary only in duress and a luxury only in idle existence. But, what's more is that we're all different, and for the little girls of that class to state such things as someone being more beautiful than them in more than one way isn't merely an example of "whitewashing" - the term she used that is basically Hollywood's impression of perfection - but it is also a failure on our part as an entire being.

Another thing I found on tumblr was basically a family holding up two signs.

Here, let's see if I can find it.

Ahhhh. I can't find it.

The first sign said something about ceasing the cyclical and generational repetition of exercising hatred. The second said "And Learn to Love Again".

The family was Middle Eastern, on a bed, and was composed of a mother ( garbed in green, sitting up on the left ), a father ( garbed in brown and lounging on the right ), and a son ( wearing a lighter hue of green, in the middle beside the sign ). The son was probably no older than four, and they all looked remarkably elated and delighted with life.

All of your thoughts of the image are right.

I also wanted to pull up a reference from one of my older entries of when Alton Jameson swung into my high school for a school assembly. I'll grab the excerpt and include the link as well, in case you wanted to read that [ if you haven't already ].

YES! FOUND IT! [ You think I'd be better at knowing where I put my own entries, huh? Hahah ]

"Benjamin was really upset at his early-schooling teacher for instilling the discrimination within impressionable children; 'find what doesn't belong and strike it with an 'x'.' His converse, in a much calmer tone, was 'find what is different from the others... and put a smiley face next to it.'"

This was one of the many things that made me smile. 

- From the entry April 17, 2012 - Karmin: "Remembered"

Yeahhhhhh. This quote made me happy. I think I'm going to reread that entry when I'm done with this.

But it's.. it's just strange. Our summers were spent either at our own interests or to the convenience of our families. We hung out with our crowd of people, with our friends and family who may have given us a lot of grief, but who never produced any earth-shattering dilemmas.

But... the concept of teachers revamping their own vocabularies and approaches to absolve discrimination within the classrooms might be a bit more feasible if we focused on it. I know for certain my younger brother's learning well, and the day I have other young ones who look up to me, I'll try and teach them the same things I've learned myself.

I think it's right, at the very least. And no one's told me I'm a "wrong person" yet, so I'll keep believing in what I hold true.

I've made promises to some people: a "Good Morning Text" roster; obligatory friend-finder program for another; some socializing amplifying here and there - all of it's just sharing love and having fun. Naturally, I'm going to focus on my studies and mingling all the same, but I'm just really honored that the grace of the world has been able to deliver me to such a standing. It's strange to conceptualize from the outside looking in, but I'm definitely... not in the right state of mind to try and delve any deeper. Hahah. I've tried making it settle in, tried convincing myself that it's realer than I'm allowing myself to believe - and, yet, my mind is merely processing it as it does everything else and isn't making a grand deal of going to college.

Which, personally, I believe is a beneficial thing.

This way the nerves are out of the way and there leaves more space for figuring out what our predecessors left behind and situate the ways in which we can amend them.

I say it all the time: you're beautiful as who you are and no one can do your job better than you. I read something on Tumblr the other week that essentially admitted it was... requested to be completely and wholly honest, rather than gild things and sugarcoat them. Even the superficial outlook of banking that the future was brighter, that there were other suffering and basically everything else I stand solidly upon was... unwanted and undesired at times.

"I just want you to tell me that everything's not okay - that way I know it's just that much more important."

- Miscellaneous Tumblr Post

This gathered a sideways look from me.

It does give news a realistic tone when I say that the roller coasters I've seen people on during the summer were brutally honest and abhorrently emotional.

But... Everything I am just needs to admit that there's always that possibility that things will get better.

The definite promise that, if I don't do something to better your circumstances, something or someone else will.

Because you were never meant to suffer.

You were meant to learn.

Good luck in the school year. You'll be hearing from me on Tuesday, definitely.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

it . don`t . move me [ - - ] :: nomore ;

Here.
Have some Peter Bjorn and John.

So. I'm busy this week. Packing and stuff. Right now, I'm transferring numbers to my new phone and stuff. And then I have to run and pick up my mom from work, so I won't be able to really sit and dole out my conscience right now. But I'm sure a lot of people are busy this week anyway.

I'll get a good one to you on Friday.

Until then, don't be afraid to take chances, to question yourself, and to be who you are.

Hope you had an awesome August and an even better Summer.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

watching as the world goes hammering on . you say that you've got nothing left . nothing for you to find . you're gonna wait it out - you live in the dark . . .

Ingrid Michaelson :: "Do It Now"

Where is everyone?

Move-in for most of my friends was this week. Some left earlier in the week. Some left in the middle of the week. Some are leaving this weekend.

I'm here until next weekend, but I mean..

I'm all mopey. Hahah. I figured I was going to miss them when it happened, and it's not that big of a deal because I'm more than certain they're all having great times and making more friends. If they're not, they obviously never listen to anything I ever tell them.

I stumbled over "Human Again" - Ingrid Michaelson's latest album; I actually love the track "Fire" on it, but "Do It Now" speaks to August's Month-By-Month more than anything else I've ever used, I think.

Thanks, Ingrid.

So. I don't really know what to talk about. I'm at my dad's house, and it's one of those places which is.. like, absolved of responsibility on my part. I was always the blacksheep [ in both households ] so it was never my concern to fit in, to assimilate - only to exist. What's worse is that there are so many people cramped in one place, I don't feel like I need to do anything here - as if all of their corners are covered.

I have a better relationship with my siblings than I do with my parents[es].

My mother and father treat me like a son. Occasionally, I'm their son, respectively [ individually ], and only rarely am I inclusively their son. It's something I grew to never concern myself with.

My step-parents, however, were always helpful. I respect them more than I do my own parents, only because they've dealt with my presence, my apparent burdens of existence better than my own parents have.

Which speaks volumes, personally.

But, I digress. I only meant to mention that the environment isn't one to really do anything productive in here. Yet, I'm finding words. A tinge of irony always seems to reach me when I least expect it [ seems like irony's denotation? ]

Anyway. The summer is over. People have gathered their bearings for school in September over here in our Western Hemisphere of weirdness. I have friends all over the place, and a couple of my buddies Way Down Under are just getting out of their school year with finals and all. To each their own.

I got a call earlier today from my buddy Alex, who I bet will even forget today's Friday and there's nothing I can do to harass him to sit and read this. Because I'd rather him have a great time than read me talking in circles, y'know? But, it just goes to show that things are moving.

And Ingrid's singing about all the things that everyone's trying to make their own: "carpe diem; seize the day; live like you're dying; you only live once; etc."

It's about figuring out what you need to do, when you need to do it, and actually doing it.

I went to get a phone for college today. Long story short, I didn't get it because I'm still a baby in several senses of the word, but I did something nice after. I mean, I was standing and watching for a moment, seeing if anyone else was going to do it, but when the guy was searching his person, pausing dramatically as I presumed wonder flooded his system and concern crossed his countenance, I stepped forward to pick up his bus ticket and gave it to him.

He turned to me, phone to his ear and bag shrugged over his shoulders, with the biggest smile I've ever seen anyone give me.

I just paused and stared at that line. It was weird, because I remembered it and it made me feel all warm and tingly inside. Hahah. Love strangers.

One of my good buddies, Matt, announced that he was headed down to DC for college a few days ago.

Miss him already.

And, the best part was that it sunk in, finally: I couldn't call him and ask him if he wanted to hang during the weekend.

I mean, it's not like he'd be dropping off the face of the planet. It's just that he'd be out of my reach for a few months.

And what's worse is that I'm thinking that I won't have reasons to harass them anymore.

But that's obviously ridiculous.

I said my goodbyes to certain people who were available and I was in the mood to not get all misty-eyed over. Hahah. Others, I don't intend on relinquishing from my incessant communications with.

"No one's gonna wait for you."

I told some of my friends to go and be social. Go make a lot of friends because making a lot of friends is always fun. And it makes it easier when you're trying to spread the good, y'know?

For some reason, I feel like I need to say something else. But I don't know what to say. And this entry's a little all over the place because I'm just listening to Ingrid and trying to focus on her rather than the bed I'm sitting on. Haha.

In a couple of weeks, I'm going to be in a new place, just like all of my friends.

And they're making me feel like a parent, all sentimental and stuff. Hahaha. I guess it's the ties as "family" or whatever, but it is what it is.

Hopefully they just remember what we all learned together and remember who they are. At the very least, if you don't remember what I told you and don't be yourself, I'm going to hunt you down and visit you on campus.

And make you be yourself. Or something. I don't know what you want me to tell you. Just go and have fun for the rest of your summer.

Because college is gonna be different from our times in high school. No more drama, no more stress - just friends and your business.

Just make sure you stay on top of things and you'll be fine.

To all the rest of you, you have no excuse not to read these entries. Hahaha. I'll be harassing you throughout the rest of the school year. Just try not to miss me too much, and we'll make it through, easy. Promise.

Love you guys. Hope you all had an amazing summer - or, in the Eastern Hemisphere's case, go have an awesome rest of winter and a lovely Spring. Hahah.

Yeah.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

My mind so clear I'm thinking positively...

The sounds of the crashing waves below.

The distant whispers dancing along, enveloping reddened earlobes.

A neck tense with heat. A face flushed with color - lips, drained of their own color.

Glassy eyes look down - past the raggedy shoes upon their nippy toes, beyond the concrete railing upon which these same raggedy shoes were firmly planted upon. A fog danced from the faded lips, expelled from fresh lungs - tendrils and curls of vapor dancing into the majority of vision.

A breeze danced by and cuffed it away from even the peripherals of the visage.

It was a sight to behold. The beauty of the cobalt below, crashing over itself - churning, sloshing with each passing second. Nothing would remain the same: the waves changed every waking moment, as did everything else.

The same breeze had exercised its energy to everything in the area. The figure standing upon the concrete standing shivered after a moment's silence.

There was little light, so early in the day. Bleak daylight that could not fight its way through the veil of thick, condescending clouds - that fought so very terribly to boost every aspect of life and give the flourishing plants the support they needed; the dark pathways the luminance they needed to ensure a safe delivery; the solidification of another day to ensure that time had not dared to stop.

The promise that it would never threaten to stop.

The closest external sound came from far off. The murky morning masked many, monotonous machines - maybe maneuvering madly-massive minds farther away from further turmoil. A car's engine was something sparse this early in the morning.

It was the last soul creeping in from the night or the first soul rising for the morning.

Whatever their intent, it only spurred for a quicker execution of the plan.

Irises never left a fixed point in the waters below. They were freezing, any mindful creature would know of this - the foam that leaped into the air, crashing from the pillars which supported the very attachment of the concrete railing those same grungy sneakers stood upon danced, giving what little grace could be offered to the uninviting, rigorous waterway.

There were no boats to search here. No creatures to pass through. No minds to imagine, to fathom such a feat. It was so high, so far up from the water, that it felt as though wings would sprout from any joint at any moment - all there was left to do was lean forward.

"Stop!"

An inkling had been the only thing leaving feet plastered to the concrete. Shifting uncomfortably, a sharp breath whistled into the fresh lungs. What was presumed to be one's last breath quickly turned into another.

A hood covered its round face. Cheekbones were sharp, eyes bugged slightly in bewilderment. They searched and frisked every visible surface - neck craned and waist slightly twisted to inspect the audacity of one who dared to challenge their courage - to challenge their judgment and decisions.

No one.

Eyes quickly reinspected the waters.

Nothing had changed, yet they had changed entirely: there were a new set of waves swerving in different angles at alternate velocities with unique altitudes and volumes - everything had changed of them, though nothing had changed about them.

They were still waves.

Another breath left, vapor curling away just as it had before. This time, the exhalation was shaky in time with the breath's disappearance.

"Wait!"

Goosebumps.

The sound of footsteps.

A quick whirl around left a bit of disorientation to waft about in the air, but revealed that there was, still, no soul in sight.

For some odd reason, the eyes felt compelled to look alongside them - to their right.

There was another individual, just like them - covered up and bundled up, with rags and tattered cloths about them. They were a bit out of arm's reach, very much so, yet the details of their appearance were vivid.

"Here!"

A figure came chasing after it. The heartbeat that hammered through its ribs, the breaths that robbed the sun's intensity of its flames that flared at its nerves - even the perseverance of its muscles as they ached from the eons of pursuit - intrigued the onlooker. While the two newcomers were being spectated, they did not seem to acknowledge their third, and original, presence.

"Don't! Please!"

The voice was booming. Winded, exasperated, exhausted, desperate, dejected, lost, pleading - completely fractured.

The fellow spectator-acrobat, between both the original visitor and the last of the newcomers, turned to face this person. Their faces were the few details that couldn't be made out. The furs lining their coats, their hoods, the snowy flurries that danced around them cascading and hurdling all the same - all of it appeared distinctly detailed.

Remarkably refined.

Their faces, however, were straight as a clean slate.

The whirring of a vehicle grew, swelled, and then mumbled as it danced by. It hushed itself more for each second it continued on, as if the excuse of there being snow piled upon the ground would excuse its passing through.

Vision snapped back out to the blurry vision of the horizon that could barely be made out.

Then to the waters below.

"Don't jump!"

The scene with the two strangers had transpired to a point where its apparent location was beyond the grungy sneakers and concrete standing, but at a midpoint between the water and the bridge.

"Okay! Okay! I'm here! Fall into me!"

Extended arms unfolded, as if to prepare a safety net for the unseen descent.

The observing eyes soon succumbed to the eyelids which protected them from what seemed to be the truth all around them.

"Whatever you do, just don't jump. Please!"

This time, the voice came from behind, which made the entire essence taut with surprise.

Whirling around, the same arms that had been extended down by the waterfront were extended directly in front, the face wet.

Not with snow or with perspiration, but by tears, evident by the reddened nose and eyes.

Without clue of what to say, the spine aligned itself rigidly.

The swelling of a heartbeat that had been dormant for so long swam through veins, through muscles that had been inactive for so long, past nerves which had been deadened for so long - through the ears which had only heard for so long.

They now began to listen.

"Just spin..."

The command ushered closed eyes without thought and obedience. The enticing thought of leaving it completely up to chance always enthralled the opportunity to explore.

"And trust that I'll catch you."

And gravity pulled.

The fall was much farther than expected, with the winds attacking its bare legs - but when the heartbeat had stopped thundering in rejuvenated eardrums and eyes had opened, the skies above appeared much clearer than before.

And then the water exploded all around you.

But, before your vision is completely obscured, you see something is wrapped around you.

Those same set of arms that promised to catch you.

And a smile crosses your lips.

Because you know you could never be alone, upon the top of the world or even as you sink to the depths of darkness.

You could never be alone.

<3 ~ Monty.

=]

STOP / now , there`s no POINT IN BREATHING `` it`s not { allowed ; . o n . theSURFACE , how can you [ f i n d ] :: reason to MOVE.ON?

I hate mosquitoes.

I know I'm not the only person in the world - the only sensible person - who thinks they're the worst thing in the world. No. Not one of the worst.

The. Worst.

You're forever at the bottom of my list, mosquitoes. In fact, you're not even on my list anymore. You don't deserve to be on my list.

Anyhow, excuse me for that little bit. Just had to get that out in the open air, in case they wanted to read it while they were leeching me dry.

Just sayin'.

This weekend! It was... quite eventful!

Friday was the beginning of great times. I can't really remember what happened, but I think it was something pretty uneventful. But it was the beginning of the weekend, and that's all that matters. Saturday, my good buddy Matt scooped me up and we headed down the shore for his birthday fiesta. Sunday, we got to play in the waves with my good friend, Brittany "Perf / Like the Pasta" Barilla, and laze on the beach, and I got to run back up on a train to surprise one of my other good friends, Baily Blanchard, with a bunch of other good pals before we all ran off to college.

I mean, I was expecting to go further into it, too, but I didn't. Weird. Hahah.

Here are a few of pictures to help out, I guess.

Ohmy. This is my Perf. <3
How I've missed you so~
;p;P;p;
-backrub-

My friend Rachael and myself surprising BubblyBays. <3
[ RENT ~ ! ]

So. Yeah. That was a really awesome Sunday. I had a ton of fun, and I'm sure everyone else did.

Came back home Monday, unexpectedly, and got a few things done. My mom told me I needed to do it, so I did it. Get at me. Bahaha.

And then Tuesday was the day of reckoning. I met up with my lovely Shazzles in the city with her family, and we all slaughtered our feet. Great times.

I think, all things considered, my weekend was the best I've had in a while.

But, you know what's weird? I've gotten, like, minimal satisfaction from it all. I mean, I admit it was fun, but I don't feel like I've had an amazing time. It doesn't help that college is coming up and all and there are last-second frays that seem to spring up all over the place, but I always find my feet on the ground, standing right-side-up, don't I?

Muh. I don't know. I wanted to write something insightful and stuff, but I'm really tired. All I can give you were the highlights, in such an unsatisfactory presentation.

At Baily's Surprise Birthday Party, they were making toasts and everyone was being sentimental, as they do before separating for college and another year of school; they were all great, fantastic toasts, and, in general, I had a great time. It was just then that the fact of college being right around the corner decided to sink in and shift into a comfortable crook in my life. I mean, I'm not all that excited or upset or anything - it's just what it is. Hahah. I'm just trying to get there in one whole piece, I suppose you could say.

Today when I hung out with Shazzles, after the hours upon hours of walking we endured, it then realized that I was finally spending the day and hanging out with her and her family, and it was amazing. Plus, my ability to fabricate energy in any random instance didn't really help me then.

Or when I tried to chase a squirrel and it spread the word for all the others to challenge me.

Oh! Speaking of!

While we were in the city, I met Elmo.

I love him so much.
He laughed when I told him I loved what he did with his fur.
My life is complete.

He was on Broadway with his friends.

From left to right:
If you don't know any of these individuals, you should just never speak to anyone ever again.
And maybe be impressively ashamed of yourself.

So. Yeah. That was fun too. =D

What else happened?
Oh!

On the way back, you know how, if you've ever been to the city, there's always someone playing an instrument somewhere within five minutes of each other?

Well, I was on the shuttle headed back to Times Square to head home and stuff, and there was this guy playing a song on the guitar. I liked it, and his vocalizing wasn't the best stuff I'd ever heard in my life, but it was better than most could do in front of a crowd, willingly at that. There was a lady seated before me who was staring at my face. I was pretty sure she could read it all over me that I wanted to help the guy.

I thought of what I had on me that I could give him.

He pleaded for even a dime to help him, and shared that his mother had passed and he was doing what he could.

"At least I tried, right?"

Those words hit me hard. I wanted to give him my Livestrong wristband. I didn't have a You Are Loved one since my friend Solly gave it to a woman who was crying when we were in the city a month ago. I should have given the man the Livestrong, even if it didn't do anything for his cause.

We pulled into the stop for Times Square. Everyone pooled out after having stared awkwardly into the face of another individual who was intentionally not looking at the man with his guitar.

Shit. I'm trying to remember the guy's name.
I really hope this is right:

"Hey, man. This is my sister's restaurant," I heard as I started walking towards the doors which shuffled open, people teeming out, "if you ever get hungry, just go there and get yourself something to eat. Tell her Omar sent you."

I immediately looked at the man. He didn't look much older than the same guy who gave him a card. They didn't look more than a decade older than me.

I immediately touched my chest and did whatever I could with good vibes towards them both.

I accidentally walked into a lady, and we simultaneously uttered "sorry."

And then I chuckled as I walked.

I turned. I tried to find the guy, and I saw him by the stairs. I was going to ask him why he did that, if I could mention it, and questions like that, but the people obviously made it hard for me to find him, and by the time I had reached the streets, he had vanished within the schools swimming everywhere.

Hesitation's no longer a part of my vocabulary.

Even if that man was lying, what would six cents have done me any good for?

Later down the line, when I would come home and sit out my doorstep, locked out of my house because my keys were in my bag which was in Matt's possession since I left my things at his place on Sunday?

Not exactly.

It's just.. As nasty as people can be, as many times you can find all the right reasons to hate people for doing all the wrong things, there are always beacons of light who'll make you reconsider what you've done in your day.

Not like, "Oh, I should be a better person right now," exactly, but something like, "was that really the best I could do?"

It's weird. Everyone's fully-packed for college.

I haven't started yet.

I know, I know. I should start, but I'm going a bit later, so I'm still gathering what I can of what's left.

Not much, right? Hahah.

Well, regardless of what happens, I'll be starting in September with what I have and doing what I do best:

Try to figure out what it is exactly that I do best.

You can figure it out, from your attributes, friends, interests and et cetera, what it is that you've got left on your plate, right?

And, as I like to ask myself sometimes:

What's stopping you?

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

i f . i t . FALLSAPART ; I would surely WAKE IT - { brightlights turn me { clean . - this is worse than it seems ::

If I could meet one person who did what they were supposed to when they were supposed to without fault or error, I'd ask them why they did it, what happened, and how it felt.

I'd ask them what I could do to ensure that my levels of efficiency were as close to theirs, or as close to acceptable for more than just me, and then I'd sincerely consider their advice, if you'd like to call it that.

Then I'd proceed to ask them to do something for me, improbable or not, and observe them doing it.

Sounds strange, but it's kind of true.

The tenth of August already. I've noticed the arms waving all about, counting down the days, the hours until we're carted off to college to live on our own. I'm only anticipating a smooth transition and less of a burden in regards to interaction.

However, seeing as how I still don't have everything figured out, I find it pretty... ridiculous, frankly, to just set my sights on what's ahead. I need these loose ends, these things wading alongside me to be tied up.

Better yet, I need to tie them up myself.

If you've any younger siblings or any younger relatives who are oft around you, it would do well to ensure that, if they're not already settled in their own mindset or have developed to a point where they no longer truly "listen" to you and only "hear" you, they are molded coherently to raise themselves. I'm between a rock and a hard place: I've got two families tugging at both of my arms at odd rhythms that sometimes mesh with the palpitations of my own. And, more often than not, I'm at fault for whatever goes awry.

I may not even be there for more than three weeks at a time, but it's always someone's fault.

Just wondering why that someone always has to be a legitimate person. Not necessarily me, no, because I've endured enough of it for long enough to understand what to do with it and how to deal with it.

If everyone did what they were supposed to, when they were supposed to, there would be minimal error or concern, right? That's the idea I've been... brainwashed with.

"Brainwashed" is used lightly because "pounded to be engraved in my skull" sounds a bit.. violent.

Thanks to My Angie <3, the song for this entry is a song by The Naked and Famous. I like the few songs of theirs that Pandora has showed me so far, and I think they've got a few more that I'd be very interested in. Thanks to her marvelously spectacular shuffled-iTunes, this is what she shoved in my direction when I demanded a song of her, and it's certainly helping me get this done.

At the very least, it's an entry that helps you realize that there are either things wafting around you that need your attention or that you've been squandering your time with the things wafting around you that you need to focus your sights and determine a waypoint.

My mom invited me, via my younger brother, out to Barnes and Nobles and then out "for a bite."

I think I'm going to just stay here and, y'know, take care of the fiscal matters as I can, seeing as how I'm left to learn everything on my own.

Note: this is the purpose of my earlier mention of making sure the younger ones are aware of life before it hits them and you're not around to help them out.

So. Yeah.

Make a list of what you need to get done, if one hasn't already been made for you. It'll do well to have prospective goals, and after your goals, you can figure out where to go from there if you've got an idea. Just realize that there are more people in the world than just you, yourself, and that person you see when you look in the mirror.

I've acknowledged this fact well enough. I don't need any more reminders.

Because I'd love to be able to have more than a reason to handle my business other than to get me through.

Oh.

I just discovered one.

To get me somewhere where I can help others handle theirs.

Simple enough, right?

<3 ~ Monty.
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~ III Wind ; Ben Webster ~

E X E C U T I O N .

Your first thought when you see the word?

Its connotation: detrimental, depressive, morale-draining experience wherein one's life is taken; the death penalty or something of the sort.

A guillotine: a medieval-times means of the death penalty - a public display of the consequences of defiance.

Doesn't help that I wrote it like that either, does it? Hahah.

August.

A month of preparation. A month of both pumping out the last efforts at making the summer eventful, at doing as much as you can while also winding down, reorienting one's self for the school / business season that runs more than half the year long.

The days have started flying.

Since we don't want this month to end, we want to enjoy our remnants of relaxation and easy-going atmosphere as much as we can for as long as we want, the hours race. We dread the days that we'll be back in a cubicle or behind a desk, listening to bland lectures or not being permitted to sleep in and laze the day away.

But, as last month was surmounted upon "acknowledgment" by its last day, this month's should be based on doing whatever it is you need to do. Basic school supplies doesn't cut it. It's important to exercise good self-discipline, to put yourself where you need to be, not necessarily where you want to be.

August is the month of execution.

The time to realize that this world is a bit bigger than you or me, that there are people out there with more or with less, still doing more than they need to. And it's about time that you showed your worth. Every time someone made you feel insignificant so far as you lost all motivation or vigor, all of the drive you had to plow through, now's the time to reinstate your strength as a person.

"Don't worry about all of these little things that don't matter, just pay attention to the big things that do matter. Don't lose focus of what you're supposed to do."

- My Mama Bear

On the way home today from the Town D.A.R.E. Fair, I had a nice little life-talk with my younger brother. Basically told him all that I needed to tell him; what to focus on, where he was going to be headed, what to do wherever he was going, how to handle with things life throws at him and of his securities. If I had someone to tell me that, to show me the way, I would have been crystal clear. For the most part, there are many things you'll have to learn on your own, but I did have a lot of helpers along the way - can't say that I didn't.

But, it all comes down to what you need to do. Set your sights, set your focuses, your goals. Don't just try to reach them - if they're impossible, you're not going to be able to get to them until you permit yourself to by conquering other obstacles that'll help you reach higher, further, quicker, firmer - if that's what you require.

Even as I drift in and out of casual, idle attention while writing this, I listen to the Jazz on my Pandora's Herbie Hancock station. Every time I hear Jazz, I think of the artist, what the artist had to do to get where they were, how hard they must have practiced to be so proficient, to be so passionate with their particular gifts and talents and how I can learn from them. I'm not the most intelligent nor do I do thorough research on every little thing, but if I focus enough, I'm certain I'll discover whatever I need to, whenever I need to.

I've made my lists to get done. If you've done so as well, it's good - it'll keep you on track, even if you don't keep up to par with it.

Nobody is entirely and undeniably perfection. Never have been, never will be.

"Perfect"'s interpretation oft differs from its actual definition.

If you do what you believe you need to, treat others how you want to be treated and take care of what you need to, you should be good for this month.

There's no kind of dual-pronged lesson from this, nor are there any hidden messages.

Congrats on making it through another month, and for those who I won't be seeing or speaking to for the next heaps of weeks and months at a time, I love you and thank you for getting me this far. I'd really appreciate to see you even farther ahead. Good luck in whatever it is you've got coming up, and hope you enjoy the rest of your summer.

August: Execution.

<3 ~ Monty.
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