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" y o u . A R E . p a r t "

The Human Heart.

Ever since I stepped foot on this campus, I've regretted never being able to share whatever occurred to me with myself: my thoughts locked up and confined, without my medium to assist in alleviating a clouded and heavy mind.

If only for a moment, I was given the opportunity to breathe and recalibrate my own existence, I think my visits here would have been more frequent.

However, as I've been asked how I juggle it all, I recall something one of my instructors once said to me:

Born This Way - [ Left to right ] Angelina Valente ( percussion ), Milika Griffiths, Hannah Cohen
Chrissy Hartzell, Angelica Staikos, Sheila Ernst ( guitar ).

" You do what you love because you love it - if you didn't, it would not be as important to you, and you would not find it important to give it occupancy in your life. "

Luckily, I have yet to encounter an experience wherein I disdained my fortune, the hand I've been dealt. Because of this whole-hearted acceptance and "soft reception" of the world around me, I can easily say that the hands I've been dealt have been.... Very flattering, actually.

- THE HUMAN HEART -

The Human Heart - Milika Griffiths ft. Company

If you've noticed my attendance here ( or lack thereof ) you can get an idea that I was really preoccupied. If you didn't, it's totally fine, cause I tried really hard to at least keep my eyes open and let my ears take in as much as they could: I tried to be aware and alert to the world while still engulfed with my own plane.

The Human Heart was a cabaret assembled of songs which highlighted tolerance, unity, love and all the positive reinforcements we need to hear daily in our society. I really wish I could have shared the entire experience with you all because it was so beautiful and all it's members - production and performers alike - are well deserving of all their talent, praise, support and love that they never could even imagine existed.

I just wanted to take this entry to identify all of them and give them the thanks that I would never be able to produce with words in any other setting - because this is my most comfortable medium, writing, it's the best I've got to give you.

Just a side note, I haven't read any of your notes ( except Ellington's because he gave me his first and I had to ) so sorry if I miss the opportunity to make references to yours as well!

[ I mean it's just another opportunity to bring up great memories and absolutely fantastic praises when you might even need them the most. Haha. ]

The Origin of Love - Danielle Pierce ft. Company.

Alec - Hey bud! Thank you so much for everything you've done. You're such a charming character and I'm really honored to have been able to work with you. From the times we've killed giants and children of the moon and earth and stuff to the times where we almost changed "Change It" to an all-female plus a bit of testosterone song, you're a real trophy to sit next to. And as eccentric as your quirky remarks might be, the cast definitely wouldn't be the same without someone to thumbs up at the end of Same Love with me, yo. I absolutely adored "Open Road" and what it did for your voice. Congratulations on such a fantastic show and look forward to working with you in the future!

Hannah - MY HANNAGRAM. Love you so much. You're such a joy to work with and as crass as your diva attitude may be, the moments through which you showed your absolute quintessence of kindness and humility are when you're the most beautiful. I'm so happy I met you before I even realized how often you would be present in my life. You have a very amazing voice, and never get comfortable or lazy or settle for where you're at, because there's always room for improvement. I'm really glad we got to work together for your Rider Debut and we have so many more chances to live our lives together, as silly as that sounds. Don't go anywhere, and don't forget, you can always come to me for anything. Stay true, Big Bitch Diva.

Jordan - You're literally amazing. I wish I were kidding. You have an awesome voice and you're such a pleasant person to work with. I really wish we could have hung out together so much more and become greater friends because you seem like a very kind and peaceful soul. So, while you run back to Alabama, don't actually forget that you are fully conditioned in re-tying your shoelaces because of yours truly. Congrats on coming to Rider, doing your damn thing, and leaving your mark. I really hope you stay in touch and continue to be successful, even if it isn't with performing or anything. Best of luck, bud and thank you so much!

Milika - I actually cannot deal with how liberated my life became when we finally got to work together: out of all the nights of jams and all of the small gigs we've had, I never once thought that I'd actually be able to share the stage with you. You're a beautiful human being and I'm so honored to know you so well and be able to call you one of my closest friends I've made to this very day in my life. There are no words to convey how much I love you, how much I adore you, and how beautiful you are. Inside and out. See you at the red carpet. I'll have my guitar ready. Hahah.

Dani - JUDGEMENT. I love you. You are such a rockstar it's actually disgusting. Hahah. I'm so happy I got to share the stage with you! You're so awesome and talented and your voice is wicked cool. Whenever you EVER are having an off day or you forget how amazing you really are, just believe me when I say that whenever you would sing "Pretty Funny," I was there with you for every single moment of the journey, every time. You're the best: I can't wait until we work together again. We had so much fun together and I'm so happy that our moments during our closing show were so delirious because that helped me so much. Oh, keep on travelin' thru', boo - it's in the stars for you.

Sam - BET! I absolutely adore you. I know you hear me say it to you all the time and you probably get really tired, but it just doesn't seem to get exhausted, my adoration. You're beautiful, hilarious, talented and overall a goofball. So happy we got to hang out together this semester because I was absolutely unaware and unexpecting of this friendship that has developed. "Brave" illuminated your soul every night and I think that the best thing in any possible moment for a performance is to have fun and love everything about yourself for it. Your capability to do as such gave me something to begin to work towards. Seeing that it's feasible in someone else rekindled my hope. I haven't been able to get out of an emotional rut up until the last production, and during "Brave," clapping with everyone on stage, even to Dani and then to Angelina, Sheila and Wendy - that was the absolute happiest I've been in months. And it just tied into everything else. Thank you. Stay blessed. Bet, homie. Bet.

El - I really think you're so amazing. You're such a great character, such a nice and jovial entity that I'm really happy we've got to have our "DL"-bonding time. We definitely need to hang out more because I actually cannot go another two hours with the funniest caveman still alive. Congrats on your Rider Debut and you did an absolutely phenomenal job. There are no words for how much I adore you and how fantastic you are. Thank you so much for the friendship we've developed.

Chrissy - Why are you actually one of my favorite human beings on this planet? I absolutely love your voice, you're beautiful and there's everything about you that is "yes." Thank you so much for the moments we've shared and I absolutely adore you. WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY?! You're hilarious - you already know that; I love you - you already know THAT; your smile makes me bubble and giddy - you probably could figure that one out too. Overall, if I had to work with you in any environment, it had to be this one because I absolutely revere you. Your quirkiness is something I really wish I could embody, if only for a few seconds of my entire life. Thank you for poking me in the eye that one night, because it cleared up my vision to all of the beautiful women on stage who have come so far, you certainly and rightfully one of them.

Emily - HEY GIRL! I really wish we could hang out a lot more because I thoroughly enjoy your company. You're so funny and you have an amazing voice. Just about every time you sang "Who You Are," I didn't know what to do with myself. While I sat on that stool, I actually wanted to cheer for you so much because your talent is surmountable of any obstacle you may face in life. Thank you so much for everything, you're actually so amazing and awesome and I just can't. Keep up the good work and make sure you don't forget that you're actually an inspiring human being.

Kailee - You are so beautiful and you have so much going for you. I absolutely think you're fantastic and you're so hilarious and so talented. I totally miss our acting class together and us failing at life together. But you know that one thing's for certain - I think you have such a beautiful voice and such a sweet and delightful soul that I wish everyone could receive with open arms and make their own. Thank you so much for all of the laughs and smiles, and when we broke down together in Beautiful City, I don't think there was anything wrong with that moment in the slightest. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so proud of you, pero like mi bebe - te amo mucho.

Sean - You are absolutely a magnificent human being. I'm really honored to be working with you and to be learning so much from you, just by being in the same learning environment as you. You're such a sweetheart and I always adored the notion of working with you - from Misanthrope right up to here, it's been an awesome privilege. You are a fantastic performer and thank you so much for all your support and amicable personality, it makes me feel so much more at ease. Congratulations on the show and look forward to working with you again!

Angelica - I can't even begin. First off, congrats, I love you and you're so beautiful and amazing. And every time I say these words for everyone it's because I have so much love for each and every one of you, but it dulls not in the slightest. Your voice is remarkable and your hair is crazy good. I absolutely love you and you make me so happy. I'm so excited to work with you next semester - just another excuse for us to hang out all of the time and love and love and love. Thank you so much for being you. You're such a godsend.

Change It - [ Left to right ] Angelica Staikos, Chrissy Hartzell, Kailee Graham,
Emily Elliot, Danielle Pierce, Samantha Funk, Hannah Cohen, Milika Griffiths.

Lauren - Happy birthday and thank you for working on Human Heart! You've been part of the family since day one and I really loved spending time with you because I rarely got to see you anymore. I miss our acting class and wish we could definitely figure out our lives so we can hang out a bit more. Hope you have a fantastic birthday and congratulations on the show!

Jordan - I can't even. I love you so much. You're the funniest and even when rehearsals got dry and unbearable long before tech week hit us, you made it oh so very bearable. You took very good care of all of us, myself intensely included, and for that I thank you. You did a fantastic job and I can't wait to read your punny card. What else is there to say! I hope we get to work together. Other than that, keep on chasing your dreams: you're super talented and no matter where you go, you're always going to be loved. Thank you!

Cassie - CASSIE CASSIE CASSIE I'm so happy I got to be one of your cast members! Working with you on the show was so much fun. You are actually one of my favorite human beings and I'm so excited for the next time I get to actually hang out with you, mandated and obligatorily so. But, really, thank you so, so much. I'm so happy you were part of this as much as we were because it was definitely a journey I would not have rathered gone on it with than you and everyone else.

Brave - Sam Funk ft. Company.

Angelina - Why are you so talented? I am so happy and pleased and I just am a bundle of excite whenever I have to be graced with your existence. Thank you so much for all your support and all your hard work and you're just insane - INSANE. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And now we get to make music. Yes yes yes yes. CONGRATS ON THE SHOW AND FOR BEING PERFECT, YAAAAY!

Sheila - You are so adorable and I couldn't physically emanate happiness to convey to you how happy I am for the both of you. Thank you so much for all of your hard work and being such a fierce queen with that guitar. Work. Love you, homie g.

Wendy - WENDY! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. You've helped me so much you don't even understand. I can't begin to explain or even fathom how far I've come because of this experience. Congratulations on your engagement and I'm so honored I was part of the family that supported you in this big step in your life. I never told you, but the last performance was for you and Sheila, so I really hope you guys lived up there as much as we did. Thank you so much, and happy marriage!

Rebecca - Well, it would be unreal to say that thinking of what specifically to say would be easy and simple, and the obligation to commemorate you is nothing short of will and commending. Thank you for everything you have done. I have grown so much this semester, and I appreciate it so much, SO much you don't understand. You are brilliant and such an amazing director, I am so happy that I got to work with you on this project, that you confided so much trust and love in all of us, and from the deepest atriums of my heart and inlets of my soul, I thank you humbly and admire your professionalism. Thank you, Rebecca, for giving me an opportunity to do what I love and making the whole opportunity another reason why I love who I am, where I'm at, and all the people around me. This was truly inspiring and I would never think of trading this experience for anything in the world. Congratulations and thank you, again, for such a great experience.

Beautiful City - Jordan Giddens ft. Company.

The Human Heart.

:: Photographs taken by Diana Cooper.
<3 ~ Monty.
=]

y o u . CAN BE { k i n g : : . . again ;

I never would think that I would be so out of my element.

School has consumed most of my time, as you can see. Not a single entry since schooling's started. Granted, I've learned a lot this year than I have anywhere else in my life. Perhaps it may be attributed to the fact that I'm looking forth with the past in mind, rather than casting it aside. I've found out a lot through my instructors and peers, easily crediting my life lessons to everyone and anyone else.

However, I've found that I'm a bit more selfish this time around.

My education and friends always come first. All else falls to the wayside: the obstacles, setbacks and the sort need not exist. My plate is full yet I fill it with more, I see the storm clouds ahead and I'm always stroking headfirst into the oncoming currents: it's just a personal test of, not only endurance, but my character.

I've lost touch with my senses yet again. Rekindling them would be fantastic, however I've not a friend who clicked as well as one of my older friends had. Unfortunately, bridges crack and crumble from time to time. I simply have resolved, after eons of waiting and attempting to reassemble the bridge on my own, to find another way about living on. There's either another bridge to cross or there's a boat.

If all else fails, I'll dive in headfirst and swim right across the strongest currents I've ever experienced in my life.

With my progress in schooling, most of the selfishness stems from an individual journey I'm being put on. I shouldn't say "being put on," but I would not have started this journey, in this manner at the very least, if it weren't for my instructors. I'll elaborate another time once I've their consent and enough, substantial information to keep you engaged.

For now, the simplicity of checking in with one's self, Physical Awareness as I've learned it, has helped me tremendously. Rather than eliciting a particular emotion on command or manufacturing one from faceless origin, the outlets from which I can extract everything I need are beginning to reveal themselves to me. This is something I can truly appreciate.

You should adhere to your own, best judgement. There are an arrangement of individuals scattered about your life in the places they are for a reason. They are either stepping stones or cliffhangers: it is your stance in relationship to them that governs which are which.

Nevertheless, you should shoulder away any ill will and malice for what good you do may be returned to you in plenty.

I needed this year and its lessons as of yet. I'm making personal bounds and strides. I'm not going to sit here and list all the things I've noticed because they may not be applicable to you in the slightest, and you may not be able to learn, extract or even dissect anything I'm saying due to the lack of interest.

However, the biggest lesson I've learned this year - kin to Senior year of High School with self-identity and Freshman year of University with self-worth - is self-appreciation and -acceptance. Physical Awareness's goal is not to pinpoint what is good in your body or day or mind and focus all your energy within it, nor is it to designate what is bad and horrid and grotesque of your entire being as if they are in need of improvement.

Instead, it is to merely take that standing, good or bad, as a starting point and accepting it. Thereafter, working with it can only bring you in one direction. It's the same direction I've embedded into my personal mantras:

Up.

Up was also a very lovely Disney-Pixar motion.

You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound
There's so much more
You can reclaim your crown
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be king again

 - Lauren Aquilina . "King"

I've got more to say. Don't you worry your little heads. Until next time!

<3 ~ Monty.

=]

SETTING { fire . t o < o u r << INSIDES ;FORFUN ]

Photography by Jonathan Freinberg.
JFI.

Hi. My name’s Darin, I’m 19 and sometimes I like to make people appreciate Life a bit more by just making them smile. I mean it’s easy enough to smile, but then we get tired of smiling and then we find reasons for our misery that never outweigh the strength and potency of a smile, y’know? And even if it’s just a small one, it shows that we’re not broken and that we’re human, that we have people who make us care, who show us that there’s more to life than the monotonous daily routine or the eighteenth con on your list. I write sometimes and people tell me they appreciate my words, but it’s nothing they haven’t heard before.
Simply because I literally breathe the lessons in life I’ve learned from everyone else.

______________________________________________________

It's something I never noticed until I spoke with my pal Jonathan "Len" and it was mentioned: we live our lives in phases. Stages, where we crop our identities to the things that appease us. What interests us, what grabs our attention, what demands of us - friends, family, love and all else. The realization came from a simple conversation of music, genres and artists alike, but when I thought years back of how I associated myself, my character and behavior with my surroundings, I found something pretty impressive.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
             - Eleanor Roosevelt. (1884-1962)

I found this quote, stuck it to the image and threw it up on Instagram because I appreciated the effort and cooperation of my friends, Jonathan and Milika, who aided me in my first experience of headshots. I heard this quote back in middle school, but never thought anything of it: social studies and the history of the nation in which I resided never demanded my attention, so I did not associate with it.

"Youth" by Daughter is a very interesting decision for this entry, you might notice. It's a pretty heavy song, its lyrics branding crestfallen humans and applying to the audience in each verse. I used to herald "Who You Are" by Jessie J as "my song for the year." In my final round of high schooling, it was my go-to song for auditions and for developing my talent. It was a solid anchor to depend on, to cast out to sea and keep my boat steady in times of the tumultuous seas. In my first year of university, I found that it not only fit in my hands perfectly like water, but it also matched the palpitations of other beating hearts. Symphonies or skipping CDs alike, the message of the song soon grew into its place and proved to be more than an intelligent decision on Fate's part.

I'd found who I was and was on the right track.

However, as you may or may not have been able to tell, this year was a lot more... adverse to my expectations. I met a lot of people from whom I've learned many things; I've been through experiences I've convinced myself I would love to experience again while others I've vowed and promised myself to protect myself and others from, if necessary. As "Who You Are" found its place in my heart, its message grew into a dogma, though there was something more I discovered I needed.

Because, as per natural human order, the pursuit for happiness is always first and foremost.

I established an identity with the individuals who surrounded me like a halo, blessed and gracious for my existence. I was always thankful for each and every one of them, though I was never truly capable of expressing my gratitude, verbally, physically, emotionally or what have you. All I have to say of that, however, is that I plan on showing each and every one of you in due time. Thank you.

Songs ran through, of course, and I identified with whichever suited me at the time. Presently, however, at the conclusion of my first year of university as a whole, I've found that Macklemore's rise attributes to a knowledge that has also claimed paramount in my mind.

"Same Love" featuring Mary Lambert is reigning on the charts just like it is reigning in my very being.

[ The third verse is absolutely, hands-down my favorite, just for the record. ]

I've learned a lot of perspectives, I've learned a lot of opinions, facts - everything in between that's shared upon masses or in the transition of becoming common sense.

None of it surmounts the truth that a human being is a human being. Whether their choices in life are in good nature or ill-health, even of a personal judgment regardless of society's expectations - what have you - there are many more spiritual battles that need to be won for good.

And I don't necessarily mean spiritual battles that involve a deity or deities, but instead the ones that involve our character, understanding and functions as human beings.

Every morning, I caught a bus into an urban area to do an externship. I do not resent participating in the program in the slightest, for it was a very enriching experience. I heard stories I would have never otherwise experienced. I've seen characters and I've seen the very quintessence of a "good person," if not in their relationship with my supervisor then the way the interact with the individuals within the vicinity. Glimpses, if anything.

This morning, on my last day, I was waiting at a transfer point. As such, many buses come and go. One in particular stopped at its standard stop and many people milled from its doors. With buds in my ears, I usually glance at people and offer them minute graces of easy eyes and a nice grin. A man poked his head out the rear door and nodded at me, attempting to get my attention.

Me, being the silly individual I am, didn't quite understand what he was gesturing with.

He also had buds in his ears - a testament to the tacit nature of humans. In his hands was a cloth-like material, dark and pretty small, but when I followed his gaze, I realized that he was going to toss it to me and I had to chase down a lady who had forgotten it on the bus.

Team work of complete strangers. As he tossed it to me, he nodded, I caught it and hobbled after the lady at the corner of the street, half-filled water bottle swaying in my leg-pocket of my scrubs. It was a nice feeling, coming back to my perch, awaiting my bus, knowing that even such a small little gesture made such a big difference. I mean, sure, she could have had another shawl and that sweater could have warmed someone on the bus who went without, but if you left your phone, wallet or even an umbrella on a bus, wouldn't you appreciate it if someone ensured its safe delivery to you?

Maybe it's just me, I don't know.

I've been hearing a lot of crazy things, too. I don't keep up well with celebrities, news, politics or what have you. I never have time to. I've barely been able to sit down at my favorite place and do what I do best. There's evidence ( or lack thereof ) to back me up!

But a recent dinner with my best pals from high school got me thinking.

There is not a day in my life that I'd wish upon anyone what I've endured. However, I would willingly trade places with someone without question if their future was not as bright.

And then I'd do it all over again for the people I love.

Strangers are unfamiliar friends with similar stories. Sometimes our roads line up, sometimes our cars have really bad brakes and we have near-collisions. Sometimes we do collide. There are a lot of times when we have to depend on another friend or even a stranger to drive us to the nearest checkpoint: blowouts, when we run out of gas, our battery dies or just because our cars aren't made for the conditions in which we have to drive.

Just remember that "the lucky one" doesn't always have to exclude you or me.

The lucky ones who are still breathing might have corrupted lungs that make them heave sometimes.
The lucky ones who are still bleeding might have dead feelings that are gone.
The lucky ones who are in love might still be bitter over someone in their past or present.

I don't identify with this song, strongly, but I think I know a handful of people who really do. And the "youth" includes every single individual, despite physical condition, social age or mental maturity.

The youth of our spirits garner the ability to experience life all the same. However, whether we decide to continue "setting fire to our insides for fun" or start repairing ourselves is our choice, just like "you caused it."

I might see a different expectation of tomorrow to come, but for right now, I'm keeping my eyes on the road ahead of me. The reason a windshield is bigger than the rear-view mirror, I've been told, is because our attention is properly focused forth-ward.

Everything in the rear-view comes to catch up with us or veer upon another path in due time.

Do not concern yourself with the ghouls and silhouettes chasing after you, but instead live in your youth and... just live.

You'll thank yourself later.

- Welcome back -

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

&& from your [ L I P s ] s h e ~ drew the (( H . . .

Hallelujah x Leonard Cohen [ Covered by CJ Saquing ]

If I could write nearly as well as she could sing, I think the empowerment and mental vivacity I projected for this entry to contain would be, for all intents and purposes, absolutely amazing.

CJ is a friend of one of my friends. She's been nice enough to entertain me whenever I pester her, especially when she's super busy, and hold a very nice and enjoyable conversation. If you don't normally sit and watch whatever video I link you guys to, this is one that you should watch from beginning to end. Not only does she put so much effort into setting it up to be aesthetically appropriate, but the emotions she goes through with each word connect you to her in some way.

Not to mention the ending is absolutely phenomenal.

It's Friday, another day of the week, the last for those who work five days out of the week, the first for those who celebrate the weekend.

The first for those who were born recently. The last for those who will depart soon.

The missed for those who did not make it.

Whenever I find something unsatisfactory, something to complain about, I reach my reasonable conscience with a prompt.

What have I not that would absolutely inhibit me from functioning. I am physically capable of doing all the things I need to do; I am mentally capable of performing at the level I am expected to; I am emotionally stable so as to exist without any outside reinforcement; I am certain that I am pleased and honored to be myself and no one else.

I have.

There are have nots, but I have. For that, I am grateful.

For there are cities within a ten-to-fifteen-minute drive from my neighborhood where people sleep on the streets, where people struggle to provide for their own.

Even in these cities, the hope that everyone else has lost for them has also slipped from their own fingers.

Never once have I looked into a stranger's eyes and have seen tears. Never once have I felt that they needed something that I had. I never felt like I ever had anything to give, yet if there were anything I could ever offer, my words and thoughts would be the greatest gift I could give.

The world suffers its losses and celebrates its gains.

After every storm comes a rainbow across the horizon and within every ribcage should be a cardiovascular system.

In the heat, in the cold, in the rain, in the shine, you rose against gravity in consciousness, you fought for your right to breathe, you battled the demons in your mind for your own voice, you ceded to the necessities of human beings to be greater than you were the day before.

http://asmileforever.tumblr.com/post/55837962902

For those who have lost faith in humanity, never forget that the ones that get the limelight never represent the entirety of a society. There are generations that have passed that have not destroyed the earth and there are many more to come that will bring just as much chaos, bliss, peace, carnage, hatred and love to the world we know, all the same. Time will help things fluctuate, though wisdom will never change: it will simply pass to greater minds with larger capacities and spread farther across nations and seas to help the world change.

If not for Nobel Peace Prizes and actuality of equality, then for a sense of analysis and progress.

A taxi cab - how many people would surmise that the people doing their jobs every day like the other millions of citizens in a country would ever make a difference in your life? Furthermore, with such a small altercation: a simple conversation.

One day, I was walking and a woman said hello to me because I was deep in thought. I replied, of course, alleviating my inner thoughts of whatever burdens they brought to me countenance. At the bus stop, individuals would approach me in questioning of simple things: whether their bus had come, whether I knew which bus would take them which way or to where; whether I knew how to get to this place or that - out of the many other individuals at the bus stop. I also gave what answers I could.

This conversation was simply different. A parent who speaks of their children to complete strangers is one of two things. Both of those things include loving.

Loving of their self.

Loving of others.

The taxi cab driver and his wife engaged me in conversation after I dropped of a sandwich for my brother during our waypoint-venturing. I learned a lot from the woman and her perspective chimed remarkably similar to my mother's own. Not only is a generational understanding essentially crucial, but it does not vary vastly from whatever ethical and moral values you hold.

You can tell a kind soul when you see one.

These two in the front of the vehicle certainly were the kindest I've encountered in such a serendipitous occasion.

At the end of the cab ride and conversation, I shared with them my blog on a strip of paper. I hope they read along, because they most certainly have been tallied in my eternal log of people to learn from in order to become a better person.

"Complete strangers can become the closest of friends."

~ My Angie. <3 =]

The violence and hatred and injustice in the world will never be completely null: that's a practical point. However, if more peace, love and justice are forwarded and shared than the former, there is a great possibility that, at the forefront of our minds, avoiding eye contact with a complete stranger who could need the sudden grace from a compassionate smile wouldn't flee us instantaneously.

"It goes like this: the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift - the baffled king composed a hallelujah."

Sometimes I just wonder what it would look if all the things we knew - not thought or believed, but knew due to moral understandings and defined boundaries of justice - were wrong did not happen. If people did not steal, if people did not cheat, if people did not lie and do all the other imperfect things we do.

We'd be perfect.

Too perfect.

" I t ' s   a   c o l d    a n d    b r o k e n    h a l l e l u j a h . "

Essentially, there are so many things that happen that we can grieve over. We can throw fits and rampage for those who cannot. We can argue from our points of understanding and curse the fates for what they like to consider static and immovable. We can spend our seconds out of the day, our days out of the year - our years out of our lifetime - counting the stars that wink out in the night.

Or we can spend it all counting the stars left in the night sky.

I thank everything I can thank that I have a bed to sleep in at night and a family to wake up to in the morning. I give thanks for my ability to move my arms and legs and head and eyes and mouth. I am grateful for the voice I use to communicate and the mind I use to communicate with myself.

For those who have thoughts that bring them down, remember that while balloons do deflate, there is always air left in the atmosphere. You are not the balloon, so to speak, but the air. I suppose that the balloon can be a moment in time, a circumstance, a phase or even a day at a time. And sometimes they pop, or sometimes they're not even tied to begin with.

There's always an analogy to help you understand whatever rut you're in.

There's always another analogy to help you out of that same rut and maybe another one along the way.

And there's always a friend or two to make sure to guide you away from those ruts whenever you're too busy paying attention to your own feet beneath you to look at the path ahead.

Love yourself. Love others.

"Everybody Love Everybody."
[ ELE ]

 

. Hallelujah .

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

take (( our positions . as the << CAMERAS ROLL ;

"I want you to imagine that you're listening to some random song and you see a little picture on the right-hand side that looks pretty familiar. Say you click on it and what you see is something that will change your entire life. Imagine if you clicked on the video, and you realize that somebody posted a video of you and labeled it, 'The World's Ugliest Woman or Man.' Think for a second: how would you feel?"

- Lizzie Velasquez, TEDxYouth @ Austin, TX.

Tumblr.

 There's always diamonds in the rough.

"Au Cinema" by Lianne la Havas has been haunting my ears for nearly weeks at a time, and I think it's about time it's used in this entry.

I don't know if people of "higher publicity" even bother to read every single means of social networking forwarded at them, but I contacted Lizzie and made it a point to speak of her video, which I stumbled over, courtesy of Tumblr.

Not too long ago, I was having a rather important conversation with my mother. She inquired if I'd ever been bullied in my life. Truthfully, I've been fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who were stable enough themselves to not attribute to any negative behavior. I can't say that I'd wish it happened, nor do I truly count my blessings, but I take it as it is. Eventually, someone "badder and better" will come along and pose a challenge. I will merely "make my enemy my footstool," as my mother often recounts of a major staple in her ethics.

Lizzie here did the same thing.

If you didn't care to watch the video for whatever reason, it's okay. I had the same, initial reaction most people would. However, I tuned into her words after her hook and saw that she was even more of a genuine and nice person, a better motivational-ist than I. I listened to her story and watched her as she went through her range of emotions and levels of her story. I learned to respect her and found that I had an admiration for both she and her parents.

Good parenting is not about providing for your child but should also incorporate teaching your children lessons that will be able to uphold them and useful for the children to support their self.

Lizzie found the fork in the road: "I could either choose happiness or I could choose to give up."

She chose happiness.

My conversation also garnered another piece of advice, and that was not to share business with everyone. There are certain things that need to be censored and there are secrets in the world that need to be upheld as secrets. I'm learning what those things are, though I aim to maintain a level of honesty and relative understanding to whatever the circumstances may provide.

There are many things I don't know in my life. I don't know how some people can get up in the morning and do something they hate every waking moment of their lives. I don't understand how they can do it for the people they love and manage to straighten their backs, keeping their nose to the grind. I don't know how people get up so many times after being beaten into the dirt, after being torn limb from limb and leeched of all hope and resolve by the environment in which they thrive. I don't understand how the fire in them rekindles each time, with greater vigor - with greater drive.

I don't know how people can fabricate such hatred, such animosity towards something or someone they do not know. I cannot understand how a notion of bullying is feasible when everyone - everyone - understands the distinction between "morally just" and "morally unjust." No matter the moral or ethic system, there's also an innate, physical reaction garnered from the things we do when we interact with other people: some of it gives us pleasure and others give us discomfort. I suppose there could be a fault in judgement of that sensation, but after the age of six, an individual's capacity for ethical distinction is engaged (Shaw & Wainryb, 2006). The worst bullying happens after that point and has an indeterminable ending point.

There's a line between humor wherein you laugh together and humor wherein an individual is the object of entertainment.

It's simply asinine and shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is. There are so many commercials and advertisements to stop bullying, programs in elementary schools to advocate a positive space, though ignorance reigns in the nooks and crannies of blanketing efforts.

It's not a war that needs to be fought in our schools, it's a matter of filial coherence that needs to be nurtured and amended in homes.

 Lizzie also spoke of utilizing what people said about her, every hateful and disgusting remark on the YouTube video, as fuel to her fire. It was incentive to prove them wrong and she did what she knew how to do. She made it her best and dedicated everything she had to speaking, to writing and sharing her story, even to developing herself as a person.

When I went to find her contact information, I found many images of her with friends, with celebrities that complimented her greatly. It provided more detail and visual of what the video was too scenic to capture, and after hearing her story, I wasn't bothered in the slightest. I actually envied the people who got to take pictures with her because I wished to meet her in person and just talk, befriend her.

That's what I did with one of my friends who's practically a sister to me now, Nicole Pastore.

"The most beautiful diamonds come from the dirtiest lumps of coal."

I saw that written on a wall. It isn't verbatim, I don't think, but it's the closest to what I remember. And it applies here better than anywhere else, I believe.

I don't know if you'd want to watch it again, but it's definitely worth your time. If you want to share it with your friends, family, school, strangers, the works by all means. I believe strongly that Lizzie would love it if more people felt beautiful knowing that other people have been through so much that we could never comprehend, yet they still feel like one of the greatest people on the planet.

It's probably because they are.

Thank you, Lizzie.

<3 ~ Monty.

=]

o n e { DAY , you`ll know - WE'RE MEN OF ( s n o w ) ~

"Men of Snow"

- Ingrid Michaelson -

The sidewalk crackled and freckled with blemishes of its years in existence resembled her countenance. It wore scars of its endeavors, marks from those who wished to seal their existences in permanence on a square of cinder which had finally, many decades prior, cemented. Words were scribbled with a finger, one would suppose, and a peace sign by another anonymity.

She wore the same marks of existence. Hers were subcutaneous: sub-muscular, even.

She wore them on heart. She wore them on her soul.

The pace of the world did not frighten her. She went on her own, without an aide, without a guide, for a walk around the block. The days when she could climb, fevered, into a vehicle and rush off to a destination were long since gone. Her heart would race just as intensely when she was panicking then as it did when she had finished descending the stairs now.

A step at a time, she would make her way to the end of the street. Her mind wandered, her eyes looking over things she observed nearly every other day for this designated, afternoon walk. There, by the stop sign letting onto a larger road, her daughter first crossed the street holding her hand. On the other side of the street, which she walked on with grass surrounding the only isolated home on in the neighborhood, was where her daughter's daughter first rode her bicycle without training wheels.

This street was where she had her first fight with her first boyfriend. This street was where she came and moved back into when she had her first divorce. This street was the same street that she moved to when she had her second child. 

This street was where she would witness her descendants doing the same.

Her hair bathed in the sun. Her locks were cropped to her shoulders. She normally would wear a hat, but with peppered tresses, she had nothing to hide: the fistfuls of locks she once brushed regularly were now naturally curled and wiry. They brandished her innate, tacit wisdom gained over the years.

Around the corner where memories her daughter and granddaughter called to her gleefully she turned.

Down the shorter length of the block, adjacent to the entrance ramp onto a highway, she could see one of her neighbors taking a walk as well.

Her eyes, misty with weariness of eternal perspective, smiled brighter than the muscles in her face could match. There was life in her that sang, something that never would leave her.

He hobbled forth, his pace equally as inhibited. Arthritis panged his entire left side, where a myriad of other happenstances rocked his once-sturdy stature. Physique at peak, the man would dive from over twenty feet in the air to twist and contort his body, sliding into the vast pool beneath without so much as a splash.

His smile was crooked with the dentures that chattered in his jaws.

He removed his hat, a stylish, plaid beret that was tanned like his skin, and waved it surreptitiously. It wasn't until he gasped for another breath from the energy he exerted, slowing his pace to speak with the woman, that he realized that he promised her something the day before. He told her he'd give her her early birthday present.

She insisted that he needn't to give any gifts: her birthday wasn't for another six months.

They blubbered their knowings between one another, allaying and alleviating their minds from the topic.

With a break from their hug and a playful wink, he promised her it would be something she wouldn't forget.

Yet, here he was, without the gift.

She could very well see the sudden disappointment which etched over his face. She kept her spirits high, however: it was a nice day and seeing her dear friend would not put a damper on it in the slightest. In fact, he was much too early for her birthday.

They stopped before the massive house of their late friend. He gestured for her to start on the path to the steps first with chivalrous disposition. She graced him with a grateful hand on his shoulder, bringing him with her as always.

At the stoop, they turned around, and settled down, one after the other. They watched the cars whiz by: mothers tugging their litter around; teenagers swerving through lanes or onto the ramp; and a rarity of grown men without purpose carved into their eyes. There were a few kind souls who looked out the window to find the pair hunched over on their knees, just watching the grass grow with peaceful, content smiles on their faces.

This caused the drivers to look back to the road, an unspoken radiance soon festering their bodies with crackles of warmth.

A bird and its company chirped from a tree down the way by the corner the male had come from. She looked up, her eyes brightened by the sun. He looked over at her, and then to the tree where the birds were settled.

They then consequently focused on a massive cloud which danced its way lethargically across the sky. It was painted funny with brushes of clouds that were all different forms and lengths and sizes and intimacy. Each one stamped upon the cerulean of the ocean's reflection was another they would not recognize the day after.

The man rubbed his bald head with his free hand, cane resting between his legs.

A voice hollered from around the corner. It was young, familiar to them both. A smile graced the man's face before it had spread to the woman's. A six-year-old, with both hands carrying something bigger than his torso, sprinted across the grass, rather than taking the pavement like his grandfather had done. He rushed up, heart pumping and eyes scintillating, and presented the present on the side of his predecessor.

The tiny hands clung to the gift, as though it was his duty to guard it with his life. The man, larger and with a deeper voice merely laughed. They were there, seated on the stoop, and the little trooper came to the rescue. They were very much so different in their approaches to doing so, despite the similar trademarks in their countenances - which reinforced their kinship greatly. With a brief hug between the men - little and grown - the boy then deposited the gift in his grandfather's hands, while his bright, blue eyes inspected the woman alongside him. A shier glimpse of the boy presented itself for a moment.

The woman openly invited him to hug, which heralded the priceless smile any child can wholly give a family friend. In he rushed, knocking a bit of wind from the woman, who laughed with the occurrence. She made remarks of his growth since the last time she saw him - a few weeks ago - and admired the shirt he wore, which was his present, favorite superhero. In a feat of his dedication, the boy rushed back around the corner to his mother's calling, invisible cape flowing after him.

He called something to his grandfather, to which the man replied with a roar of laughter. The woman accompanied him, but clasped her hands together and held them over her knees. She admired the family and watched them grow like her own had.

The man turned to his long-time friend, with a wheezy chuckle, and offered it in his shaking hands.

His sleeves were sliding down to his wrists after the rush of controlled chaos that just bewildered them both. His shoes shimmered in the rays of sunshine at the glorious spring day.

After a bashful and impartial decline of the gift, and his insisting, the woman finally accepted it. He then insisted she open it immediately, before him at that moment, due to their inability to promise to see one another at the time it should be opened.

The box was bigger than her lap. Her skirt draped over her legs, grazing slightly against the pebble-stoned stairs they sat upon. Adjusting the box so that she could open it, with a tug and a blink, the lavender ribbon uncurled. The touches to the present were magnificent, and though it was vast in capacity, its weight did not strain nor exhaust her physical abilities. She set down the box before them both and peeled open the lid, as though it held the secrets of the world.

In it, was his grandfather's bowler's hat, her aunt's scarlet scarf, her father's pipe, three buttons from his worn army jacket, two synthetic branches from the community's holiday trees, and an artificial, wax carrot from the cornucopia. Beneath this heap of stuff she believed to be reminiscent of their youthful years, there was something something else: something she had glued into one of her photo albums.

From this, her misty eyes let beads of tears swell at the corners of her eyes.

And for the first time since she kissed her late husband good night, she laughed and cried at the same time.

http://polarbearstale.blogspot.com/2011/12/snowmen-now-melted.html

"SHORT"-STYLED ENTRY INSPIRED BY A PROJECT A COUPLE OF AMAZING FELLOWS ARE WORKING ON. FIND IT HERE: [ JESS'S TUMBLR ] FOLLOW HER AS WELL.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

{ [ # a world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are .

"I don't know."

One of my friend's favorite songs by Macklemore, "Same Love," tells a story a lot of people are tuning into. Thanks to Jelani for being such an awesome individual and helping me grow as an individual both in confidence and charisma within the duration, less than a year, I've known you. Fun fact: I would surmise that it's an artist's obligation to incorporate a reflection of society - distorted, vivid, impartial or completely deflective - into their trade.

It's society that shapes our environments, our environments that shape us, and, ultimately, it is us who shape society. There's always some sort of cyclical fashion that we get lost in. Fortunately, there are currents and guides along the way to send us to the top of the tornado, at the highest above all the turmoil where we can see the ends of the earth, where we can see everything beneath our feet in its smallest exactness.

There are currents and guides along the way to pull us up from spiraling into the darkness of whatever abyss you may be trying your best to surface from.

Words are colorful. As some sort of writer, I should be more familiar with this, though I just think of writing as writing: I've been doing it for a while, so it's grown nothing more than another facet of my life I'd love to continue as often as I can. Writing anything and everything is obviously not my only trade nor am I alone in the interest. There are more people on this earth than I will ever meet in my life, surely, and there are even more things that connect each and every one of us, somehow: our interests, our favorite musicians, colors, meals and cultures, our physical attributes - the works.

Somehow, some way, there's always an underlining message in every song I've heard. While it may be superficial to half the world, the other half may get all the messages on so much as a conveyer belt of lyrics, each meaning, each connotation of every word panning before their very eyes. Of course, I've always gravitated towards music that sounds good to me. "Good" is merely subjective, because there's been an objective "goodness" that everyone has always disputed. Henceforth, people made their own definitions.


Eventually, there will be no set denotation for "good," but the connotation will be more... uniform, I suppose.

My definition incorporates a tier of the human-ethics concept of being born, innately "good." People argue back and forth over it, and there are always philosophers to reference - like Immaneul Kant [ one of my personal favorites ] - who think they know the best and the most over everyone else in the world. I suppose a bit of superiority garners credibility with a track record of being right more often than not. Just generally stating that seems to be the case with the human ego; I don't really have any prime examples. Not that it would matter much to this entry's purpose.

I wanted to share this song, for some reason. I put it on when I got home because a friend, who I got the chance to cross paths with thanks to a Rachel Miller cover contest way back when, asked me a favor. It had to do with this song.

"...of songs that REALLY hit home, and that's one."

- Jesse Magill

I think it's unnatural. To be able to write something so beautiful, with such frankness that grips the listener and stirs up some sort of reaction. It is natural, however, for whatever reaction is produced to vary on a grand spectrum in relation to other people: I might like this song more than another individual, but my friend Jelani probably loves this song so much more than I do. It's the way we work, I suppose.

Macklemore's lyrics are enjoyable, relate-able in a sense. I mean, his other songs are obviously to enjoy to make his own music, because "Same Love" does not have the same message as "Thrift Shop" or "Like the Ceiling Can't Hold Us," if you're familiar with his hits coming out. But the capacity to write with such depth, or even graze the surface of a matter in so many places, shows his musical vastness. Of course, there are people who would much rather another artist to Macklemore, but this isn't meant to serve as a popularity, public service announcement.

Instead, it is to serve as a vessel, as I aim to do with all of my entries. Well, most of my entries, I believe.

There are some lines you'll always go back to and think about in a song. It may be the chorus, it might be the line with words you're uncomfortable with, it might not even be until the end of the song, if it's any different. Whatever the case, a song's written from someone's mind, and what's really cool about that, to me at least, is that these are all words we know and may use every day, but it just takes a bit of rearranging and a light of consciousness to direct it. And there are always songs that tackle social issues, songs that cocoon the festering and blossoming and brooding experiences of love, or songs that reach out to similarly searching souls, lost in the overwhelming experience of life.

The one line from this that gave me goosebumps when I heard it, when I actually heard it in the song instead of just listening to the song and the voices, is the same line that it is the title of this entry.

The third verse:

"We press play, don't press pause
Progress, march on
With the veil over our eyes
We turn our back on the cause
Till the day that my uncles can be united by law
When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are
And a certificate on paper isn't gonna solve it all
But it's a damn good place to start
No law is gonna change us
We have to change us
Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up"

This is something we all know of, no matter how sheltered, ignorant you'd like to be, or well-versed with the existence of it is, but suicide claims too many lives. I have yet to meet an individual who has claimed their life null, void, and worthless yet enough to end it. That I am partially grateful for, however, I'd trade everything I have in the world to save someone; not for the sensation of selflessness, nor to brandish any boasting moments to the entire world.

I've always, thoroughly believed that a person's life is much more important than they could ever imagine.

I've had my moments of self-discovery, including turbulence and just as much relative stress as the next individual. It was never in my nature to pursue that ends to the means, especially when I have so many things to take care of, so many people to take care of, so many people to remind that they are loved. It was never in my mind to guide any individual out of the cycle and send them out into the nothingness that is uncontrolled, chaotic, and with all abandon.

It does well to break loose from the regiment, from control and have an epiphany of inner power that helps regulate one's life, though there are so many things that are bigger than us. There was a quote floating around:

"Suicide is the only thing
you can control in your life.
And that's why it's considered a sin.
Because you're beating God
at his own game".
         -S.H

It's not the only thing one can control in their life. There's never just one thing a human being, with such an intricate internal composition and a mind that houses a soul, with such varied capabilities and is riddled with a subjective, unique history that segments their lives in possibilities that are just as unfathomable as the depths of the ocean, can control in his or her life. Words are normally filtered through a conscience; actions are usually contemplated without impulses; happiness is usually enriched or diminished by the environments in which an individual hosts his or her self.

And Life was never meant to be a game for us or whatever higher power instilled us onto the land, into these concoctions of muscle, bone, flesh, and fluids. It's the best we can understand it as, because we'd so much rather "have a conversation about Pokemon than of something serious," as my friend Calin once berated me for. But what amazes me even more is that we have the capacity to dream up lands and worlds and existences that are beyond our wildest dreams. While we may be on the track for the future, there's always some kind of repercussions if we don't follow up and make everything the best we can make it for the time being: if everyone half-asses everything, without any determination or everyone else's best interests in mind, the structure will not support its upper tiers.

It will collapse, just because Gravity exists longer than we do.

The reality we rarely coincide with is daunting. The world is rough, the world is crude and callous. It's cold and unearthly, leaving us with scars littered around our open chests and with a gaping space where our conscience once resided. There are a select few, leaders and followers of their generations all the same, who are not in peak shape to exist, but merely exist. They share laughs, they share cries, they share words of wisdom, and they share an arm or two, whatever they can give for those who need it.

They share the love they think they, themselves, deserve.

This entry reminds me of my friend Nicole Pastore and her organization, You Are Loved. For regular readers, you're probably more than familiar with it all. For people who've rarely looked at these and stomached a resolve to sit through them all, song looping and all, feel free to inspect it. You can find it linked in the image of the book at the top  of this entry, or even on the Facebook page. A shameless plug, I suppose you can consider this.

The song does not touch just one thing. It does not only talk of homosexuality or only of religion or only of Macklemore's accounts, whether they are fictional or non-fictional. It is borderline impressive into wondrously bewildering how someone can write and say things so clearly, so bluntly with a grace and amble air about his words. Rhythms and pitches in the voice, fluctuations in emphasis and emotion accompanying it all, the song just leaves whoever is the audience member with their own reaction.

It's unfortunate to see that, with as many people are in this world, the number of individuals who dislike this video is so high - not in comparison, but accumulative in its own right. Music isn't always about who can make the best song for the summer, or who can repeat the chorus the most and make it the catchiest. And by no means am I intending to protect Macklemore and his work, because he's an artist as are the rest of them. It's just impressive because, from my perspective, these lines paint an image that no other individual would be able to replicate.

It's of the world with the sun at a different angle: an image that you would never be able to capture the same exact way, no matter what.

"Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is patient
Love is kind

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is patient
Love is kind"

 

<3 ~ Monty.

=]