but there`s nothing more { to it . I JUST GET - [through(it) ~

"In This I Stand"

I could stand
I can see
I could swear
I should be
The world's great thing
A thing without acclaim
Fortune
Fame
Resound with my name
But the things I've seen
Where I've been
And who I've met
Lead me not to a place
Of understanding
Or misconception
But along this path I've set
I've been set
On
For great heights
For low depths
For simple duties
And remarkable abilities
I can stand
I could see
Blindsided by honesty
Accompanied by sympathy
Without empathy
But sharing the upheaval of
Inequality
Injustice
Inhibitions
Insecurities
Internals
Insufficiencies
Insufferables
Institutions without ideals and results that
Please the public
But my methods battle
Without sword in hand
Or shield at side
Instead with
Partial obedience
And righteous doling
Coated in good
Gilded in genuine
Goodness
With a core of
Quintessential
Happiness.
I sent my love
And I found it on the doorstep
As a doorstop
But to the entirety of the household I permitted in
In came thieves
In came strays
In came strangers
In came dangers
Though the house still stood
Its innards rackled and ransacked
The house alone knew its purpose
And my love left the door propped open to those who needed to come
To those who needed shelter from the reign of tumultuous weather
From the roar of battle cries
From the skies
Filled with acid pride
Rain to shower the land and its people
So in this rain of battling voices
And outside this fortress of security
I should stand
I will see
That it has always been greater than one plus two
Equals three
It has always been greater than
Just you
Or just me.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

the [ FACES ] you see on the way up . . . . . . . . . you`ll always on the { way { back { D O W N . (( my friend ;

Ben Howard - "Further Away"

Everything about this video excites me. Such talent, an impressive feat to see someone embody such... passion, such wholesome greatness - the song is powerful without needing anything extraordinary, and his guitar skills are remarkable. A live performance like this is something I've always imagined doing, and it just helps me refocus.

It's been on repeat for three days.
And in between my learning songs for my friends.

This Friday, I didn't think I'd be able to sit at my computer and hammer out a post. It's the second Camp Camp for an acapella group I'm in [ shout out to `Til Further Notes - you all are awesome people ]. I'm not as used to the constant flow of people, though they're all gathered around, playing board games and gathering as a community - bonding.

It's something I admire. People, obviously, have their ups and downs, and while they may not always click as we'd hope they would. People come and go, friendships start or end, impressions last longer than the words they involve, but it doesn't take anything more than the simplicity of truth and honesty for a strong relationship to build.

I've recently been in touch with friends - new and old - who have aided me in a "recovery" of sorts. Right next to me is great friend, Mary Mechalakos, and she's teaching herself how to disc jockey on the iPad her brother gave her. I know for a fact that if she didn't want to, if she wasn't interested after her friend showed her how to do it, she would not be interested.

A simple reminder that if it's worth doing - if it's important to us, then why not, right?

The recovery pursues a swiveling of insight and understanding on my part. I'm well aware, well conscientious of what goes around me. While I'd love to claim that my mind and body were in tune, on the same track, I can't whole-heartedly admit that. Thankfully, deep talks with some of my close friends and a bit of a discovery spurned by the discovery of another has led me to reexamine my surroundings, my immediate company, and my aspirations in life.

The approach is much more crucial than the outcome. It defines your character and what attributes your person has learned to rehearse.

"Do what you have to do," my mother always tells me. She retains a bit of frustration and resentment in her statements, but that's because she understands that will and motivation, though they differ slightly, rest on one another to coexist and spiral further into the air. The air is free, liberated of the realities of the ground, and while there is the factor of gravity to always pull airborne objects to the earth, the notion of building from the ground, higher and higher, has the same concept as relying on one another to stay airborne.

And if you need to ever come back down to earth, scaling the structure should be as easy, as simple as descending it.

I've got my goals set. I've always had my goals set.

Now I've got my reminders to "be and let be", to enjoy Life and its according graces, whether I perceive them as curses or blessings, and cherish what I have and those around me who have more, less, or the same.

It is not my place to condemn nor is it to falsify one's character, but to manage my own and coexist as best I can with all beings, all other bodies and souls I encounter. To love and be happy with everything in my life, everything that has come and everything that will go.

Sometimes there's a fight required in order to obtain what is really, truly worth it, and the fight leaves you exhausted, on your knees, captivated and overwhelmed...

But it's your fight and no one else's.

And you are always meant to come out as the victor.

Just keep your chin up and keep your guard ready. No matter how tired your arms get, your legs will keep them up if your mind is in it to win.

If you're not in it to win, you were not to be here in the first place.

And you've been given so many opportunities.

"Every time a door closes, a window opens."

And a bird sings of happiness.

"How you've been growin' further away from us,
How you've been growin' further away from us now."

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

[ i ] . . . c o u l d ; s e e - for { miles * miles & M - M I L E S

Bon Iver - "Holocene"

I don't want to be weak.

I don't want to be strong.

I just want to be me.

Today, everything's either with you or against you. The happy medium's only in our head, it seems, that middle ground where everyone coexists is almost always an idea to contemplate with frays of efforts sprinkled about the earth. As if our efforts to remind each other that we're not all that bad - that there's some good left in us somewhere - sticks out like a sore thumb.

Yet we always hear of the danger and carnage of the world via the news. Some people believe it as conspiracy, others merely pay all attention to it and heed their lifestyles with caution.

I just want to be me.

This video, you guys are probably curious of. I never actually watched one of Tyler Oakley's videos, nor any of the twins, but they're apparent, famous YouTubers. Anyway, the video's of gay vernacular and what have you. Interesting stuff.

I never expected to stumble over this topic, but I don't see why not.

Special shout out to Erikka-Jay Johns, who provided the video and requested the blog topic.

I thought it was pretty humorous. The twins seem like great guys, really entertaining, and I might check into some of their other stuff. Most of my online outlets feed through Tyler's stuff, and while I have not formed an opinion, I've formed an impression of him from my "outlets" and their commentaries. Always entertaining, though.

I think it's good. The video, the content: it's relatively educational, focused to an age group who's in similarity with the very broadcasters themselves. They're talking freely and openly, all three of them with light-hearted atmosphere and substantial pride. It just goes to show how some boundaries and tension - how the resistance of the world and its inhabitants can easily be broken down.

Kudos to them.

It just makes me think. Just about everything does, at least. Haha. But this, in particular, opens my eyes even further.

It goes to show how open the world is about it. Granted, I was relatively sheltered from all the "wrong" or what you might call it when I was younger, I still am more or less, but now it's more common for someone to say something of their sexual orientation or even wear attire that'll insinuate such impressions.

Two things about this.

One. One day, I was scrolling through my News Feed, and I saw that my cousin had posted a status. There was no particular reason it stuck other than my impression of ignorance. I don't know her exact reason for posting it, nor did I inquire of it, but she shared her opinion openly for everyone to see. It went something along the lines of: "Today, everybody's gay. He's gay, she's gay, I'm gay!" As ridiculous as it sounds, it just seems unnecessary to me. The worst we use always retain their connotations of bad histories more so than their actual denotation.

gay

[gey] adjective,

1. homosexual.

2.of, indicating, or supporting  homosexual interests or issues: a gay organization.

3.having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music. Synonyms: cheerful, gleeful, happy, glad, cheery, lighthearted, joyous, joyful, jovial; sunny, lively, vivacious, sparkling; chipper, playful, jaunty, sprightly, blithe. Antonyms: serious, grave, solemn, joyless; staid, sedate; unhappy, morose, grim; sad, depressed, melancholy.

4. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments. Synonyms: colorful, brilliant, vivid, intense, lustrous; glittering, theatrical, flamboyant. Antonyms: dull, drab, somber, lackluster; conservative.

5. Slang: Often Disparaging and Offensive. awkward, stupid, or bad; lame: This game is really gay.

It shouldn't be, but it was surprising. It makes sense, seeing as how the greatest application and acceptance of the word "gay" is to apply to the persons attracted to someone of the same sex; but I was expecting the dictionary site to have its original denotation as the first. Simply goes to show how powerful words can be. And, naturally, the verbal application of the word in all senses is incorporated, so the fifth definition lists it as "disparaging and offensive," which everyone should know but most choose to ignore.

Let's look up "straight."

straight

[streyt] adverb, noun, adjective

1. without a bend, angle, or curve; not curved; direct: a straight path.

2. exactly vertical or horizontal; in a perfectly vertical or horizontal plane: a straight table.

3. (of a line) generated by a point moving at a constant velocity with respect to another point.

4. evenly or uprightly formed or set: straight shoulders.

5. without circumlocution; frank; candid: straight speaking.

Weird. Or maybe it isn't that weird. But with "gay"'s definition altered, I would have probably surmised that there would be some amendment for heterosexuals as well. Whatever the case, it's not that concerning.

Two. On Tumblr, there was this post about clothing - articles of cloth that we drape over ourselves to hide our communal shame and shield us from the conditions of the earth in which we live. They were meant to add variety to our lives after a while and ultimately defined us.

Strands of yarn and cotton and matted material became us in our places.

You Won't Live This One Down - Tumblr 

There will always be people who like other people. Even if they're someone like them, someone different, or someone who's neither like them or different, there will be an attraction of some sort. And you can't curb the human instinct in any degree. That's like curbing the heart to beat on command, or the want to survive to switch on demand.

It just isn't natural.

Loving the same sex isn't natural?

Neither is killing unjustly. Or stealing unnecessarily. Or lying profusely.

But every human's done this at least once.

An insect. A treat. A white lie.

Love is natural, no matter what it's applied to.

The languages we speak hold power. I know so many of my friends who are able to speak multiple languages fluently. The most is one of my pals across the states who can count on both hands. "Pats for Patrick" indeed. But it's more of how we use our tongues rather than what's available for them.

Not once have I heard my brother utter word of any sexual orientation regard in ill form. He is ten, and though naive and protected, he represents the quintessence of man. To its very core, it is good.

To its very core, it is good.

I don't know what you wanted me to say about this, Eri, but thank you for sharing it. I feel as though perspectives of it will differ greatly, but its truth won't sway.

Unbiased, entertaining and wholesome goodness. To share with the people of the world one world that's become a culture with another.

To bridge the gap of misunderstanding with sturdy planks of knowledge and great support beams of admittance.

And, believe it or not, you know a gay person and a straight person.

Fascinating, indeed.

Personally, I see the point of labeling one's self. It makes it easier to understand one another and find a matching color. But I believe that the mere essence of holding love inside yourself and leaving it raw and unstructured to fit whoever it chooses properly - opposite or same - is much more important than trying to preserve our one-tracked mind and our promises from ages and eons before.

There are always going to be "straight" people and there are always going to be "gay" people. Those are the two extremes that are extremely flexible so as to cover a whole spectrum between.

And then there are people alongside me who just don't bother to set upon the spectrum in one, fixed point.

I much rather would spend my whole life loving everyone I come across in the way my love shapes for them.

Best part?

For me, it never runs out.

It just changes and forms a special bond with each and every person.

And that I am grateful for.

"Love yourself."

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

[ maybe i know better than `` to read . . . what's { t h e r e : }

"Heavy Feet" by Local Natives

Who pitched assumptions or predicted outcomes for the future?

Who convinced everyone that time was not as malleable as each breath we intake?

2 0 1 3 .

Year two-thousand and thirteen since our traditional society reoriented itself and its calendar.

There are some technicalities from sources I do not presently have but can vouch for [ as it makes total sense ] that, with all the leap years and Daylights Savings Time adjustments and whatnot, we've passed our calendar date.

2013 has come and gone.

In our minds and in reality.

Woah.

This song. I haven't looked at the lyrics once, I haven't listened to it wholeheartedly, but everything about it meshes so well. It's been rekindled, my flame.

  

I hold it in two hands. Before it was dwindling. A small tear, barely capable of fighting for the open oxygen all about it. What was worse was that I had my hands cupped about it, shutting off even more air to feed it. It held a slight sliver of light, just about ready to collapse in on itself, but there was something in the dark that kept it going.

Something that was unseen.

A hand came to open my hands. It did not come prying, it did not try to squeeze its way in.

It offered a palm and granted assurance, comfort knowing that the flame would be kept safe.

My hands are now cupped beneath a fire which waves joyously, righteously. I can see myself in the billowing of the bright, lively flames, and it glows with warmth, not searing of danger.

This new year's start felt like another day to my mother. It felt like another day to my brother.

It felt like a week backwards to my sisters, and probably a day upside-down for my father.

It wasn't anything but a moment for my nephew and was merely non-existent for my cousins and aunts.

To me, it was a new beginning.

"And in a place where oil always takes precedence over life, I find myself sitting on a bus, watching a little boy trickling down from the sky like fresh water, carrying a book I used to - asking if I want to see what he sees if only for a little while, and I do. And then asks if I want to give to him what I see if only for a little while, and I read to him.

And then he says to me that he's going to show me the world."

Anis Mogjani, "For Those Who Can Still Ride in Airplanes"

The hand touches my fingertips and leans forth, feeding the bowl of fire in my hands with something I cannot feel nor see, but can make total sense of.

"This one is for the heart of men who want to love, but know that it won't come. For the ones who are forgotten; for the ones who the amendments do not stand up for; for the ones who are told, 'Speak only when you are spoken to.'

And then are never spoken to.

Speak, every time you stand so you do not forget yourself. Do not let one moment go by, that doesn't remind you that your heart, it beats 900 times every single day, and there are enough gallons of blood to make everyone of you oceans.

Do not settle for letting the waves settle.

And for the dust to settle in your veins."

Anis Mojgani, "Shake the Dust"

My hands grow heavier for a moment, and the flames build, but everything returns to as it once did. The hand gains an opposite from a place unseen and they both rest underneath my own.

To support this growing flame that has been so little for so long. As if it already knew that I would need the stability in order to, ultimately, hold it on my own - and above my head.

Simplicity makes everything fathomable for everyone else.

A mind too cluttered to unravel its turmoils needs a simple look and a simple unknotting.

2013 Jar 

And in the brightness of the flames, I can see.

"I Remember"

The time

When everything I saw was the same,

I remember.

The sight of a cloth in one hand and wooden pail in the other -

Stained with its use of retaining water,

Stained with its use of absolving shame,

The pail was weighted by its pure passenger.

The cloth held a tacit governing,

Judging and begrudging to its existence.

Patches would not solve,

But nothing else would solve

The dilemma they presented.

A sign.

"No Shoes.
No Socks.
No Service."

What they failed to include,

Was one criteria that settled better than anything else:

"No Specialties."

The sock was lonesome,

Dinged and dimmed of its glamour and suit,

Yet holier than space and time.

On the rag tired hands wrung,

Tainting the pure passenger brown,

And leaving nothing innocent behind.

The world would whisper what was,

And what would be,

But it never looked to see,

The things unseen.

As the hand rose from the bucket,

The water that clung fell to the mandates of gravity,

And lost their hope of escaping the murk,

Only to crash back down.
"The worlds to explore,"
They said,
"Were merely at the next door."
"No Shoes.
No Socks."
The sock had dried and slipped onto the slim leg,
A fastened shoe quick to follow.
"No Service.
No Specialties."
And they merely stood at the entrance,
To be deferred by another sign.
I remember the time I saw things unseen.

<3 ~ Monty.

=]