- - - L I G H T S . . will guide you { < home . && *ignite your b-o-n-e-s ; && I WILL ( try to . ) `` fix you ``

And so another year passes us by, the new one right around the corner.

So many things have happened, and whether you remember them or not, they all happened for a reason. They've led you down paths that you may or may have expected to follow, but they've brought something better than you were aware of being possible. It's been a rough year, and with all your hardships and struggles, you've grown stronger. To fight them, to conquer them, to wear them as a badge, to even carry them on your shoulders and climb up another. Fatigue did not know your face and defeat could not call you by your name.

No matter what you think, you believed in something. Fulfillment of that belief, conviction of the objective, was to resolve yourself to it, and that is what you did. It's always about the thought that counts, but it's even more about the effort put into it that it all is chalked up to.

We've our range of emotion, our outlets and inlets. We've experienced losses and gains, some less enjoyable than others while some were simply outright outrageous. But, life is life - and life is good. A positive outlook can change anything to everything, and with a token as visible as a smile and a symbol as important as the heart, life can be better and better every day.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure." Well, to those who do not appreciate what they have, it is unfortunate that, elsewhere, a person holds that object and that person in the highest regard. It's important to not dwell on the past so much that it hinders the present, but, in hindsight, things were a lot better. Now that we've realized that, anyhow. Or, if not, then they were simply not good enough.

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed."

A truth. We search for a truth. We look in all of the possible areas, and find that it was dangling before our faces. How is this so? Truth is, it was never in front of us to begin with. It may have been before us, but never directly in front of us. Eventually, in all the twists and turns, we managed to configure ourselves so that we were looking right at it. Near the point of exhaustion, we stumble backwards, hoping to fall into defeat, only to find that - gravity being the only thing holding you down - it's always been bigger than just you. It's been larger from you, from the start.

And, with your head looking up, you see it.

T h e  S k y .

The day was good. The day treated me. The day was better than any of the days before. I've been following my "12 Days After Christmas" regiment. We've stumbled along to reflection / dedication. I'm near the point of maturing, if I had not reached it already. Physically, mentally, and socially in such a manner that it's stapled who I've become together, welt it tight, and bolted it secure: I am made to be me, not to be broken. 

Repeat that to yourself.

Do it again. And again.

Believe it yet?

I woke up in a daze. I had a dream, but I'm not entirely sure, still, if it was only a dream. My mother called from downstairs. She told me that, when I wake up, I should make breakfast for my younger brother and I. Incidentally, I grunted and fell back asleep. Alright, so it wasn't as happenstance as I make it sound, but it happened, and... Yeah. Anywho, I went right back to sleep. But, then, when I woke again, she was telling me to go get my brother. And I struggled to wake. I felt as though I had replied to her and everything, declaring that I'd be down in a bit, but I don't think I stirred in the slightest. It could have been a little while later, but I woke up three hours after she had originally told me to make breakfast [ no concerns, my younger brother had ordered pizza and it would arrive about ten minutes after I woke ] and found that the house was silent. I was in my room, disoriented, and unsure. The television downstairs was not producing any sound that carried up to my room, so I presumed it was off. I got concerned at first, but simply dismissed it as I straightened up  in my bed, with my computer. My brother would gravitate upstairs soon enough.

And, for certain, he did. Forked over the money to me as I was rolling about on my Gaia Grind [ writing and whatnot ]. I had an agenda set out for me, courtesy of my mother. And, as of recent, I've been inclined to oblige as she would request. [ Key word: "request", but that's beside the point... not really... But.. yeah. ]

What did I do that makes my day, today, so important you ask?

Well, as soon as I put in my headphones, I found that I had this on repeat.

" F i x . Y o u . "

A good friend of mine, Dan Berberi showed me that video. After moving to the other side of the country two years after I had known him, he settled with his quasi-nomadic family on the West Coast. As chance has it, he would go to school and make friends with those particular individuals in the video. All of them. The video is great, and I'd recommend it as a great watch to anyone. Especially because of the music.

The song is "Fix You" by Coldplay, and I didn't listen to anything else for the next two days. And, as I have it on repeat now, I find it's even better than when I had watched it the first time. The singer, as noted in the video's description, is CJ Saquing. Her voice is amazing, right? Well, I've the honor of getting to know her, more or less. And, truth be told, it's something I adore very much. Her voice is captivating. I've showed it to a myriad of individuals, and they've all said the same thing.

"Wow. Amazing!"

{ ~ Or something along those lines.

So, yeah. That's that. If you like her and her voice, you can check out her awesome youtube channel [ CEEJOFFICIAL ], and - don't worry - I won't think any less of you for going to hers and not mine [ H a l c y o n . ] [ A little advertising never hurt anyone. Haha. ]

And, while we're at it, I'd like to acknowledge that, because of her Tumblr, I've decided to make my own [ see, I'm pulling up all the links ]. And, truth be told, it's an amazing thing. I can inject my compassion and what have you into the world with a hint of anonymity. The delightful things that roll about [ or should I say "tumbl"? : D Anyone, anyone? ] that site just make me smile. And, hopefully, what you see all over the place will make you too.

So, the rest of my day was rather peaceful. I observed most of the ornaments on our Christmas Tree, which I dismantled with my younger brother. It then hit me that it would be the last Christmas I'd likely consider being part of my childhood, attributing to the collection of me maturing. And, after that, I walked my dog, Franklin [ I named him after the turtle from the self-titled show, way back when. Haha. ] with my younger brother, and it also hit me then when I was walking back home on my street. I looked at the houses, down the uneven sidewalks, and at the street. Everything seemed smaller. And, what's even stranger, was that I smiled at this. I was happy I was able to have such good memories, such a great childhood, in such a fantastic place.

Never before had I admitted this, but I resolved it would pop up today. And that's where my reflection went.

The rest of the day was me singing along to the cover as I washed the dishes and ate pizza and wrote chapters for unfinished and static novels [ or attempted to, but would get distracted - noteworthily by a fellow blogger, check out her's - filled with fun of all sorts: Goldfish Lovin' ]. And, now we're here. =] At "Blogtime."

Now, I don't think I have anything else to say. But, I'd like to make mention to my prior entry about the New Year. Focus on what's important. Not getting something materialistic, not attaining a status or reigning in new pals, but finding a truth that will make you a better person. With that "enhancement", you'll be able to make everything else fall in place. 

Trust me - you'd much rather let it all come to you than spend your precious time chasing after it.

If you've read this whole thing, then kudos and blessings. If not, then the same thing. Not everyone can read in one sitting and digest the same thing. And it takes a skilled bunch to be able to comprehend along the way. Fortunately, I'm well aware that you all have it in you. I believe that you all have it in you.

I believe that you have it in you to do whatever you think you can't. It's a matter of dedication [ see? the other just slipped right in there! ] and perseverance and pursuit and determination. Never quit. If you can't do it, take a step back and try again or from another angle. If it wasn't an obstacle in your path, why else would it be there?

Hope you all have safe and enjoyable celebrations.

<3 ~ Monty.

=]

- with all things S A I D . . . { you turn to R E D !

Hmm. I don't think I have much to say today. The season is doing it all for me, I suppose. Hahah. Nevertheless, a Tuesday swings on by, and I'm in a position where I am able to type, and so a delivery shall be secured.

I read a peculiar thing the other day [ yesterday, if I'm not mistaken ], but I thought I should share with you what I'm listening to first. The Ting Tings is always an enjoyable music choice, and their music is bubbly and lively - it makes me bounce inside. Of course, me visibly bouncing in a seat to The Ting Tings is even stranger than I could envision it, but that's besides the point.

So, I was writing as per usual, and I read that someone asked a question of the holidays. It went something like this:

"Christmas Day is so special, but what are the days after Christmas called?"

I found it very interesting, to say the least. Because, of course, this was way after I had resolved to dedicate the twelve days of Christmas and afterward to my little list. What day are we on, do you recall?

That's right! Today was day three! From either end, "Honesty" and "Compassion" were the focuses. If you decided to do both, or just so happened to stumble into that lovely gray area, it's more than encouraged! But, in actuality, when I read this, I wasn't entirely thinking about my Twelve Days of Christmas Come-and-Go, but what a title for the week leading into the new year would be called.

I settled on something like this:

Reminiscing and Renovation.

 Sounds pretty cool, right? Well, the concept is like what we normally do around New Year's - we think about the year, how it's passed us by, how we [ as usual ] have caved with our resolution for the year. However, instead of setting a new resolution, it's more of getting rid of the concept altogether, putting New Year's wishes out of business. Haha.

Instead of dedicating your focus to figuring out what you're going to do differently this year, the intent is to focus on all the things you've done this year and use them to your advantage in improving yourself. You don't need to focus on one thing, you don't need to dedicate any time to actually sitting down and setting goals for yourself.

This span of six or so days is spent for inner contemplation. Pick a day out of the six and meditate, even. If you don't know how, you can learn! It's simple, I'll say, but maintaining focus is a great dilemma we all suffer against. Regardless, if we actually care to benefit from most things, we've got to at least give it a go and make the best of it, right?

I've been hearing stories of fantastic Christmases, how the holidays have been good to people, and I'm really happy to hear all of this. It's all the warmth and happiness that litters the month of December and gets us through the winters. And, for those who've known no in-climate winters [ or winters at all, in that case ], it's still important to think of the month in reverence. When people put their concerns and obligations aside for all the others in their lives in an untimely fashion, it makes me think that people know all they need to know.

Peace, harmony, compassion.

Understanding these things and how to embody them is key to getting where we need to go. Sure, you can underhand your way through things, but it's only a path of recoil and retaliation: something's going to come back to unearth the ground beneath you.

So, yeah. I thought that was cool. Along with all the people venturing all over for their holiday break, spending time with their families and relaxing. My wishes for happiness go out to you all, and from all of my friends who love to intrude on these entries [ this time it's Miss Juliette, everyone say hello to Juliette and wish her to feel better soon! ], hope your year was fantastic.

Be sure to end it with a bang! But, of course, be careful!

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

t a k e . o f f - to a place i`ve never seen -- ; ~ away from who I USED TO [ b e ]

So many things to say. Always the case, yet, I still never truly can figure out what to say first. So, here we go.

It's Christmas time! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of the other individuals celebrating other festivities. You ask someone about Christmas, and they'll tell you what they know about it. Ask another person, and they'll tell you something different, yet it's still the same. They've got carols to back their declarations up: of the sentiments, of the deliverance of a baby boy, of the glories they are grateful for - they are all pieces of the same puzzle. A melting pot that is missing so many more ingredients.

As of recent, I've been searching for a new taste in music, as should have been noted and mentioned in the previous entry. Granted, the choices I've already been listening to have a few secret pieces that they hide from me every now and then. One in particular, Oh Land's Helicopter is a prime example of this. It's simple, it's promising, much like the holiday season.

We'd gather around for one day and smile and share stories, laugh on one accord and share a meal at a table with people we most likely wouldn't see around in the same house if we lived together, all for the sake of the holiday season. There are the many controversies, as there are with just about anything, and yet it does not hinder the Christmas spirit.

The only concern I have with this is, while Christmas is such an indomitable ritual, why hasn't it permeated throughout the very essence of our lives? Every day, why don't we see rosy cheeks smiling, regardless of the season and its weather, why don't we see children holding their parents hands and them rushing to and fro, hurrying in smiling anticipation as they make their way to rendezvous with familiar faces?

Why can't the genuine sincerity of our hearts last for more than a day to a week and some change?

What are the holidays about to you?

A time to see your family - immediate and extended - who you'll admit you don't always get along with, an excuse to escape from the usual grind of your busy year, or a simple excuse to indulge in the guilty pleasures of purchasing and hording egocentric-driven compliments and courtesies for retrieving a material of potentially feigned affection? Are the holidays merely all about the presents you find under the tree, upon a table, or in your hands as you walk out the door?

I've gone through the liberty of making a little, interesting treat, based off the iconic "Twelve Days of Christmas" - of course, mine has to consist of a twist:

1. Honor.
2. Gratefulness.
3. Honesty.
4. Generosity.
5. Permission.
6. Reflection.
7. Dedication.
8. Patience.
9. Wisdom.
10. Compassion.
11. Happiness.
12. Celebration.

There - see? The Twelve Days of Christmas! Except, y'know, without porridge and apple trees or golden eggs laying hens, or however those silly songs go.

I want you to go through, count back on your calendar, spend about a good twelve minutes - math shows that's a minute per selection - to figure out how you exemplified the trait to the respective day. Christmas day being day twelve, and the preceding as day eleven. So, yeah, with that figured out, have at that. You can do it right now if you want, I won't be going anywhere. Haha.

Right, so, whether you did it or not, I want you to write down these days and the words for the days. If it's not too much trouble, I'd request that you make it so that you have space to write next to the words, as you'll be creating a list of your own words for the next twelve days. And, of course, if you could not think of anything that embodied the traits as presented [ just because you think it doesn't mean it's necessarily true, because you could not have been paying attention to it at all ] then simply act them out for the next twelve days. Not too complicated, right?

Hey, if you want, go right ahead and use the same list. Just make sure you write it down somewhere and tote it around with you. Duct tape, your finger, your dog's collar - wherever! If people know what you're exemplifying, they'll acknowledge it, and that's all we need. For people to know that it still exists and for people to not give up hope on the rest of mankind.

I may be speaking to a small audience here, but I believe that you all - dedicated reader or uninterested and non-reader - are more than capable. You've made it through each day and have smiled at least once, haven't you? Anything's possible, I say.

Oh, and if you didn't notice, I brought up hope again. I'll leave that one to you.

Happy holidays again! Hope you and all of your family, friends, loved ones, acquaintances, enemies, strangers, and influences are blessed and have a great season. Try to ensure that everyone around you has a great time, along with yourself, of course.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

I`m still in the dark __ lighting candles . . .

Oh, the winter break has finally come. And with it, the end of the year. It's surprising - it always is, really. How the year flies by so fast, yet we bade every single day, every waking moment we spend doing one thing or another. Or maybe even nothing at all. All I know is that there's been a lot of time wasted, and we need to take care of that.

Well, I'm starting fresh in more ways than one: most notably, music choices. As if my taste in music was not eccentric and unorthodox enough. Of course, I'll still favor my top choices, but venturing out of my comfort zones of "repeat-shuffle" may prove good for me. And maybe even provide a bit more variety for this particular audience. When I listen to music, I'm sure I've gone over this before, I listen to the lyrics as well as the tone and melodies. They occasionally fit my personality and mood whenever it seems befitting. Of course, this is true for so many others, so I'm not far off when I say that people may or may not like the songs I designate for each entry.

My apologies and pardons to those disappointed in particular choices.

Regardless, I will provide what I listen to for the same reasons as before.

Courtesy of a marvelous, Miss Denae Wilkins who has been mentioned in an earlier entry, The Weepies' "Lighting Candles" is the first in this new "trial".

Hope. That's what this Holiday Season's all about. Community, sure. Compassion, of course. But hope is the staple that keeps it all in one piece, functional and very much so. Learning what hope is can be more difficult to explain than we could initially presume, but it's worth it. Asking of hope is just as strange as it is to conceive the notion of explaining one's experience with hope. Simple, fickle things we'll explain to comprehend one another, but we all understand tacitly that hope is just bigger than the things you can fit in your pocket or showcase to your friends.

Hope is what keeps us waking up each day, looking forward to something that hasn't happened yet, but we hope to experience. We may not expect things to fall into place, but we hope something goes the way we desire. All in all, this season of hope has us all by the ankles. Unfortunately, the things we've tied to Hope has turned it on its head, and now we're dangling from our ankles.

Don't give up [ H O P E ]. Find it in its true form and embrace it. Follow it to your aspirations, to your beliefs, to its conviction. It's a concrete pillar supported by clouds underneath it - it could be feasible if you gave it reason to.

Just to leave this open and as a seg-way into the Holiday Season, I hope you all have a happy holiday season. Whatever you celebrate and with whoever you find yourselves with, may it be blessed and greater than you could ever imagine.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend . . .

Are you familiar with the group, "You Are Loved"?

I'm sure I've mentioned it before: it's a suicide-awareness group that a friend of my good friend [ who has now become a good friend of mine as well ] has been dedicated in advocating. Her creation of this group has most certainly done great things. Not only has she gone around speaking to a myriad of schools on the matter, but her internet expansion has created an influence on many.

If you haven't checked it out yet [ by being observant and clicking the image at the top of this blog - the one with the very intriguing book ] you should get on that. Just take a moment to click and read. Set aside whatever it is you're doing and actually listen to what she has to say. It's important stuff; the words of millions neatly and eloquently produced in a fantastic read. It may not be exactly your cup of tea to go out and be active, but the little things that you do count just as much as the massive deeds.

I was dancing through it because a friend of mine mentioned it today. She saw one of the wristbands [ courtesy of youareloved.co ] that I was wearing. She said that her friend had spoken to her about the website itself. With that embedded in my mind, and the recent entries of cherishing life and the fantastic things of the like, I found it only superbly befitting that the song "Jumper" as performed by Bedlight for Blue Eyes [ whether they are the original artist or not, I like their particular recording ] was one of the few I had scoured the list for to hold such a powerful message.

Simply listening to the song, you hear the same line over and over again:

" . . . i wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend . . . "

It may not come to some people at first, but if you think about it for a moment longer, the lyrics are cajoling an individual from leaping off some kind of high edge as a resolve to save them from ending their lives. It's important that we all know who our friends are, what's going on with them, and where we stand in assistance. If we know someone who is going through trouble, our natural instinct - as human beings - is to forward compassion. It may not be genuine, it may be as sincere as the kindness of our hearts - regardless, it is compassion: sharing the pain with them. Coming to understand what they're experiencing and how it's become a burden for them is key in getting them to turn and listen to you before they get any more tempted to inch closer to that ledge.

It is our obligation to stop them. It is our purpose to help them step down from the ledge and carry their burden with them.

"Where we stand in assistance" basically means what we can do to help them. If it's not literal and physical assistance, then we most certainly can be present as a confidante. It doesn't take any effort to simply sit down and listen to someone else rattle. It surely does not. It doesn't take any effort to be reasonable in a conversation either, so consoling an individual should not prove to be a task for a single individual on this planet. Concern for others is an ideal aspect in a world of peace that not everyone is willing to attain.

It's nice to talk to someone you haven't before. If you've been following along or have been practicing on your own moral objectives, you would have, at the very least, experienced this once. Encountering an unfamiliar face and simply asking the light, small-talk of leisure conversations: "How are you today?" or "How's it going?" leading into a compliment like "Oh, looking great today," or "Very nice shoes." It's something we don't think to do on a daily basis, but it's something we'd greatly appreciate - why not offer it to someone else selflessly as well?

Just as I was typing that, I recalled something very entertaining and appropriate, given the month and season. Twelve or so days until Christmas, it seems, and it's a spectacular occurrence to speak with Santa, whenever you can. Despite your beliefs on the old man, I'd like to honestly make the announcement that he is one of the greatest individuals in "history" and will most likely remain so. So, no need to get offended when people revere him and idolize him during the Christmas Season - we're all aware of what it exactly is about.

Community. And, of course, Saint Nicholas is merely a ploy to reel in that sense of community without any bickering over personal beliefs and ideals more so than usual.

Regardless, my story is more important.

I was on the way to rehearsal, courtesy of the fantastic driving services of one of my good buddies. I was already running a little late, but it was alright [ I got to rehearsal on time, so I suppose I wasn't exactly "late", and we got to meet Santa, but I digress ]. We suddenly decided to pay Santa Dearest, whom we had driven by, a visit; out of the parked car we hopped, and over we trotted. Into his shack, past the display of elves working in their box of a workshop and past the camel and the wisemen - even the Nativity was glowing with a radiance [ and electricity ].

In we went, and to his cramped space we were welcomed with warmth and the typical Christmas carols on an iPod [ Santa's got to treat himself sometimes too ]. So, I went in and he asked me, "What's up, bud?" And I said what I wanted to: not what I wanted, nor how I had been a great boy this year, but how I adored him for his services. How he sat there, negotiated with the little children into things that he could fit into his sack of toys [ or maybe that their parents could actually afford ] and how, on behalf of all of the people who were unable to see him and his wonderful renovation [ he said he did what he could, but he's been trying to spruce up the place by moving the pictures of the reindeer and something about the Missus that I missed, awestruck by one of the self-portraits he had laminated ], that I would be the voice of their appreciation.

And, of course, that I had been a good boy this year.

Haha. I'm kidding. [ Even though I totally have, but that's not the point... Even though it is. ]

He thanked my friend and I, inquiring where we went to school, was impressed and once again thanked us. After an exchange of gleaming smiles and two fist-pounds [ one for each of us ] we were off, wishing Santa a Merry Christmas and lots of egg nog and cookies.

Of course, I can only wish the same for you. But, this season, try to focus not on the materialistic things that you expect to rip open paper about it and find within, but on the words leaving your mouth - on the way you behave - to effectively convey your sentiments of others around you and how much they matter to you.

After all, this is the season.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

w e `` w e r e `` b o x i n g - - - the ** STARS ...

Thinking. Thinking is good. Thinking is important.

Idle, absentminded thinking is nothing compared to contemplation that will bring you to a life-changing conclusion. Sometimes you need silence to sort out your thoughts. Sometimes you need some music to make the brain juices flow. Well, I never was too interested in Jack's Mannequin before, but after one of my friends suggested so, I decided to dive into their music. And, the irony of the matter is that the song is a very interesting listen.

"Dark Blue" is the song, and it's pretty interesting.

I haven't been able to hop onto this and flesh out my thoughts since the show, I think. A couple of weeks since my last, "legitimate" entry, if I'm not mistake? In part, that can be attributed to my fairly busy schedule. As of recent, I've plunged into the vast field of my particular interest - if you haven't already known from prior entries or did not know this altogether, I am aspiring to be a performer of sorts. With that said, the auditions and extra lengths to make connections and piece together schedules has been more than productive for me - it's been time-consuming.

I don't really know where I'm going with it. I want to make a career out of it, and I've been hearing from just about every direction I turn to, how busy and intense my focuses will be. I'll be completely consumed by my work, and it's a great thing to hear. It actually is - I'd much rather be running around, exhausted from doing something I love than live miserably doing something I don't enjoy. If I'm not happy, then I cannot exactly instill genuine happiness into those around me; without that performed correctly, I would fail to fulfill one of my purposes in life.

=]

So, earlier today, I was thinking of the terms people use derogatorily. I've been thinking about it a lot as of late, and it pops up just about everywhere. While miscommunication does seem to play a large role in it all, it's important for us to make an effort in accompanying all those around us. We may not think about it as the words fly from our mouths, but sometimes we say something that may inflict other people negatively.

When we say these things, I wonder, do they apply to the particular type of people we don't like? The particular group of people we're afraid to become or associated with? Irrational disdain and hatred stems from ignorance - anyone can hate anyone, but not everyone can rationally justify their "argument", if you will. Only to rely on their impressions of a person and the general, habitual practice of applying them in a degree of discrimination, while we won't honestly admit it, it is purely unjust. Words sting much more than we realize, and it's important that, not only do we train our tongues to use the right words, but that we ensure that we are aiming to fortify our confidence.

Confidence has been a reoccurring topic as of late, hasn't it?

Well, with confidence, you will be fine. You will be able to say, "people can say whatever they want about me, because I know it's not true and I won't let it effect me." With that kind of pride, that kind of certainty, you can surf forth upon the stormy waves that we call life.

Speaking of pushing and persevering, I want you to watch something really quickly: it's about seven minutes long, but it most certainly is worth the seven minutes.

Jacob Schemmel - "My Story"

I suppose some things that go fairly viral are ridiculous and obscene, but if you clicked that and watched it in its entirety, then I want you to go back and watch it again. Don't look at his note cards and feel the music because I told you too, but read the words on the screen, understand them. This is somebody's life, someone who most of us may not even know. The compassion it stirs within us is only a fraction of what we should act upon.

The things we hear sprouting from the mouths of others, or even our own, are more oft than not the most obnoxious things we could consider us ever saying. A sincere and genial person would not think to say these things. We, of course, are not perfect. However, nor is a person who is of a sincere and genial persona. People with hearts of good-nature would find it absolutely sweet what Jacob has done.

I believe it is absolutely admirable. I respect and revere this individual, and while I may not know him or of his specific circumstances before or after I watched this video, I can honestly proclaim that while I watched it I felt close to him. It's truly unfortunate how things so traumatic occur to the greatest of people. They turn us on a wild, twisting ride that we would have not been able to recover from on our own, and then our experiences provide us with an opening to slide into. The epiphany that we trip over, the people we stumble into, and then those stranded out at sea we rescue - they are all a component of our transformation.

Big or small, your trials are making you a better, stronger person. Let us take after Jacob's and his friends' lead and just... "Everybody Love Everybody."

I need one of those shirts. Haha.

Thank you for your inspiration, Jacob. Thank you on behalf of all the people who have watched your video, thank you for all of those who said it and all those who didn't get the chance to. Thank you for taking it all in stride, for being strong enough to do things so many people could not do, and for being able to share it with the rest of the world. You're right: the smile has much more power than people give it credit for, and anyone who watched your video could have easily admitted to having experienced it.

I'm turning things around. I've found most of my footing, where I'm going and how to approach the directions. I've found my support and my purpose, surely. I've figured how to angle myself so that I can dive headfirst into the intimidating and indefinite waters below. But, with the massive impact I've been resolved to make, I think my splash will be much louder than I anticipate it.

Then I'll swim out and rescue all the people drifting away and swim them back to shore.

And then I'll do it all over again.

<3 ~ Monty
=]

( the _ b a l l o o n s ) . . dance . ``skyward . . . ~ & we :: WATCH :: with - a - d - o - r - i - n - g - .s.m.i.l.e.s.

Christina Perri - Penguin

          The bright ray of light peaked into the darkness. The silence caressed my ears. The soft sheets cocooned me in my emanating heat. The creaking of my joints and stiffness of my eyelids attributed to the notion that, with the sun up, I did not want to follow after it. With a stretch of ecstasy here, and a pop of relief in joints there, the covers shifted. The freshness of the air, it curled up into my nose. I smiled dreamily.

The window was open, and through it wafted the warmth of the cordial weather. Never brash, never abrasive - always content. The rustling of leaves rang out in the comforting silence of the world outside. My four walls, they were all I knew. They kept me leveled when I thought I was going to leap from each and every surface within their grasp, they protected me when I was frightened of all the irrational thoughts swarming my head - they kept me comfortable with who I was meant to be.

I did not pay attention to the mess my hair was in. I vaguely remembered that it was atop my head by the time I had slipped out of the massive bed, body aching with the pleasures of a fantasy and splendid rest. My bare feet were shaped just as I recalled them to be when I closed my eyes, them being the last things I saw at the foot of my bed last night. They carried me without complaint over to the window. Against the bland white of the walls, untainted - the quintessence of purity - a window frame was positioned.

It was my only opening to the rest of the world. It was so much more colorful than my four walls, and as I looked back to compare, the differing levels of comfort I found in my four walls and this open window were immense. I knew everything that was in this room. While I could not see it, I knew what it was and where it was located.

Turning back to the burnt, chestnut-hued pane, I traced it with my fingers. Its smell was intoxicating, the smell just as hypnotizing as its touch. It was my liberty, my gateway. I reached out to touch one of the ferns that dangled mere inches from my windowpane. I could imagine how it felt, how the plant's green would be like velvet and waxy in a rather unorthodox mix. I could imagine how it would bend under my pressure, how the leaf would contort itself in limp cooperation. And, every morning I woke to this, I vowed that I would find a way through this window for good.

Just as I thought that, I took a quick step back, retracting my fingers from the smooth surface to watch the top of the window slam down before me.

It was not a surprise: I had done this before. I did not conclude the reason for its sudden restriction. With the arms of the window barring it with fortification, I could not find a way out. It would not budge - I had tried before and it nearly snipped off my fingers as it hopped and sharply shut with a "thwack!" I couldn't break it because I was afraid its shards would turn on me, that they would harm my bare feet if I stepped upon them, that I would be susceptible to the things it was preventing me from whenever it closed itself.

I was afraid that I would not be able to find my way through the window - find my way to the rest of the world, find my way to freedom.

I paced the undetermined area of my room, subconsciously aware of its ever-changing shape and dimensions. The white was difficult to distinguish, but I did well enough to not knock into my bed, not knock into a wall or two upon my fourth remembering that I had passed a particular point after losing count. My eyes quickly darted to the windowsill.

Upon it, a bug rested. This bug was black, and its features appeared as outlined as though I held some sort of augmenting visionary assistant to inspect it. I held my breath. The bug had been in here before, and it had flown around once before flying back out. This time, it awaited my arrival once over, but only to turn in my direction and watch. To watch intently.

I stalked closer, breathing steadily through my nose and struggling to not fail my perfected, unblinking gaze. The bug twitched, feeling a bit uncomfortable with my advances, but remained upon its perch, nonetheless. This black against the white, it went against everything I knew. I knew my own skin was not the same shade as the walls in my room - a key component in verifying my sanity each time I was on the brink of my mind - and that this bug once before had done the same.

But, this time, with its eyes watching me and mine upon it, I had a feeling things were different.

I stumbled forth as I knocked my foot against a stool. Quickly breaking my focus, I kicked the stool - which I could not see - from my path and lunged forth for the insect. It gave a teasing sizzle of its wings and shot back through the open window before my hands knocked against its then-closed state. Climbing from the ground with as much grace as I did sense of this peculiar window, I pulled myself to my knees, uncomfortable against the sturdy surface beneath me, and stared out at the bug.

It, fluttering its microscopic wings, hovered in the same spot for a second longer than it did before. When it visited me, I would always fail to pursue it, to interrogate it. To ask it how it felt to fly, to ask it what it looked out there.

To understand why I was within my beloved and overbearing four walls, restricted by this lone system of glass and wood.

With a defeated sigh, I resumed my pacing.

I kept count this time, but heard a distant noise each time I attempted to turn and continue. After a few times, I tripped over my rally and lost track, quickly glancing at the sill. The bug had returned.

"You!" I called after it. It was the first time I had addressed it with my voice, something I was startled myself to hear. I had barely recalled my ability to communicate. Before then, I had no reason to. I was simply in my four walls, by my lonesome.

The bug slowly turned on its odd-even number of legs. I realized that it was taunting me. While I didn't let this bother me, it did irk me that an insect had better wit than I at that moment. At the very least, it could escape these four walls. I, on the other hand, could not.

Or, at least, not with this window prohibiting me.

This time, it stopped to turn to the world past the window. The blues in the distance, the sands glittering with the glorious sunshine of the sun dancing across the water in a waving trail of light - they were all more magnificent than I could have ever fathomed. Before I had realized it, however, I had neared the window, this time without any obstacles. I stopped where I was, the black bug twitching twice to turn halfway, glancing at me, before turning back to the outside.

"What is it?" I asked it, wondering how my voice had changed. Had it been like this when I first used it? In fact, when was the last time I had used it? I didn't even recall being anywhere other than these four walls. With my wonder forever unsatisfied, I decided to settle my qualms for the time being. It was this bug who had greater power than I. I watched as a color, similar to that which danced after the sun in the sky, slowly cascaded through the open gaps through the foliage which surrounded my window.

I then noticed the absurdly thin string wrapped about the insect's body and followed its line to the bottom of the floating form.

It looked rather elastic, gleaming with the light of the sun outside and the natural lighting of my four walls. The bug's wings buzzed for a moment, the crackle of their rapid flapping thundering through my silent room. I couldn't hear my own breath, but I could hear this insect's own.

"A balloon?" As the figure came into full form, I took notice that it could fit through the window. The window did not shake, did not tremble as I approached it, and the bug and the yellow balloon did not drift away. I could not see the wire that connected them both, bug and balloon, but I believed that I would grasp it if I simply reached for it. I watched as my slender fingers wrapped about the thin string, and delicately eased it in through the open frame.

My lips curled up into a delighted smile, my teeth shining as radiantly as my walls, alarmingly white. The bug wiggled loose from its makeshift harness, and I watched as it danced in the air, bobbing in its ascent. Its path coiled about my upright forearm and around the larger balloon. I watched as it flew straight upwards, rising as high into the whiteness as my eyes would be able to distinguish the miniscule speck, and then further.

I no longer could hear the insect's wings. I watched the open window. The leaves no longer whispered in their dancing, and the waves no longer lapped against the bank of the sands. I could no longer see the sun from where I stood, but I knew it was out there, shining brightly on everything I could see.

I then understood what I needed to do.

With the fragile and insubstantial thread pinned between my fingers, I watched the balloon. It swayed in its idle presence, in my idle wait. I admired its lively color, how it was filled with air to keep it buoyant, and how it was able to be dangled about, toted around by a string without so much as a care in the world.

As ridiculous as it sounds, it was a balloon - of course it would be carefree.

I smiled. My fingers' grip unraveled from the string, and I watched as it followed the same path as the insect that left me to my own. It was something I would not be able to explain, but the feeling that swelled me in that moment was paramount to the one that would follow right after.

A thunderous roar shook my four walls. The sound of the sky ripping open and all that I knew around me would drown out my ears. But... I simply stood there, still smiling at that balloon until it was out of sight - and then I continued smiling.

When I blinked, I could no longer see it there. When I blinked again, I then realized that the white I was looking at had gone. It was drifting away in the form of a puffy, white cloud against the backdrop of a soft, blue sky. I looked around me, and I found that my four walls were nowhere to be found. Trees and plants of all shapes and sizes watched me. The sunlight bounced off smooth bark and waxy leaves, sending splatters of sunlight onto the patchy grasses beneath my bare feet.

I inhaled. Where the window was before, it no longer was. Before me was only the path to the sands which stretched beyond where I could reach with my arms and further than my feet would take me and to the endless expanse of blue, where no one could fathom swimming out to.

I was free.

<3 ~ Monty

=]

LEAN ON ME . . . && . . . i`ll help you . . . [ C A R R Y . O N . ]

Sound familiar?

Wait, wait - backtrack.

An entry dated on a day that is neither Tuesday or Friday?
Ridiculousness. Absurd, I tell you!

And indeed it is. Saturday, November 19th, 2011, was the second and last performance in the musical I am proudly a participant of. The Kent Place School production of Rent! was far beyond words could describe. First run through on Friday, November 18th, 2011, was excitement and anticipation. We wanted to get it done and be proud of our work, the first performance. And, when we were done, we had stormed backstage and started leaping into one another's arms. It was done, we had gotten through it once with success. Our months of preparation and  bonding finally, unfortunately, has paid off.

We got through the two shows with our hitches and, if I might add, did such a fantastic job. Of course, I wouldn't be able to do any justice with the words I can come up with, but I most certainly can express how appreciative I am of the experience: being able to talk to people, being able to make more friends than I have fingers in one environment, be exposed to different vessels of immense talent and to be within the same vicinity as all the jovial and uplifting dispositions just about every day of the week.

It was, indeed, daunting, as one of my friends from the aforementioned project had told me at the beginning of this week. She said it'd be happy, exciting, daunting and beautiful altogether.

I didn't think she would be so right.

The show itself, I'll admit, is pretty darn spectacular, let alone the people in it making it so much better. I wanted to dedicate this particular, special entry to the members of this cast and give them the proper thanks that I could not possibly manage to utter out altogether at once. Not to mention I'll end up forgetting stuff for here, but I can totally always run back and edit while no one's looking... And then tell them to go back and read it again. =D

So, I digress.

I should have gotten a program. That would have been fantastic as a reference to verify I had everyone's name.

Keenan Kariotis - Honestly, I can never figure out how to say your last name. This is why, if I have ever shouted at you, it has never been in your full name. Heh. So, yeah. You were Mark [ for those who were wondering about particular characters ]. Didn't like the hat, so you scratched it, weren't comfortable in the jacket, so you tossed it, totally wore an undershirt beneath the sweater, so you weren't irritated [ just kidding ], and you rocked your red converses running up and down those steps with an occasional trip up the top step - how you manage to forget to lift your knee every now and then is beyond me, but that's not the point here. Sunday, November 20th, at midnight, we all waited in the dance studio to sing happy birthday to you and, as Julia stated, very beautifully. I don't even know what to think, man. It's weird: I don't consider you a brother, but that's what I feel like our connection has settled as. You're a great bud, and such a goof, it's nearly impossible to keep a straight face when you're traipsing up and down the steps and telling me about sodomy and how it's between God and you - but it's fantastic to work with you. You and your crazy pals need to make sure you take care of yourselves and don't get into any trouble that you don't need to, hear me? I look forward to keeping in touch and working with you, though. Love your loud voice, don't get bashful and embarrassed about it. Better to be heard and seen than not at all. So, yeah. I'll learn how to do that snap thing, Skip. And maybe take some shimmy-ing lessons. <3

Joseph Verga - Honestly, first day of auditions, I was a little nervous. You being there auditioning as well didn't make it any better. In fact, you were cast as Roger, as I would later learn, to be my particular adversary for the dearest Mimi. But, away from the set and without the music forcing us to spit lines at each other, you, Sir, are quite the individual. More nonchalant and easy-going than I had originally anticipated from my impression on Audition Day. Your voice, it's sick, and you're a very good actor, I've witnessed. Y'know, it was a little rough at first, what with all the awkward and angst, but I think you pulled Roger off very well. Oh, and you're a very reliable individual when I'm in need of animals upon request, so thank you for that. And, for a kid who goes to the school you do, I'm glad you're a sensible and conscientious person. I'll be harassing you for quite some while, so don't think you'll end up forgetting about me and never see my face again. Haha. Alright, bud, you keep up the good work. Just make sure no one else is playing Spiderman - I hear it's super-dangerous. <3

Juliette Norrmen-Smith - I see you are learning, because our high fives DO kick ass and take names. Next, you must learn the names of people whose asses they kick. You're a beautiful young woman, and you have a beautiful heart. To be picked out as Mimi, I'm very sure, was not a mistake. If anything, we were each put in our roles to learn and progress - together. Would it be accurate to say that this was your first musical experience? I believe it goes for the lot of individuals in the cast, as well as myself, but I do believe you performed exceptionally well, given the circumstance, which, by the way, are completely a hoax and surreal. I don't know HOW in the world you pulled it off, but I revere you and your... un... human skill of recovering and pulling off the performance like that. First dying and coming back to life, now this - I think I may need to press your application as some kind of goddess a little further. I confide in you more than I do myself, and with out high fives proving to be something rather significant, I do expect one the next time I see you. Your voice, even through its hardships, delivers "Without You" significantly each time, and just about everyone was upstage tearing up and sniffling with Joe's harmonies. It's unreal. I still have stories to tell you, so there's one of your many excuses for us to find each other as time progresses. So, yeah. Don't miss me too much, or else I'll have to live up to expectations - and we all know those are NEVER fun. <3

Julia Cicchino - It's funny. You were the first face I saw when walking down to the auditions with my buddy Kieran. So friendly and genial when you introduced yourself, and I'll be honest, I didn't remember your name the next day. Hah. ^^;; So, I'm lucky you introduced yourself, because I would have been even more of a fish out of water. I really appreciate everything you've done, and you're not only a magnificent performer, but a beautiful person. I don't even know what to say. Honestly, I revere you and your capabilities on stage, and on the Saturday show, had to stop from peeing in my pants with Joe because your improvisations are always so hilarious, the best Maureen, I'm sure. Oh. Man. So, yeah, you may occasionally find yourself faltering in confidence and doubting your actions, but I can reassure you - right now - that anything you do will be completely fine. You're on a path that is impossible to stray from in your case, and that would be greatness. If you're headed nowhere, then I have no hope for myself. You're fantastic - always was and always will be.  I love your face, the first I saw. <3

Annie "Collins" Hilton - Collins, just to let you know, I haven't done it yet, but I'm resolving to check the "yes" box. You're fantastic, hilarious, and while you may be quite the complex individual, your simply fantastic attitude is just what it is - fantastic. You're hilarious beyond measures, and I adore how awesome you are. If it weren't for our scissors every day, I'd feel a bit distant from you, but playing "swaps" makes everything better, don't you agree? You as Joanne not only worked out in so many ways, but I must admit, dipping your own mix into the bit made her so much better. I don't know what I'll do without our daily scissors, but I'll be seeing you for certain. Hopefully you'll bother wearing a dress for our wedding. <3

Eleanor Haglund - Every time I see your last name, it reminds of Hagrid. Which, reminds me, I'm almost done with the first book [ about one hundred pages or so left ], but that's besides the point. Ele, you... I don't even know. You're an adorable pint-sized adorable of adorable. I love you. While I could have gotten storytime with everyone else, I'm glad I had storytime with you. So much fun. You are a fantastic performer, and you could have fooled me with your tree and your money tossing and eccentric leggings that you were a drag. Y'know, if the purple wig didn't do it already. I don't expect our storytime to ever end, especially since we've stories yet to share. <3


P e n d i n g . s p a c e . . . 

Samantha Narciso - You are insane. And I love it. You're probably one of the people whom I've had the most fun with. Definitely. Going into town, our crazy conversations, our ridiculous plans - they're all fantastic. As Mark's mother, as the coat vendor, as a friend of Shale - you were a critical staple in the show, and behind the scenes. You were fantastic and despite our lack of interaction on stage, I'm happy to have worked with you. And, even in town, I've learned from you - as noted before in earlier entries. You're a bubbly and kind-hearted person whose smile knows no opposite: you're a bright face in the mix of us all and your voice is as distinguishable as your bouncing around and making people laugh. Upon her creation, Darantha will be proud to exist. <3

Mahogany Aminzia - Mogs~ A fellow blogger and a very fun person. At first, you settled in like a wallflower - I didn't really notice you all that much, but whenever we all goofed around, I would see you talking to people and laughing. Then we became great friends while you learned your magnificent choreography with the others sitting on the balcony. Your skills are most certainly under the radar, and while I haven't the chance to sincerely appreciate any of your particular works, I've witnessed you in the group and have had enough conversations with you to gather what kind of person you are. Plus, the ensemble of clothes you tossed together for the show was pretty respectable - especially the red suspenders. I love your laugh and whenever we're joking about how the awkwardness occurring seems to just be a part of daily life, I can't help but think that there's something you include in real life that you should take to the blog. Whether you do or not is your choice, as is deciphering what it is exactly you'll bring to the blog, but whatever it is, it gives you your pleasant and inviting aura. But, of course, I'm looking forward to working with you more than anything else: photographs are always a treasure. <3

Morgan Hoit - With each little comment I read, I think yours was one of the first I saw. If not, then it was one of the ones I read before I had my little incident of overwhelming joy and all that. Heh. I enjoyed our little adventure and look forward to many more, especially since sharing stories is a key to our friendship. You're a great person, and we relate more than I'm sure we realize. Not to mention the fact that our "friendship picture" is one of the best out of the mix. You're a remarkable girl, and I believe in you, whatever it is you run after. Thank you for everything you've done. But, of course, don't expect to get rid of me so easily. You'll find me in the back of your trunk one day, just so you know. Don't have a heart attack when I jump out and hug you. <3

Gabriela Mottesi - Did I spell it right now? Gabby, you're adorable and have quite the intuition. You're a fantastic singer, which I'm sure you've heard many times before, but the copious amounts of silliness that line the fiber of your being is remarkable. To be your potential and impending editor, I am honored to have such a... great thing to look forward to. Haha. I'm kidding. Despite Sixth Grade being your year, I believe that upon the time of your employment, you will ascend through the ranks - not only as a writer, but as a person. Where would an editor be without such a raw and fine gem to refine and shape to perfection, even if it's close enough already? <3

Natalie Rathgeber - Would you shun me for a second or two if I proceeded to proclaim that I recount your name as "Wrath of the Boogers" all the time? Well, you most certainly should not feel embarrassed about a thing, Natalie, because I am honestly baffled by your little note [ and humored by Samantha's comments ]. It may have taken you some while to get it done, but I believe you when you say there's no point in trying to compact it all in one little paragraph, because I don't think these blurbs are doing much of any justice to how much I love you all. You have a fantastic voice and I love your hair and your eyes - you're just one bundle of awesome. I most certainly would love to work with you vocally in the future, but I think I might have to crawl in through your window and sing you to bed every night before you would let that happen. <3

Rachael Miller - Oh, youuu. Every time I was up on that balcony in our favorite piece, I had to fight so hard to keep a straight face when you attacked my leg. It made the number so much more lively. I absolutely adore you, and I enjoy harassing our mutual friend in school as you do when you see him in the morn. You're a beautiful and funny little lady, and I really am happy that I got to spend time with the lot of you. But, I swear, the next time I see you with that invisible baby and I'm in Benny-mode [ possibly if I see you in the morning on the bus ], I may just end up swinging my leg in random directions. Just so you know. <3

Denae Wilkins - Oh my dear. Denae - ever so classy and absolutely hilarious. Your laugh is fantastic and it almost got us in trouble one day upstage - don't know if you remember it, but I vaguely do. Anywho, you're quite the diva, but in a positive aspect. Perhaps it'd be easier to say that you are possess the positive attributes  of a diva, and then some. And, of course, our moments of utter confusion and chaos are priceless. Keep your head up because no one can look down on you and neither should you. Your greatest admirer follows shortly after, Shale. <3

James Whiting - I don't believe I could have forgotten about you, my good sire, James. In all honesty, I adore you just as much as all the girls do - not because of how fabulous you are, but because I remember our lovely sessions of "Big Booty". In our giant circle of eighteen or so, and you made it a contraction. That. Had. Me. Rollin'. [ In the deep ]. So, yes, James. I am going to miss you and your fantastic singing and all the humor you instill in the group. Keep up the good work and don't let anyone ever tell you something you don't want to hear - if they try to tell you otherwise, just remember about your dearest Shale above you and what she would do. Stay classy. <3

Joanna Massa - I'm sorry for using your full name, Joey. I have a feeling you don't like it all that much, but I would have never guessed that to be your first name. Right, so you are such a funny and bubbly person, I love it. I absolutely adore you, and your are a very beautiful young woman. Your dance skills are superb and your hair, all of the ridiculous amounts of it, is still pretty, no matter how crazy it gets. You're worth more than a diamond in the rough and I'm certain that all of your friends cherish being exactly that: friends with you. What's more is that I want to remind you what you promised me, don't forget: "You can have this body for free." I'm looking forward to it, Missy. <3

Abigail Espiritu - First and foremost, you're amazing; secondly, you have an awesome last name; lastly, you're absolutely amazing. You have fantastic taste in music for being my Paramore buddy and you are the epitome of adorableness. I love you and I appreciate every single word you've said to me [ while I may have honestly not heard every one ], even the personal little note. Thank you for your smiles, your confidence, your motivation - everything. Whether it was intentional or not, I hop on the bandwagon of people who absolutely adore you in every way, not because they're all cool people, but because they adore you for the right reason: because you are Abby. You have a great voice, and I do look forward to working with you again sometime soon, most definitely. <3

Emma Forstenhausler - Started as fish flop adversaries, ended as models and fantastic friends, I think we've had quite the run, Emma. And, the best part about it is that it's still going strong. You're ridiculous as a dancer and an absolutely awesome person. You walk pretty fast for a person who's only skin and tendons, but you're perfectly fine, especially with your scandalous dance positions in Juliette's particularly favorite number. I'm going to miss seeing you every day, but I'll have just as much fun harassing you as I do any other time. And, don't you let your guard down - I'll get the fish flop down pat and do it in the penguin suit, then you'll have nothing to hold over my head. <3

Kristen Cotter - I don't know which one to call you! Everyone's always calling you Cotter, but I just think to call you Kristen. You're such a dope, I love you. You're hilarious, you're beautiful and you do a fantastic job as a dancer. I love your hair in pompadour-mode, and I am honored to be dubbed as your favorite. I'll miss you certainly, but I'm pretty sure our future conversations will make it seem like I'm not even gone. I promise. <3

Katja Yacker - "Yakitty Yak, don't talk back!" That's the first thing whenever I see or hear your last name. Haha. Sorry. You're a fantastic dancer and you proved to be one of greatest shouter in our favorite number - especially since you weren't mic'd at all. But, I digress: your humor for my emoticons knows no boundaries as the wonder expounds. I don't know why you were bawling so hard, but I find it funny still because it's just you, y'know? So, I'm sure we'll figure out what to do, and I'll come up with an emoticon that makes sense for you, alright? Looking forward to running around like a buffoon with you sometime soon. <3

Jordan Cobb - Oh, dearest Jordan. So many memories. With you, with everyone else, and mostly dancing. If we weren't singing, we were dancing, and if we weren't dancing, we were singing. Obviously, the answer to the question that is not posed is that we could have been doing both at the same time - but never neither. There are no other options. Out of the craze of hair in the mass of the group, you and Sam had us all beat, and I would like to commend you on being able to function properly with that mountain on your head. It's really funny, actually. And, as I mentioned with Rachael, I enjoy communications with our mutual friend to relay messages, so keep that up. I don't think there's anything else I want to say because I pretty much say it every day. <3

Emily Bridges - Emsssss~ I swear, I know your name. I fumbled with the chant I had with Natalie, going around and wishing you all to "do amazing", but I know your name, certainly. You're a very pretty lady and funny as well. I feel as though we didn't get to hang out all that much, but when we did, we had more than a grand time. You're very nonchalant and I admire that as well. It was a great experience to work with you and an even better time to run around within the same vicinity, not knowing what we're doing most of the time. Not like we know what we're doing any other time. <3

Elizabeth Fountain - Lizzyyy~! "Great job taking off the guitar!" That was very funny, and when you did it again Saturday, I felt a sudden inclination to applaud you. You're a fantastic girl and I loved spending time with the lot of you. I plan on talking to you all the time, so don't think anything of this rather short passage. You may have shed tears at the post-production withdrawal, but it's okay because we'll all be seeing each other again - that's a promise. <3

Madeline Pensiero - Mads, a model in the midst of us all. You're a gorgeous little lady and I think you're very cool, in all honesty. I don't know what else to say - you already know it all. It was fun to run around and do all this great stuff with you. I'm glad you were satisfied with the angle you settled upon, by the way, because any higher and it would not have turned out to be very 80's-ish, I think. Or I could be wrong. I don't really know, I wasn't born in that decade. So, yeah. Stay beautiful. <3

Alana DiSabatino - Lanes, you're absolutely magnificent. So funny and it's unfortunate that no one's buying - I hope you don't actually end up crying. Our friendship is probably solid since our swaying during the solos and have gotten even stronger since our time chilling out while everyone else learned choreography. Oh, and by the way, I love your hat. I want one like that - the one with the ears and the makeshift gloves: it's awesome. Love youuu. <3

Janie McGraw - You and Brianna were like two peas in a pod, so it's a little odd for me to just single you out here. You're pretty darn funny, I'll admit, and with our idle singing, I must admit that you could give Juliette a run for her money. Haha. And, whenever you were on the balcony, bouncing away and smacking on your gum, it was just as difficult to keep a straight face. And, oh, when you were all mooing, you and Brianna would always charge at me and I would nearly burst out in laughter. I supposed I could go on forever with these things, but they wouldn't prove my point. You're awesome and really pretty, and I'm most likely going to blabber your ears off whenever I talk to you. So, yeah, beware. <3

Brianna Morgan - Oh, hey you. It's funny, because I knew you before Rent! even happened. Then I got to know you a bit better, and times got better. Like I said to and about Janie, you two were oft found together - even in the instance where your strange dance rituals were quite the surprise to me. Despite the strange moments, you did very well as Joanne's mother, and despite your burning passion for the theater and our fantastic experience, I think it went pretty well, all in all. Don't you agree? Well, I'll leave it here - you'll probably cross paths with our mutual friend and he'll ask a myriad of questions. Enjoy that. <3

Rachel Cohen - Rachel! You're a very sweet and nice girl and I enjoyed your presence. You're funny and always great to be around. And your spurs of strangeness add to the awesomeness. Thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you enjoyed the pinguino. I'll miss you, but we'll keep in touch, surely. <3

Cayla Kusnierz - Even though you had to Houdini from the production, we still considered you a part of it and missed you. I enjoyed our little conversations on the steps and the pouring of invisible drinks and never knowing what was happening. Our collective state of being clueless was just about as great as our collective efforts to try and keep straight faces, all the time. I'm glad everything's fine and I wish that you could have stayed in it with us, but I'm even happier you enjoyed it. You're a fantastic singer and I'm pleasured to have met you. But we'll stay in contact, don't you worry your pretty little face. <3

Shannon Campbell - Shannersssss~ Nannersss momanners. Fe fi nanners! We love you, Shannon. We're all sorry you had to get sick and miss out on all the fun, but we're happy that you're feeling better. I, personally, know that you would have enjoyed it better in the audience than as a part of the cast. You are a very great dancer, and I appreciate your coaching me at dance auditions. You reminded me of a friend of mine, whose name is Rachel, so for the first couple of weeks I always wanted to call you Rachel. I'm honored that you enjoy these entries so much and I hope I don't ever prove to disappoint. I'm super-happy that you're feeling much better and that you came to see it. I'm even happier that you enjoyed yourself. With all that you've gone through, you deserved to see the best, and I can assure you that while we were at rehearsals and the sort, whenever we mentioned you and your absence, we looked to add it in our ambition to perform better. We didn't do it because you weren't there and we had to cover the hole, but we did it because we wanted to incorporate you in our spirits and make sure that you felt loved whenever you would return. And when you did return [ and I pseudo-kidnapped you ] I hope you felt all the love we have for you. I'm glad to have met you, and you already know that we're not ever falling away. Not even if you tried. <3

Amanda Corey - Noteworthy of all things, our Stage Manager person lady~ Amanda, you are the sweetest and nicest person I've met, like, ever. I absolutely adore you and I hold you in such a high regard for having the capacity to do what you've done in the past couple of months. I could not have possibly fathomed how you did it all, but you did it. I suppose that's what makes you so amazing. Without you, we would be far beyond a mess, and I want to apologize for our incidents of taking you for granted: we may have wanted to finish our conversations or chill out for a bit longer, but we needed to get back into the theater or the dance studio and refine some things that would have been horrendous Friday and Saturday without you and your incessant running about. I hope you get lots of rest after you shove the rest of your work-pile into completion. Best of luck with your studies and I hope you take it easy - you need a bit of rest and relaxation after that fantastic job you did. Oh, and sorry for giving you that great scare again. Love you, Manders. <3

Claire Lynch - Claire! Thanks for everything. You and Amanda did a fantastic job backstage and we're lucky to have you two. You're the best. Also, thanks for your comment, because that was the one that hit me in my little incident Saturday night, I remember. I really appreciate it, and I'm glad I could have always brought some kind of smile to your face - whether it be from the weird actions or the... or... uhh... Yeah, most likely the weird stuff I did, but I'm glad to have met you. We'll keep in touch, no doubt. <3

Janeen Browne - Oh my. You are fantastic. And, with the capacity to deal with all of us in our state of incoherence and a bit of superbly distracted stupors, I respect you. You're very funny, and while your sass may send me back stumbling, I enjoyed hanging out with you. Thanks for everything you've done and I'm proud that your hard work was all successful. <3

Jordyn Andrea - Another one. I won't bother you too much, especially since you probably won't care to read all of this. You're a very funny one and your sass knocks me off my feet as well. I'm actually impressed with all the intense stuff you did with the lighting and whatnot, and I appreciate everything you've done. It was very nice to work with you, and I most likely will be seeing you around to have a strange moment of peculiar staring. "What are you doing here?" "I'm not entirely sure." "Alright then." And that's exactly how it'll go. I don't know where or when, but yeah. <3

Miss Yanelli - It was my first experience in a dance studio, and to do it with such an eloquent and magnificent instructor, I am pleased to say that Rent!, as my first, official musical experience, has been much more than I could have ever imagined. The choreography was very nice and was a bit above our level, but it challenged us to grow into better performers. Not to mention, because it was a challenge, it allowed us to break down walls and develop in our own ways. For that, Miss Yanelli, I thank you. Always with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eyes, we would watch you do a succinct snippet and then follow right on your heels. From day one, we would stumble about, but by the time opening night came around, we were already anticipating each move before the music had even played. And, as anyone can gather, only a great choreographer is capable of molding pupils like that. <3

Ms. Thomas - It has been a learning experience for the lot of us, I am sure. I went into audition day with as much confidence I could, but not as much skill as I had talent. I walked out of the audition room a bit eased by the comfortable atmosphere the three of you - Miss Yanelli, Mr. Pridham, and yourself - had created, and while there was a bit of a incident with the audition piece, when it was put together and done with, I was not as relieved as I should have been. What's more was that upon the time rehearsals rolled around, I found myself struggling to get out of my comfort zone and reach higher ledges that I never had to stretch before and bother with. As a very talented instructor, I believe that the lot of the entire cast's confidence amplified to measures rather colossal compared to our first rehearsal. Can you remember what it was like? I can't. And guess who it's all thanks to? With the band having done a fabulous job and our learning experience seeming to never end, I thank you, Ms. Thomas. <3

Mr. Thomas [ Robert* ] Pridham - Ah, good sir. I remember the day I was told by a friend of mine to contact a Mr. Pridham and tell him I was interested in participating in the play at Kent Place. I remember how nervous and anxious I was to get a reply - how excited I was to actually send the e-mail in the first place. Then upon audition day, I couldn't help be suddenly be intimidated for a split-second before you started speaking words. I don't know how you do it, but, Mr. Pridham, you're the man. A very talented director to have managed to slip Rent! into Kent Place to begin with, I am honored and proud to have worked with you and everyone else. I appreciate the droplets of encouragement that gave me reason to push forth and stick with this. It was what I thought I loved to do and it most certainly turned out to be true. I can say that, while everyone says they love you or that you're the best, Mr. Pridham, there's no way to pinpoint how much we all appreciate you in one phrase or in the longest dissertation physically possible. And it's because of this fact, my good sir, that I hope to one day make an impression on the earth as you have made one in my mind. Thank you for everything, and it was a great pleasure to work with you. Hopefully we'll all be able to keep in contact more than life plans on getting in the way for. <3
* - Thomas is now your first name, Mr. Pridham. Hope you don't mind changing all the paperwork.


You all are fantastically indescribable. I hope you enjoyed these short little passages, because I've dedicated the whole day to ensuring everyone's is just and inclusive! I appreciate everything you've all done, and I cried twice - twice - Saturday night! Once because the poster itself was quite overwhelming [ something I most certainly did not expect from my first musical, but will appreciate far more than any of you can imagine and understand - it is now on my ceiling and forever shall remain there: First thing I look at when I wake up in the morning. ] and once because everyone started singing the songs from the show. It hit me right then and there how much I love you all. <3

I love you all. Now, enjoy these marvelous little bundles of joy that I am a little disappointed to have missed a few people with, but have included them nonetheless. <3

Collages! Rent! Kent Place School, Fall Production, November 19, 2011 & November 20, 2011. Right there, in the song for this entry. You people are all amazing. Stay that way.

♫ Bill Withers - Lean on me. ♪

<3 ~ Monty
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<3 Words cannot explain.

{ THOUGH } i walked . home . a.l.o.n.e. - g-u-i-d-i-n-g - ME : HOME :

I've never heard of The Finches before! It's actually surprising, too, because they're not that bad. Their song "The House Under the Hill" is very nice and easy to listen to. At the very least, it's been soothing me down a bit, especially since I'm just about to rocket into the sky. It's Friday: the start of the weekend.

Honestly, when I settled into bed about two hours ago, I looked back and felt as though I had done Tuesday's entry the day before! The week had flown right by for me. I wish I could say the same for many others, who have been exhausted by life as of late, but all I can do, as usual, is advise them to take care of themselves. After all, it is the season for influenza and all that fantastic stuff.

Well, I wanted to firstly mention a newer friend of mine, Michele Wiesen, for this very nice song that, apparently, needs more publicity. So, here you go~! Enjoy!

Right, so, it's the eleventh of November in the year two-thousand and eleven. I find it very strange that that has occurred and incidentally it is a Friday. Surely, it's just as possible it could have fallen upon a Tuesday, but a blog-day in general is simply peculiar to me. Don't mind me, though - let's get started, shall we?

I'd like to acknowledge that, just about two months ago, I was starting my first days back to school. Likewise, I would be experiencing what would be my first audition for my first show - at least, for my high school career in another school. In a week - seven days - is opening night. It might not have been that long of a time, but it surely did go by fast. And, it's hitting us all in the face. I've made quite the number of friends - I'd like to say of everyone in the cast and even a few stray, sorry souls who had to encounter me when in the midst of more than three individuals. Heh, sorry if I've ever surprised you when I didn't truly intend to - it can be a bit overwhelming at times.

Right, so~ as if this were a shining moment [ which it, more or less, is ] I'd like to thank a bunch of people. Of course, they don't have much of a say whether they're being mentioned or not: Alexa Baglione, my best friend who shoved me into this with the most support in the world; Kieran Windorf for all of his moral support [ <3 ]; my musical instructors since Elementary School - Kevin Hagen and Maria Politano, who are the best; and all of the individuals who've made this possible. All the participants, all the people who are coming to see it, and everyone they're involved with. It's just a lump-sum of gratefulness. I don't even know where it's going, and I don't care.

I'd hug them all, if I could.

And, with that said, all of you are ridiculously amazing. Of course, the concerns of losing contact wouldn't dare surface into reality, so we'll just leave it at that.

I feel like I'm making a bit of a severed connection here, but being a week away from show-day, it's a rather interesting date as well: 11/11/11. Not much else to say about that, but I did find something that one of my friends said very interesting. And, if she had not have said it, I would not have thought of it at all. Goes to show how amazing each individual person is:

"If we all make wishes today, there is no way they will be heard. So I'll skip out my own to help that one person who really needs theirs."

The notion itself is something I most certainly confide with, so I trust that you will enjoy this remarkable day, because I treat it as if it is simply just another like any other.

As remarkably generic as this may seem, I want you to think about it: if life's been hitting you pretty hard, just take a step back and look at it all. Take a moment to assess what it is that you're hitting against and find a way to let it let you through. Obstacles should only prove as reminders that you're capable of working through and around whatever life has to throw at you. Furthermore, if there are issues that cause you to think about yourself and what you're doing, that's good. Thinking keeps a mind sharp and healthy. The best decisions in one's life can possibly come from the best spells of thinking - not "in the heat of the moment", reflexive thinking, but deep contemplation, akin to that of a philosopher's, if you'd care to get dedicated.

And, as serious as this gets, I just recalled something from today: there was a line of geese crossing the street from the pond to the grass. I was sitting in the car with my friend, waiting for them to pass. It was very entertaining, to say the least.

Indeed.

And it is Veteran's Day, the main topic I wanted to talk about today. I'm not one of the most patriotic individuals in the world, I'll let you know that right now. However, I'll reserve my rights in light that they may be a bit biased, seeing as how I do not know everything in the world. I'll admit, though, that I don't advocate war or violence as the sole solution to issues; granted, it is possible to be a more convenient or even a last resort, only because no two individuals are like, nor shall divided, political powers. But, the purpose to mention Veteran's Day is not to scold the veterans in any regard. In fact, it is to commend the individuals of the past, present and future for their efforts and dedication in protecting individuals.

And not just my own nation, but for their own, respective homelands.

Without people to protect one another, and with them putting their lives on the line for us, it would be difficult to say that paying due respects to fallen soldiers or even individuals who've been deployed to fight in battles as of late and who are preparing to go off into service - or even individuals who have not been set on their particular paths yet - would be pointless. I, a person of a conscientious mind and a genuine spirit, would like to thank each and every individual for their actions.

They are human too, and while not every single action a political instructor or the smallest and most "insignificant" of the military forces may not be the best and most reasonable choice to us, but it is their choice and in their best judgement, which we simply have to confide in. Because, after all, belief is a form of confidence, and with confidence, we can support our own nation, and others.

So, whether you are capable of reading this message and appreciate it, as a vessel, I would like to forward the wishes and gratitude of all individuals living and being protected by their respective Veterans. We love you and thank you for everything you've done. Without you, our lives would be unfathomably worse, definitely.

If you know a veteran - family member or happen to see one on the street - thank them for everything they've done. If you can [ or want to ], offer them a hug and let them know how you really feel. I'm sure they'll appreciate it more than anything else. Enjoy the time with your families!

<3 ~ Monty
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:: could you [ r e m i n d ] me of a {time} when we were . . so . . . a l i v e ~

There's not much to say: "Franklin" by Paramore is a fantastic song. Paramore is my favorite band - no contest, whatsoever. And "Franklin" is just as tranquil as it gets. It's all about reflection, settling upon a resolution of the time that passes by, while still retaining a considerate contentment. I mean, it's easy to remember days - or forget them, however you take your medicine - but the moments that we do not want to dare to even let slip from our minds are the special ones. The ones that made us laugh, that made us cry - the ones that we hold dear to us. The people they've incorporated are included as well, and, by default, the experiences themselves are a vital point.

A friend of mine requested assistance with preparing a speech. I mention this not for the notion that I am a reliable individual - which I will honestly set aside the modesty to validate - but because of the message of his speech. Upon his discretion, I'd be able to disclose to you the particular instance and mentions of his speech, but the ultimate goal to deliver is his theme: community.

While his term of "community" may stem off in a different regard, his outline definitely did well explaining and relating the word "community" to its audience. At least, I would believe it should. Just for a clear and concise picture, however, dictionary.com defines "community" as:

1.

a social group of any size whose members reside 

in a specific locality, share government, and often

have a common cultural and historical heritage.

That is the "by the book" and straight-edged answer. What we've come to associate with the word is a bit more of the social aspect more so than the limitations and liberties of the people and their environment. Community, to me, is a unit coming together. Friends, strangers - all of the likes within one area. They also share a mutual interest, a mutual goal, that they collectively attempt to fulfill to the best of their interests. Absurd, it'd seem, if one were to say that a community were a lump of beings that constantly struggled against one another for the purpose of destroying the entirety's evident coexistence.

By nature, things are to repel and things are to attract. It is in this truth that we find particular things that we like, and things we do not. Our concept of other people are no different. However, it is because of what they do and, in particular, how they act most oft than not that determines whether they fall into our favor or not. And, ultimately, our friends are individuals who bring pleasure to us, via their mere presence and actions - hence, the significance of the word "friend".

It is important to keep an open mind of those around you. Society has been highlighting particular things that appease many or upset many. Unfortunately, only particular groups are being focused upon, instead of the entirety as a whole. Surely, it is sensible to work from the bottom to the top in essence of fortitude and support and what have you, but it is the largest notion - and no pun intended - to not forget about the bigger picture. With that being said, perspectives expanded, let us return to community.

What is it you picture when you think of community? Disregarding all the distractions that may pop up in your head, what words in particular define a community to you? Do the words fit an ambient and comfortable setting? Family, friends - familiar faces from front forthward, community assures us that it's a nice neighborhood, assures us that we're comfortable and safe - assures us that we're where we belong.

The company you keep should do that for you - assure you that you are where you belong, of course. It's important for you to feel more than welcomed and such, as there is no feeling in the world like the pride and contentment in being needed. And wanted. Not yearned for, and not depended upon, but out of the simple field of a friendship that keeps you on someone's mind at some point of the day. Your friends find you, they talk to you, you enjoy it, do you not? And, even if you should have some kind of discretion that leads to upsets and disappointments, the ground is there for you to pick up your pieces off of.

I hope that imagery settles: when you both are involved in the shattering, you both fall to the ground, and you both need to pick yourselves - and one another, hopefully - to piece yourselves together once again.

Friendships are as fragile as we make them. Strong bonds mean stronger friendships with less restrictions and greater flexibility. The reason why individuals can have best friends across a nation or on the other side of the world and still consider them the closest they've ever encountered, respectively, is due to their confiding in one another. The trust and bonding that they maintain. Friendship is an easy thing to start and have - a good friendship needs a little maintenance work.

And, with enough friendships, your bridges will eventually lead into areas where you already have other bridges - connections. And, by association, you will learn that the world you know is not as big as the world you think of, and that it is a small world indeed: it is your community.

The goal of the speech was to convey community, and with my spin on community given, I tie it further into the particulars of community: knowledge, confidence, communication and, by all means, compassion are only a few of the many avenues of a community.

Knowing what to do, who your friends are, just knowing what to say at whatever instance[s] necessary can build relationships that develop healthily. In due time, knowledge would be gained and knowledge of how to use that gained knowledge would then soon follow. Patience is a virtue, indeed, and it applies to just about everything worth waiting for - nurturing friendships in particular.

Having confidence in yourself and others can contribute to the entire system. Morale boosts come from an obvious change in confidence - from somber to absolutely resolved, people are capable of convincing themselves that anything - even the most unrealistic, irrational beliefs that they've fabricated themselves - can be true with just enough confidence. Confidence is a key ingredient in building one's own social component, and to lead into assisting the construction of a community.

And, from the confidence point, I'd just like to make a side anecdote. As par the regular experiences we've all shared, we grow from infancy into the stages of our lives: toddler, child, adolescent, pubescent, young adult, adult, and elder adult. There's always a progression in our lives, in one way, shape, or form, and there isn't much of anything we can do to change it. Taking the thoughts of life's progression and applying them to practicing something is a bit awry, but it's very similar: practice a sport or use a language or even repeat an action long enough and it will eventually refine itself and become better.

Rehearsals are getting better, I'll admit. And, not just for me, but the entirety of the cast. As we're learning together - albeit at different paces, some of us already with a head start - we've developed as a unit. As a community. And, today in particular displayed our progress. Performance on the second run-though [ after a set of intensive notes that were as definite as they were general ] proved to be a great improvement. And, as par custom, we were all loving one another as we normally would.

It was just today, knowing that the show's in about a week's time and knowing that we're excited to perform, our confidence amplified just about everything. That is, once we had it together. A surprise came to me when people did commendably so, and then the comments flowed my way as well. One individual, in particular, commented on my own performance, which apparently impressed him. The infamous Nicholas Siccone apparently couldn't stop smiling during my piece [ which was a drastic change, I'd presume ], and while I coolly didn't stumble for words in response, I'm certain it was more than apparent that he's like to be the most capable of the lot of us.

Swoon, swoon. Remember Samantha? First days of rehearsal, we all would mew in awe of the voices. Oh, the impressive and remarkable voices. Nick's was no different, and while I revered his skill - even as he may dismiss such appraisals - I wouldn't imagine the day when he commended my own. Not because he seemed to be condescending - not in the least. But... Y'know. It's just one of those things you don't think about.

And, with that feedback, I've a better understanding of my own self. Communication between myself and other members of the cast have made things much better, socially and performance-wise. I don't know how others consider their friendships to resolve, but mine do not: I would imagine that a friendship lasts as long as individuals consider themselves friends, so if you and I are friends - undefined by your status on any sort of social networking system to brandish and showcase who are in my keep - we will be friends until you or I have any discretion or issue with the notion.

And, knowing me, I won't have any issues with you.

And, knowing me, I won't let there be any issues for you to have with me.

It is not necessary to change yourself, to mold yourself to others and their fickle demands or pleasantries. However, do embrace who people like you for - the things you do, the things you say. Share what you have in your mind and your soul to better the community as a whole. Sharing is a portrayal of your commitment to compassion, the last point I'm going to discuss.

With all aspects of compassion in mind, it is good to keep a community healthy. When individuals are capable of relying on one another without a fright gripping at their hearts, a lot more is capable of being done. Why get offended by something when it was not intended to be directed towards anyone in any kind of negative manner? Why consider yourself lesser than other individuals entirely when you're just as remarkable as they are, only separated by the path effort and hard work they've already trudged, or need help, along?

Do you consider your circle of friends at school a community? What do you do within your community? Are they actual activities or behaviors of a communion with a feeling that radiates homage. Are you comfortable within your community?

Is there anyway to expand your community to incorporate all of those around you?

If you think of something, don't keep it in your head. Share it with someone and give your feet some purpose.

"Ora na azu nwa."

"Se requiere de todo un pueblo para criar a un niño." 

"يقتضي وجود قرية كاملة لتربية طفل." 

"它需要整個村莊養育一個孩子。" 

"Quaerit puer totum pagum movere."

"It takes a village to raise a child."

- African Proverb 

<3 ~ Monty

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