we . never . change ; do we ?

Ah!

It's another new year! It's another new moment in another new day of our lives.

Coldplay - "We Never Change"

People are partying, people are sleeping, people are hugging, kissing, walking through doors, and even just lounging on their hinds. People are making a myriad of resolutions, some repeating, some fresh and new; people are making promises and reinventing themselves to what they think is right, what they think they need.

res·o·lu·tion      [rez-uh-loo-shuh n]

noun

1. a formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group. Compare concurrent resolution, joint resolution.

2. a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

3. the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.

4. the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.

5. the act or process of resolving or separating into constituent or elementary parts.

Makes sense that if it's based on one's will, determination, and focus, that it needs to be made annually.

Mine is to be me. All the qualities that I believe I embody, that I need to exercise, that I need to portray and become in order to be the person I want to be.

Simple things like honesty, passion, understanding, courage, strength, humility, and so forth. It sounds like both a facile and arduous resolution, but there'll be a happy medium that I manage to  walk along, I'm sure.

There's a promise to just about every person I've made that involves me waking up every morning. I shall make the most of each and every morning, and thank at least two people as frequently in the morning as I'm capable for giving me the reasons that I wake up each day. I'll try my best to give each day my all, for I would expect no less from anyone else in my position.

I want a better focus, a better intent to my efforts. A better outcome of my projects and better relationships of my communications. I'll work to be the better me with the help of strangers, friends and family.

I'll show the world my worth.

I'll show it to myself.

Happy New Year to you all. Hope you have a safe and blessed year and many more to come.

<3 ~ Monty.
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The holly, jolly spirit.

Christmas is never over ~

Merry sentiments and happy tidings~! 

Happy holidays!

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`` i don`t want to fall [ fall ] fall { F A L L } :: a s l e e p . . . . . ``

Chris Brown - "Don't Wake Me Up"

- A b s o l u t i o n .

I feel strange.

I've been talking with friends, more so than normal, about certain topics. Some specific and some pertaining to broader subjects, but all relating back to me in some manner.

One thing I found particularly intriguing about myself is that I never could kindle some sort of sentiment for people. I mean, I'd say I'd miss someone or remember them, and I'd know it was true or that my expression changed from the compulsive focus, but I never felt the warm fuzziness in my heart for everyone. Granted, I have different relationships for each of my friends, and some memories I hold more fond than others... But.. I just find it weird that there isn't a baseline pinch in my gut or tickle in my feet when I say I miss someone.

I recently have been speaking with one of my good friends who is going through some hardships in their lives. Of course, everyone's going through a rough patch here or there, but this individual's got me snared by the brain: I usually know what to say or how to say it, but when they rattled off their concerns, their issues and inner musings to me, they left me dumbfounded.

They already knew and stated all the things I needed to say. And, to say the least, it makes me feel useless.

But it's a good learning experience.

This song came on Spotify one day, and I actually wasn't intending to develop any ties to it. But it wafted right in front of my face, and I thought I could do something nice and raw with it, so I'm going to look into it. Then I put it on InfiniteLooper and I transcribed the lyrics.

I stared at them and reveled in the defrosting epiphany that I didn't need to force any sort of sentiment ever.

There are certain people who grip my nerves, my heart and my mind better than others. Some are aware while others most certainly have no clue. And my invulnerability to that vulnerability has always been to turn a cold shoulder - and, in turn, freezing over my internal fire and the epiphany that glows with it.

My friend also admitted how much fear factored into their concerns and dilemma. What they were afraid of being capable of and what they would do if worst came to worst.

I gave my twopence, that it would never have to get that bad, that they would never have to stoop that low, but then I realized myself just how basic the human needs are.

And the conditions people live in to meet those needs sometimes never even phase me.

This is something I haven't finished exploring yet, how to face this dilemma, and even though I can shine as much light as I can reflect onto the dark spots, there are always corners where my light won't reach - always things I won't know entirely. But it's okay, because no matter what comes my way, there's always a way around it.

I missed my good friends from home. It's good to see them ago. It's good to come back home and see they're good and well and that they're having as much fun with their lives. That they're not suffering or that they're not becoming people I never knew.

I miss the people I never got to know as well as I probably wanted to.

I miss the people who make me feel special and the people who make me feel lesser than myself. I  miss the things that used to be and the things that could have been.

But when all things reconvene, when I see things fall into place, I'll remember what it was like to find those feelings, those sentiments.

But for now, we'll play it by ear.

And play the cards in my hand I know can get me to the next round.

Well. Friends are back, and we're going to hang out.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

`` the war is over . . . . ~

The Dance Within The Music: "The summary of a sad, happy girl."

"Recovery"

We need sleep.

We get up every morning and look for some sort of change to our lives. But, each day, we power through it all, expending the energy we take from outside into our bodies and needing to start it all over again.

We lay down our heads and close our eyes, escaping to a land where we don't look for anything, where we don't expect anything and where we can't discover anything.

Because everything we want and need is already inside of us.

Innate, the best traits are. A smile, a mind, a heart and a soul comes along with your delivery. Storage space goes for all the other materials that didn't play a crucial part in your manufacturing.

Best part?

They don't expire as long as you need them.

"Recovery"

We need reminders. We need things to tell us notions, phrases, words, topics, ideas that we already know, that we already understand and fully comprehend. Though, as if it goes without mention, we all expect one another to fully oblige and declare that it is all new-found information.

We battle through each day, expecting these perks to amplify our day. The greatness of our imagination spurns our desires from reality, leading it into something that we, ourselves, never once imagined, but what an outside force has influenced for us to believe is par custom - is part of our innate traits.

We're equipped with an endless surplus of love, of hate - of knowledge, of ignorance. Only when catastrophic events strike do we convince ourselves that any damage is irreparable. However, there are miracles, and miracles don't happen without an ounce of hope.

Without an ounce of hope.

 One of my good friends wrote this passage. They then confronted me to produce advice, to produce some sort of response that would appease them and give the girl in the story some sort of direction.

To you, sad, happy girls and boys, I say just be.

It's hard to find your identity as it is. It's so difficult to endure the years of schooling, the expectations, the slandering, the dramatic displays, the personal falters and even the massive mysteries that inflict the grander scheme of things.

Why would you want to drag yourself even deeper into the depths of the abyss?

I always say there's only up from here. However, receding into a ball or on all fours, completely humiliated and stripped of all respect is a bit lower than the starting point.

But, think about it this way: who doesn't fall to their knees every once in a while?

The passage presents a girl with some turmoil, with a struggle that she seemingly cannot resolve with any inner enlightenment or outer instruction. Advice is only as good as you make it to be, though sometimes reiteration assists in a different angle of things.

The best thing to do is to appreciate it.

Appreciate the place you're in, how disgusting you feel, how horrible your life seems to be, and how abhorrent you seem to yourself. Don't go so far as to make yourself pathetic, because you most certainly are not.

Y o u       a r e      h u m a n .

By appreciating this standpoint, this level which is evidently lower than the rest, you'll find something that makes you unique - like the ineptitude to breathe properly when touching the surface of an awry texture - and which will single you out from the rest of the crowd. Then rediscover your allies, your friends, your family and emphasize your adoration for them.

They wake up every day, they rise from their bed every morning, knowing full and well that their run in the end is not going to be everlasting in this realm, but that the deeds they do and the vibes they send are all that matter.

"I want to become educated to get a job."

"I want to attain a job so I can have wealth."

"I want wealth so I can live."

"I want to live because I need to live."

There are struggles that come in all shapes and sizes, and while we may not be able to catch them at first - while they may knock the wind from our lungs on impact or send us staggering back - remember that we're meant to stand upright.

That we're meant to stand up right.

Appreciate and aspire.

Recover.


<3 ~ Monty.
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