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| Photography by Jonathan Freinberg. JFI. |
Hi. My name’s Darin, I’m 19 and sometimes I like to make people appreciate Life a bit more by just making them smile. I mean it’s easy enough to smile, but then we get tired of smiling and then we find reasons for our misery that never outweigh the strength and potency of a smile, y’know? And even if it’s just a small one, it shows that we’re not broken and that we’re human, that we have people who make us care, who show us that there’s more to life than the monotonous daily routine or the eighteenth con on your list. I write sometimes and people tell me they appreciate my words, but it’s nothing they haven’t heard before.
Simply because I literally breathe the lessons in life I’ve learned from everyone else.
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It's something I never noticed until I spoke with my pal Jonathan "Len" and it was mentioned: we live our lives in phases. Stages, where we crop our identities to the things that appease us. What interests us, what grabs our attention, what demands of us - friends, family, love and all else. The realization came from a simple conversation of music, genres and artists alike, but when I thought years back of how I associated myself, my character and behavior with my surroundings, I found something pretty impressive.
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
- Eleanor Roosevelt. (1884-1962)
I found this quote, stuck it to the image and threw it up on Instagram because I appreciated the effort and cooperation of my friends, Jonathan and Milika, who aided me in my first experience of headshots. I heard this quote back in middle school, but never thought anything of it: social studies and the history of the nation in which I resided never demanded my attention, so I did not associate with it.
"Youth" by Daughter is a very interesting decision for this entry, you might notice. It's a pretty heavy song, its lyrics branding crestfallen humans and applying to the audience in each verse. I used to herald "Who You Are" by Jessie J as "my song for the year." In my final round of high schooling, it was my go-to song for auditions and for developing my talent. It was a solid anchor to depend on, to cast out to sea and keep my boat steady in times of the tumultuous seas. In my first year of university, I found that it not only fit in my hands perfectly like water, but it also matched the palpitations of other beating hearts. Symphonies or skipping CDs alike, the message of the song soon grew into its place and proved to be more than an intelligent decision on Fate's part.
I'd found who I was and was on the right track.
However, as you may or may not have been able to tell, this year was a lot more... adverse to my expectations. I met a lot of people from whom I've learned many things; I've been through experiences I've convinced myself I would love to experience again while others I've vowed and promised myself to protect myself and others from, if necessary. As "Who You Are" found its place in my heart, its message grew into a dogma, though there was something more I discovered I needed.
Because, as per natural human order, the pursuit for happiness is always first and foremost.
I established an identity with the individuals who surrounded me like a halo, blessed and gracious for my existence. I was always thankful for each and every one of them, though I was never truly capable of expressing my gratitude, verbally, physically, emotionally or what have you. All I have to say of that, however, is that I plan on showing each and every one of you in due time. Thank you.
Songs ran through, of course, and I identified with whichever suited me at the time. Presently, however, at the conclusion of my first year of university as a whole, I've found that Macklemore's rise attributes to a knowledge that has also claimed paramount in my mind.
"Same Love" featuring Mary Lambert is reigning on the charts just like it is reigning in my very being.
[ The third verse is absolutely, hands-down my favorite, just for the record. ]
I've learned a lot of perspectives, I've learned a lot of opinions, facts - everything in between that's shared upon masses or in the transition of becoming common sense.
None of it surmounts the truth that a human being is a human being. Whether their choices in life are in good nature or ill-health, even of a personal judgment regardless of society's expectations - what have you - there are many more spiritual battles that need to be won for good.
And I don't necessarily mean spiritual battles that involve a deity or deities, but instead the ones that involve our character, understanding and functions as human beings.
Every morning, I caught a bus into an urban area to do an externship. I do not resent participating in the program in the slightest, for it was a very enriching experience. I heard stories I would have never otherwise experienced. I've seen characters and I've seen the very quintessence of a "good person," if not in their relationship with my supervisor then the way the interact with the individuals within the vicinity. Glimpses, if anything.
This morning, on my last day, I was waiting at a transfer point. As such, many buses come and go. One in particular stopped at its standard stop and many people milled from its doors. With buds in my ears, I usually glance at people and offer them minute graces of easy eyes and a nice grin. A man poked his head out the rear door and nodded at me, attempting to get my attention.
Me, being the silly individual I am, didn't quite understand what he was gesturing with.
He also had buds in his ears - a testament to the tacit nature of humans. In his hands was a cloth-like material, dark and pretty small, but when I followed his gaze, I realized that he was going to toss it to me and I had to chase down a lady who had forgotten it on the bus.
Team work of complete strangers. As he tossed it to me, he nodded, I caught it and hobbled after the lady at the corner of the street, half-filled water bottle swaying in my leg-pocket of my scrubs. It was a nice feeling, coming back to my perch, awaiting my bus, knowing that even such a small little gesture made such a big difference. I mean, sure, she could have had another shawl and that sweater could have warmed someone on the bus who went without, but if you left your phone, wallet or even an umbrella on a bus, wouldn't you appreciate it if someone ensured its safe delivery to you?
Maybe it's just me, I don't know.
I've been hearing a lot of crazy things, too. I don't keep up well with celebrities, news, politics or what have you. I never have time to. I've barely been able to sit down at my favorite place and do what I do best. There's evidence ( or lack thereof ) to back me up!
But a recent dinner with my best pals from high school got me thinking.
There is not a day in my life that I'd wish upon anyone what I've endured. However, I would willingly trade places with someone without question if their future was not as bright.
And then I'd do it all over again for the people I love.
Strangers are unfamiliar friends with similar stories. Sometimes our roads line up, sometimes our cars have really bad brakes and we have near-collisions. Sometimes we do collide. There are a lot of times when we have to depend on another friend or even a stranger to drive us to the nearest checkpoint: blowouts, when we run out of gas, our battery dies or just because our cars aren't made for the conditions in which we have to drive.
Just remember that "the lucky one" doesn't always have to exclude you or me.
The lucky ones who are still breathing might have corrupted lungs that make them heave sometimes.I don't identify with this song, strongly, but I think I know a handful of people who really do. And the "youth" includes every single individual, despite physical condition, social age or mental maturity.
The lucky ones who are still bleeding might have dead feelings that are gone.
The lucky ones who are in love might still be bitter over someone in their past or present.
The youth of our spirits garner the ability to experience life all the same. However, whether we decide to continue "setting fire to our insides for fun" or start repairing ourselves is our choice, just like "you caused it."
I might see a different expectation of tomorrow to come, but for right now, I'm keeping my eyes on the road ahead of me. The reason a windshield is bigger than the rear-view mirror, I've been told, is because our attention is properly focused forth-ward.
Everything in the rear-view comes to catch up with us or veer upon another path in due time.
Do not concern yourself with the ghouls and silhouettes chasing after you, but instead live in your youth and... just live.
You'll thank yourself later.
- Welcome back -
<3 ~ Monty.
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