It'd be nice to read something pleasant for a change . . .
Wouldn't you agree? Well, no worries; here, you don't have to worry about the problems of the world or the biases of a particular individual. The sentiments shared here are intended to appease to the majority of individuals - to please and be an enjoyable experience. If you are upset by something shared, feel free to comment and express, else your voice be unheard - and that is something we do not want happening!
Well, it'd be magnificent if I could, like, lend a hand in absolving World Hunger, initiating World Peace, or something along those lines.
Wouldn't it?
Of course, that's a bit out of my reach at the moment. Naturally, my alternative is to do what I can to help make it a better place - for both you and me. I've always been looking to benefit others with my life. Not so much as become a martyr for anything or to completely put myself on my hands and knees to support someone else, but to help them with their perspective and get a better angle, a better light to illuminate the things they can't see.
Support doesn't always come from the right places all of the time, but if you're headed on the right track, everything will line up.
My mom tells me it's impossible, as any practical individual would. I never sought the words of imaginable conviction that would tell me that it would be simply attainable - changing the world or what have you. As a dejected individual, I would have taken that to heart and classify her practicality as berating and hold resentment in my heart for that. Of course, there isn't much of anything else she could have said that would have ensured to implant reality.
I've had quite the few amount of reality checks in my life.
I think I've got the gist of what I'm experiencing yet there are still so many surprises.
That's life.
It's Summertime over here, by the by! In case you haven't already told by the lively music blaring from the radios or from the hazy waves that waft from the asphalt off in the distance on these sunny days. With my prom weekend having already passed, I think this month in general has been a month of both disorientation and also orient about candor: a dual-pronged confusion and simplicity.
But, but, but, but!
Let's get back on track, shall we?
Funny thing is I've seemingly never finished anything what I wanted or what I've needed to. Of course, the obligatory assignments that are demanded from me are, most times, exceptions. But, when I've my personal resolve, it just seems like I have the ambition and intent, just lack the vigor.
It's important to set your sights on something that you know you can attain and are intent on pursuing fully. There may be times when the goal shifts its appearance or its designation or even its distance, but the resolve should maintain the same, and your character should only develop because of it.
I feel like I'm skirting about surfaces, only because this Friday is the beginning of a new kind of weekend for me.
It's not going to be just another weekend. It is our graduation weekend.
Our graduation weekend.
And, of course, there'll be ceremonies from Friday night into Saturday afternoon, so I'm not entirely sure of when I'll be able to get an entry in, but I'll try my best.
The best of four years rolled up into a pretty long night.
I think that's a good goal to settle for, right?
If I can't change the world, I can make my environment and those around me allocate to ameliorate everything around them.
"It's not about what you've done, it's about what you're doing. It's all about where you going, no matter where you've been. Let's go."
It's a step in the right direction, at least.
<3 ~ Monty.
=]
Friday, May 25, 2012
Young Homie - Chris Rene. ( Senior Prom 2012 ; Thursday, May 24th, 2012. <3 )
You ever have one of those nights where you wake up in the middle of the night, go back to sleep, and then wake up again a few hours later? And a few hours after that? And you're not entirely sure of what's going on, but you're wary that your idle state of consciousness isn't anything worth stressing over? And then you wake up again, when you think you're supposed to, but it's not really when you need to wake up?
Yeah. That was Saturday.
The retreat from Friday ended on an amazing note.
But Saturday was even more powerful.
"Ten minutes before call," one of the guys who was familiar with the retreat staff announced. We'll acknowledge him as RO.
The morning was foggy - very much so. I could hear birds from the last time I woke - one of those sporadic instances of consciousness I had inquired of earlier - and it was relaxing, to say the least. The library was more of a cozy environment than I had expected - I suppose the same could have been said for the guys in there.
Because I had woken earlier than most, I got ready. And when I was ready, I just sat on my sleeping bag.
Also, while I am writing this, a few people have popped in to converse; Alex recoiled from his link spammage to say hello, and My Garrett wants me to tell you all that he says "hi."
Very well, then.
So, I'm sitting on my sleeping bag, and I'm thinking. Just because it's a library and I wouldn't really get all that distracted; I didn't want to touch any of the books because I'd end up forgetting where I got them from. Plus I probably wouldn't manage to read them without maiming them in some shape or form.
With the dormant books were the dormant dorm-mates, I suppose you could call them.
RO came in and looked around, surveying the conscious. He warned us to cover our ears.
I did so.
I felt and heard the door slam shut; granted, I was the closest to the door. Regardless, it was quite the wake-up call.
If anyone's still tight about that wake-up call, you might want to get over it. It was RO, true, but it wasn't that big of a deal. It wasn't like you were waking up to a tractor rolling over you or were having a splendid dream that was absolutely excruciating to leave.
That's why we have our imagination.
The last note for the morning is, "yaaay - day starts."
I suppose that must have been facetiousness inspired by the tendrils of emotion that were permeating the library with the woken beasts.
The speeches we had that day were pretty impressionable. Their themes revolved around Love, something that would come back to impact the entire day's experience.
But, before we did anything, we went and grabbed grub.
Best bagels I've had to date, most certainly.
I don't think there was a meal that we went without an AME. And they were all pretty ridiculous. Best part was that CT participated in them, along with RO, LI, and Mr. Rose.
There are "The Four Fs" when dealing with love - loving others, loving yourself.
Freely
It's not an obligation; it should be merely by your personal incentive and desire to be with an individual. Not because of their looks, not because of their social circle, but because of what that person can do for you and what you can do for them - how you can exact a symbiotic relationship while also reflecting the love that we've experienced with our friends, family, and, namely, God.
Fully
Nothing else should detract from this love. The connection should be as strong as can be, and it should involve every fiber of your being. Simple as that.
Faithfully
Incorporating the aspect of faith seems to be a bit shaky for individuals, but this is not only biding in the love that it will stay true and whole, but that it will reflect the path that we are led to follow to love.
Fruitfully
As with most other things, production is usually preferred. Having something produced of this love - great edges brushing against outside influences for their betterment or producing a greater bond between the two in love or what have you; it is all innate in the criteria for love.
We then migrated into the gymnasium, where we had done our icebreakers the night prior. Assembling into the lines of our small groups on the baseline. We were to watch CT as he explained a game to us. It was refreshing, to be in the gym, lively and excited for this game with ping pong balls and pitchers.
Basically, we were supposed to toss the ping pong ball from a hula-hoop on the ground into the pitcher on the ground, as a relay.
It was a bit more difficult than it sounded.
When we first received the ping pong balls, we were instructed to write our sanctuaries on them - the things we do to escape the problems and challenges of the real world. Mine was generic - entertainment. Music, acting, writing - anything to get me thinking about something other than what's going on.
Music was a popular one.
When we had successfully tossed our first into the pitcher, the first individual was allowed to help and hold the pitchers so we could have a more convenient experience. My team should have been declared the winners, but it's whatever, really - the Plum Sloths will always win.
When we were back in our lines, anticipating more excitement, we watched as CT collected our pitchers and rummaged through them. We learned of the anonymous sanctuaries and - while my eyes didn't tear from CT - he held us captive. His voice boomed in the open gymnasium.
The small groups were about ten or so individuals, so ten ping pong balls wouldn't exactly fill up an entire pitcher.
"Does it look full?"
He called the sanctuaries voids.
A vacuum of space - nothingness, emptiness.
The voids we have attempt to fill that formless shape inside us - attempt to resolve whatever it is we are missing inside of us.
He filled up a pitcher with another pitcher of ping pong balls.
"Now is it filled?"
Of course, ping pong balls will leave space between one another, so our answer was automatically a hesitant "no."
He squinted, as if he were inspecting it. "Hmm, here's what I can do. I can get a bigger container - I need more voids!"
And so he did so. Running to the bleachers, he plucked up a bowl and dumped the pitchers in as he pleased. The clattering of the ping pong balls retained the light ambiance of the game we once played, though the message CT was sending was starting to settle in.
These voids wouldn't fill us.
"Is it full now?"
We watched him, shaking our heads.
"No."
He started to berate himself, declaring the need for more, and so he fetched the remaining pitchers of the other groups to pour them in as well.
He grew frantic. He had proven his point, but now the desire to fill his void with more voids was immanent - he would have his way.
And when he realized he couldn't, he turned to us.
Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the
water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to
eternal life."
John 4:13-14.
CT got the urge to fill it with water.
He grabbed a 5-gallon bottle and lugged it over to the display, before us all.
Over he tipped it. The sound of the water pouring into the bowl filled the room's silence, and we all watched the mess he made.
Though, as each drop of water that went into the bowl did, the ping pong balls rose and eventually spilled out, as did the water.
When the last ping pong ball fell out, I had followed the line of thought; CT hadn't recited the scripture just yet, but to provide a better understanding, it was presented for you to read and follow and such.
All in all, we learned that we don't need these voids to try and fill us up, because it'll be a cyclical decline into wanted and needing more materialistic voids that could be seized from our capacities at any given moment.
He kicked away the wet ping pong balls, threw them backwards in handfuls at a time, hollering of their uselessness and attacking what we had guarded ourselves so well with. He then ushered us back into the talk room, and I put my apple back on the tree.
Oh, I forgot to mention. With LN's "In the Beginning" talk, the theme of the Garden of Eden had already been presented when we went from the darkness of the gymnasium, into the light of the talk room. The error was pinned with a metaphorical defiance against God, and so the gesture of removing the fruit from the apple was more... impenitent initially due to the ignorance and humility experienced.
Replacing the apple was the gesture that would not absolve it all, but be the first step in the right direction, as Mr. Rose said.
We would do this when a moment during the retreat sincerely would touch us and open our eyes in enlightenment.
That was the moment I went to hook one of the apples back onto a branch.
The next talk was from QL about family.
She gained the most respect from me, although I rarely spoke to her any. But the things she's endured, the struggles she's had and the person she's evidently become to date is more than commendable; just like the rest of the retreat leaders, she's a trooper.
Also, just had a very nice conversation with my friend, Leanna. Everyone say hello to Leanna! =D
The vast majority of our Saturday afternoon was spent playing games. Like, running around the vicinity to play games and collect pieces of an anagram.
With each group, however, an individual was assigned a handicap by the team's retreat leader; my handicap in particular was being mute. And, as we ventured to each place, we had to do one of the items on the list; we didn't get through all of the activities, but we got enough to figure out what the anagram was.
"Today is the Day"
Back into our small groups we were hustled, and we assembled our anagram without two letters. "H" and "A" were the ones we were missing.
But we had long since figured it out.
We talked about the games as an entire group for a bit, figuring out what we learned from each game. It was a rough start, but soon enough we thought in respect to the retreat.
Then we got a personal witness. Their life was basically the surreal "edge of existence and then pivot and salvation" - it was absolutely captivating. To think that an individual could go through all of that, and the reason for their existence hasn't morphed in the slightest.
Interestingly enough, when CT had mentioned that we were not in it alone - the communal aspect of faith - this witness account exemplified the other community present.
Those invisible hands, that unseen nudge - "the other community present."
The evening was pulled into the talk room, wherein we found mirrors on the ground. We found a spot and did a nice little exercise. MK, as I will identify her, instructed us on what to do, and the prose she recited to us would instigate the thought processes and chain into our consciences.
It's basically what you would do every morning when you looked into the mirror if you stopped to stare at yourself for a good ten to fifteen minutes and just thought things. How you looked, how you felt about how you looked, how you felt about other people and how they think you look. All the buffs against our esteems and confidence that allows us to make room for a more valiant recovery.
Into the small groups room we went, though we wouldn't chat it up just yet. We were to do the same thing we had with the mirrors - this time with a paper and marker.
We were going to make timelines.
Mine was pretty chaotic to say the least. The events that happened in our lives were all over the place in comparison to the prose, though the did bring back some memories that made me smile - good times. [ Coincidence or no? Refer to prior post for the mention of good times being in the past. ]
We left them at our tables after talking about them, and made our way back into the talk room.
Our next talks were of love versus lust and foundations. Earlier in the day, JN had spoken of his turmoil and turbulent years, the desires and the experiences that he endured. It actually caught me off guard, because he's so jovial and genial that he wouldn't seem like the type to have any inner demons.
Perhaps because this was a thing of the past, and now, with Christ as his foundation, he can be as carefree and gleeful as he would allow himself.
It was a really delightful thing to see him laugh the day after.
A spirit that stays buoyant, even after the trials and tribulations that it endures is always an inspiring thing.
Love and Lust were a tag-team by RN and CL.
Interestingly enough, their "defects", going back to LN's key terms, were circumvent of confidence - self-image.
How much they loved themselves.
How much do you love yourself?
Truthfully - do you let what others say about you change your entire outlook on life or does it bounce right off your chest?
I'd like to brandish the fact that everyone is capable of standing strong and letting the world roll off their shoulders and into the palms of their hands.
All it takes is a deep breath.
After another round of small talks with the Plum Sloths, we were invited to grub it up.
I'd pan to the end of the night, where the most impressive part of this entire weekend came into play, but where would the fun be in that?
Besides, now that I'm out of school, I've got all the time in the world to type these up.
"It's
funny that when we was kids they always asked us what we want to be
when we grow up. S.M.H. Look where we at now. Did you live up to your dream?"
I've been in a rut. I could write about anything in the world, but I still wouldn't be able to escape the things I think I'm running away from. Life - it's a challenge, it's tough and it's, by no means, an easy experience.
But, I'll be honest - there are two things that make me genuinely happy. Well, there are plenty of things that make me genuinely happy, but these two in particular are noteworthy:
Baby pictures and memories.
That quote's from a friend of one of my elder siblings who I rarely speak to but am fortunate enough to have crossed paths with. Not for any particular in reason other than that they are a person and I've learned from them - hopefully I've also impacted their life beneficially.
Are you in love with this song yet?
Ryan Tedder's probably one of my musical heroes. His voice just makes you feel valiant, the swelling vibrato of the chorus invigorates you after each sweeping verse. Travy McCoy did well to pop up on my YouTube suggestions with an acoustic version of this song. That, along with this cutscene from a recently highlighted game that Alex has embedded an interest within me of, has risen me out of this rut.
Evidently enough, it was when my brother was playing the game in the basement, and I was sitting with him, on my computer, listening to live acoustics.
It gave me this nice little tingly feeling - you know, that one you get when you know you're not doing everything wrong and the whole world's not actually against you.
Yeah, that one.
Baby pictures are self-explanatory. Some think it odd, while others detest babies - though, I think a candid of anyone as an infant shows the humility and mutual original. It shows the connection no one cares to acknowledge anymore - we were all once young, all young and innocent. Unaware of the world around us, open and willing to learn.
Now we know what we know - finite, definite, final. No one can tell us a thing to sway our thoughts, our convictions - our beliefs.
When our legs were shorter than the torso they carried, when we laughed with a few teeth missing from our mouth and nearly snorted milk from our noses - when we raised our hands eagerly to answer a question in class, or even to ask about something completely irrelevant to the current topic with just as much energy: there were once times when, regardless of where we were, we were all the same.
Our families may have been different, but you were a child with some kind of story. But, even before you were able to understand you had a story, there were people who looked after you, and you didn't have a care in the world.
You hadn't been introduced to hate or disgust, shielded from weakness and sickness.
Baby pictures. They make others think of us as precious keepsakes, even if for only a moment.
How can you be mad at that face? =D
[ that's me, by the by. ;D sexy face? i think soooo~ ]
Baby pictures actually inflict me forever after. Haha. I normally adore people, and when I see them as infants, I almost coo of the cute. But that's besides the point.
Our greater times, as it is apparently human nature, reside in the past. What we're enduring now is simply turbulent only because we're uncertain of what's to happen. There's an objective we're looking to reach, to complete, to attain and, with each curve and bend life throws at us, it pushes us further and further away. It rises buildings and mountains that scrape at the skies, making us feel insignificant and leading us to believe that we're nothing more than nothing - its pure essence.
I'd say that life does the exact opposite.
It's all perspective.
That propulsion away from your goal?
Think of it as a shortcut.
I said that to my inadvertent companion, and they replied: "Yeah, a pretty long one."
Well, nothing's ever as easy as we want it to be. It's better to be satisfied doing a lot of hard work than to be miserable waiting for the next task to pass by. Makes sense, right?
Well, if you've gathered a message from this, let me know what it is.
It's the tenth day of May, and I've yet to settle on a word for Month by Month. I've been up and down on this roller coaster and I've thought many times that I've had enough. Just as many times as I've reached my limits, life's proved to me that I've got what it takes.
"Oh, I get it - it's here to show you the way. To show you that you've got what it takes to get back on your feet and do this thing!"
- Fang, FFXIII.
You know, you'd have to play the game - legitimately sit and play the game [ or have someone as amazing as Alex tell you all about it, because I'm sure no simple walkthrough will do nearly as good a job as he ] - to understand each character dynamic and understand the ups and downs of the story.
Regardless of biases or prejudices, the message lies within the message and simply nothing more. As with the song, let's take another listen through, shall we?
What's your purpose in life? I know I've asked this before, and it's been all over the place as we try to figure out who we are, but if we just sit for a good thirty seconds and stare at one solid surface while we listen to this song, maybe we'll get a nudge in the right direction.
Do you think maybe it's a lot bigger than just today or tomorrow?
What about all of the memories you have - the bridges you've built and the promises you've made?
They're worth sprinting it to the finish line, aren't they?
Aren't they?
FIGHTER - Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder
Just waking up in the morning
And to be well,
Quite honest with ya,
I ain't really sleep well
Ya ever feel like your train of thought's been derailed?
That's when you press on - Lee nails
Half the population's just waitin to see me fail
Yeah right, you're better off trying to freeze hell
Some of us do it for the females
And others do it for the retail
But I do it for the kids, life threw the towel in on
Everytime you fall it's only making your chin strong
And I'll be in your corner like mick, baby, til the end
Or when you hear a song from that big lady
[Bridge]
Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do ya'll?
[Chorus - Ryan Tedder]
Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,
This one's a fighter
[Verse 2]
And if I can last thirty rounds
There's no reason you should ever have your head down
Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds
Hailing from rock bottom, loserville, nothing town
Text book version of a kid going nowhere fast
And now I'm yelling "kiss my ass"
It's gonna take a couple right hooks, a few left jabs
For you to recognize you really ain't got it bad
[Bridge]
Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do ya'll?
[Chorus - Ryan Tedder]
Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,
This one's a fighter
Everybody put yo hands up
What we gonna do? [x7] ya'll
If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get up)
And when your bones can't take no more (c'mon)
Just remember what you're here for
Cuz I know Imma damn sure
Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,
This one's a fighter
'Til the referee rings the bell
'Til both ya eyes start to swell
'Til the crowd goes home,
What we gonna do kid?
I never realized that was what he was saying, for the line in the title of this entry.
Every time I hear it now, it makes me want to cry - but I'm still happy. <3
Because that's exactly what I'm here for.
Oh, and by the way: don't look back at your life like you've done anything and everything wrong. "Everything in life happens for a reason", and your life isn't even close to being over - keep your chin up and keep following wherever it is your heart leads. You're only lost if you let yourself lose sight of the right guide - yourself.
