I never would think that I would be so out of my element.
School has consumed most of my time, as you can see. Not a single entry since schooling's started. Granted, I've learned a lot this year than I have anywhere else in my life. Perhaps it may be attributed to the fact that I'm looking forth with the past in mind, rather than casting it aside. I've found out a lot through my instructors and peers, easily crediting my life lessons to everyone and anyone else.
However, I've found that I'm a bit more selfish this time around.
My education and friends always come first. All else falls to the wayside: the obstacles, setbacks and the sort need not exist. My plate is full yet I fill it with more, I see the storm clouds ahead and I'm always stroking headfirst into the oncoming currents: it's just a personal test of, not only endurance, but my character.
I've lost touch with my senses yet again. Rekindling them would be fantastic, however I've not a friend who clicked as well as one of my older friends had. Unfortunately, bridges crack and crumble from time to time. I simply have resolved, after eons of waiting and attempting to reassemble the bridge on my own, to find another way about living on. There's either another bridge to cross or there's a boat.
If all else fails, I'll dive in headfirst and swim right across the strongest currents I've ever experienced in my life.
With my progress in schooling, most of the selfishness stems from an individual journey I'm being put on. I shouldn't say "being put on," but I would not have started this journey, in this manner at the very least, if it weren't for my instructors. I'll elaborate another time once I've their consent and enough, substantial information to keep you engaged.
For now, the simplicity of checking in with one's self, Physical Awareness as I've learned it, has helped me tremendously. Rather than eliciting a particular emotion on command or manufacturing one from faceless origin, the outlets from which I can extract everything I need are beginning to reveal themselves to me. This is something I can truly appreciate.
You should adhere to your own, best judgement. There are an arrangement of individuals scattered about your life in the places they are for a reason. They are either stepping stones or cliffhangers: it is your stance in relationship to them that governs which are which.
Nevertheless, you should shoulder away any ill will and malice for what good you do may be returned to you in plenty.
I needed this year and its lessons as of yet. I'm making personal bounds and strides. I'm not going to sit here and list all the things I've noticed because they may not be applicable to you in the slightest, and you may not be able to learn, extract or even dissect anything I'm saying due to the lack of interest.
However, the biggest lesson I've learned this year - kin to Senior year of High School with self-identity and Freshman year of University with self-worth - is self-appreciation and -acceptance. Physical Awareness's goal is not to pinpoint what is good in your body or day or mind and focus all your energy within it, nor is it to designate what is bad and horrid and grotesque of your entire being as if they are in need of improvement.
Instead, it is to merely take that standing, good or bad, as a starting point and accepting it. Thereafter, working with it can only bring you in one direction. It's the same direction I've embedded into my personal mantras:
Up.
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| Up was also a very lovely Disney-Pixar motion. |
You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound
There's so much more
You can reclaim your crown
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be king again
- Lauren Aquilina . "King"
I've got more to say. Don't you worry your little heads. Until next time!
<3 ~ Monty.
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