NO i'm not PREPARED , my heart's beating really ......... [ f a s t

Hi.

I feel weird. I fight with my keyboard all of the time to make the letters appear like they're supposed to. Sometimes the letters argue with me and sometimes they mock me: when I get tense, they hesitate and do not appear. They know what I want to say and frustrate me when I just want them to already be on the screen, instead of me pressing deliberately to ensure that what I want to be said is said.

I don't know. I'm happy, I'm great, don't get me wrong. But something's up.

Usually when I'm here, I'm in a mindset that's unperturbed. None of the cold, hissing rules of society press me into corners. None of the extra precautions of my conscience veto my arrhythmic pokes.

I feel like I owe you an apology, but I don't know what for, or why you would even care for one. I offer you thanks instead, for visiting again and reading - whether it's your first time or your fiftieth time.

Thank you.

Yuna - "I Wanna Go"

      [ click me! ]

This summer has been treating me so well. There's a lot of promise in what has already been completed and so much excitement for what is to come. However, July is my month of unfinished business. I made a lot of promises to myself, deals with myself and ultimatums for myself that I probably should have given a second thought to.

I'm really happy because I get to spend almost every day with a very special person who makes my heart skip and jump, scream and shout. I owe him all of the love in the world and can only seem to always express it better through my words rather than my actions. But he knows and he understands and that's a really good starting point.

The heart and center of my world and then me, with some umbrella shadow on my nose.

I'm looking forward to our road trip for our anniversary. I've been on really, really long road trips with my family to Arkansas and Florida, but a family trip is so much more different from going with a special someone. I mean, I wouldn't know because this is the first time I'm experiencing it, but it's got to be, right? I can only imagine so. [ Don't worry, you'll get updates about that closer to the actual adventure! ]

Along with that road trip, I was planning to get a car and road trip over to the West Coast to visit some friends, network and enjoy life along the way. For more reasons than I'd like to admit, I'm deciding to postpone that adventure and leave the remainder of my summer to just enjoy it before my final year of university.

I've seen so many updates on the lives of my friends from the other side of the pond. A special congrats to them for graduating from St. Mary's. Most of them are Drama students and I'm so proud and excited for their colleagues. Especially the ones who will be graduating at the same time as me!

So, so, so. Get this. I'm really pleased with how this busy summer has also been very kind to me. I've loved just about every moment. I've been writing more music, discovering myself with my guitar [ Laura, I still have Ruby and she's doing so good ] and finding the courage to share the parts of it that likes to peak out into exposure. It's weird, because I've been attempting to shed my self-depreciating and overly-concerned mindset.

One of my dearest littles, Kaylee, has adopted a mindset that is very similar to the one I would like to reintroduce into my life. Easy, caring and tranquil, she has become so well-grounded that her presence is blooming so beautifully. Speaking of littles, happy birthday to the one who almost did me in once-upon-ago. And, for the equality of love, a special mentioning of my third little, Mikey-Mike.

We went hiking at the Delaware Water Gap last weekend. It was really nice.

My Widdles (L to R.)
Kaylee, Meeee, Mike, Kyle.

Along with that adventure - which consisted of a lot of rock-tripping and a cute lunch by a waterfall - I got to cherish a car ride, bonding and memoir-retrieve with these three amazing human beings. Super glad to have them in my life.

With this good energy effecting nearly everything in my life, I'd like to just acknowledge that there's a consequence for good people who put out more good into the world. Such is the case with a wonderful friend I've serendipitously made while in the streets of the Big Apple.

I was meandering about, trying to find my location for my first rehearsal and I ran into a friend [ Cara ] of a friend [ Lenny ] who has become my friend, with two of her friends [ Samuel and Matt. ] Incidentally enough and much to our mutual belief, Cara and I did one of those weird "double-take-because-there's-no-way-in-any-global-locations-it-could-really-be-you" things and then freaked out. Just a little bit. And because her friends were so gloriously amiable and recently graduated, I welcomed their warm eyes and bright smiles. They looked equally as delighted to make a new friend, even if they thought Cara and my greeting strange [ which it most certainly was, with squawking and flailing and a photo of each other, "not with each other?" I could just hear the judgment in Sam's voice. ]

Well, me being the incredibly friendly friend-making friend I am found some pictures that Cara put up of their recent graduation and, seeing their completely goofy selves before the lenses contrasted to the absolutely cool and collected demeanor they shared earlier. Matt and Samuel soon became friends with yours truly.

After a couple of conversations about film-related matters, Samuel shared a really interesting project he's heavily involved in. And like all things that intrigue good-hearted people, I share with you to see if it'll get you just as intrigued and involved!

The Noon Project

I could tell you all about it and blab on and on about how I admire their pursuits and encourage and support them fully, but that would take away the fun of you exploring them for yourselves. If you have any questions, though, you know where to find me - and it - so just drop a line!

Well, I think it's really awesome that people pursue their passions and care to share it with others, but what gets me so adamantly supportive and intricately encouraging is the fact that not enough people pay attention to the good in this world. We'll share a horrible video or some drama-instigating words but not nearly as many altruistic deeds or efforts - and if they are, they're of puppies meeting kittens [ and I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, because I mean c'MON THEY'RE PUPPIES AND KITTENS. ]

Let me know if I'm wrong, though.

So. Today's video [ that Sam immediately reminded me was online and encouraged me to check out when I announced that this particular blog entry was underway ] was about Freedom. If you go and check out the page, you can watch the video yourself and then following my corresponding thoughts hereafter.

Things might get really abstract, friends. Sorry in advance.

To me, Freedom is a smooth and unadulterated heartbeat in a constricted ribcage.
It's about the colors blue and black blending with white and red and coming out to gradients of yellow or green or silver and white without any abhorrent distortions.
It's about the smile on a dirt-matted face of an elder and the happy hands of a child sifting through waters, crystal clear.
It's what we are given at birth and immediately objectively cocooned with: there are no nutrients to help us develop the Freedoms and when we finish our metamorphose, we emerge with no clue how to flap our Freeing wings.
It's a sound that bounces into our ears and does not jar our bones or clatter our nerves - instead, it twists us in grace and sends us into a soaring sensation of joy and bliss.
Freedom's something special that cannot be weighted by its denotation or connotation and transcends the farthest reaches of the Earth.

I thought about what it would be like to go to the complete opposite of the Earth and find a person who spoke a language that in no way, shape or form could conform or reform to a degree of comprehension to any of the ones I could understand and finding a way to laugh and share with that person: this is what Freedom, to me, is and could be.

I think it's really important to share ideas. All Spring Semester, I learned about the importance of the Marketplace of Ideas - a concept in communications that is ideally protected and established by one in the same First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States. By no means am I a political-specialist or any type of government-circumvential individual, but what I've learned from the Marketplace of Ideas is that everyone is free to say and share what they believe is important to them. Wherein, it is important to identify what is important and legitimate to the Marketplace, but no one should have the right to impede on such a structure that involves the path of someone's life.

If someone believes that clouds represent the thoughts of angels fabricated to protect all the things of the Earth from the harsh and accusing truths of light and dark, then they should be able to enjoy their life-choices made with that as free in their minds as anything else.

I just think it's nice to share, to smile and laugh. Dreaming's for people who know their minds are bigger than their bodies. It's for people who know how to live longer but don't need to because they've already gained the truths they've needed to make it as far as they have. And for all the places they haven't yet gone or the words they haven't yet spoken, Freedom serves as their enabler to enjoy the rest of their lives as they see fit.

Not everyone has the luxury, true, but this is because it's seen as a luxury. 

I'm going to be on a radio station tomorrow.

I know, weird transition, but I have been thinking about what I could possibly talk about while I'm up there, but it's completely out of my nature to babble on and on about myself. It's one thing to find a way to write about myself, but going in blind and talking to my fellow interns for a company I'm interning at this summer? It's completely out of my element.

I think having this in mind when I go to IBN tomorrow [ 7/22 ], I'll be a bit more settled in my chair.

So, if you're interested in the company, it's here.

Youth Empowerment Summit, Unlimited

It's not like a normal broadcast. They gave me two landline numbers to call if you want to listen in or if you want to call in and speak on the air, respectively. Below they are listed.

IBN Listen-In Number

(732)832-8036

Call-In Number

(800)862-9164

I'm pretty sure it's at 2 p.m. EST. Or 4 p.m. Hm. Let me check.

While I'm waiting, my two boys - Igor and Mark - are living it up. Mark's interning over in California with a very renowned company and Igor is road tripping with our darlingest Emma to deliver her safely to California. I miss them both so much, Emma too, and am very happy I get to live with them this year. And~! Our favorite giant, Cody. This is going to be the best Senior Year I could ever ask for. I can already feel it.

I actually feel it in my bones. And in the back of my head. Pulling me forward, but like a falling sensation. Do you ever experience stuff like that? It's weird, right? Happens really rarely. Like, maybe two other times, this has happened. Just feels like really nice vibes to me.

Anywho, I've covered just about everything I think I wanted to cover. A part of me wanted to talk about trust and the heart, so I will.

Oh and it'll be live- the broadcast - at about 3 p.m. So that settles that.

But yes. The heart. And trust.

I feel like I've grown very much in my capacity to trust, as well as my unconditional love. This, to me, would have been unfathomable probably a year or two ago. But I've learned so much and have seen so much that imagining myself in a myriad of conditions wherein I'd have to turn the other cheek or extend a hand or pull someone in for an embrace does not even make me cringe. It might not mean much to you, but it's important to me.

Sometimes you have to let your hand get run through with their knife to let them realize the deed done and patch it back up. It's better they learn and realize in a safe environment that will nurture and repair a friendship as opposed to lashing out with their blade and having it turned to their neck. If you know of agape and possess it, then let it be Free. Let it breathe.

Unwrap it from your bleeding ribcage and learn to love.

Yeah, that's it. I'll let you know how the radio thing goes in next week's entry: Friday is my younger brothers 13th birthday, then Saturday is Kaylee's birthday shindig.

I leave you with a blast from the past for month number seven.

"Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity"

 Before you begin, wash your hands thoroughly with pure, unsaturated gratefulness, unblended admiration and compassion-concentrate. After drying them with the acceptance of the world around you, you may prepare the appliances:

7. Stir steadily with an instrument of action. Do, don't think upon everything. Get out of your comfort zone for a few days or weeks or months and try something new that will not only make you feel alive and well, but will also bring you good karma and prosperity.

Seems like this stirring's been happening on its own. Hope it comes out really good. Do summer right: be happy and stay happy.

<3 ~ Monty.
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