a hole for us to grow there in their light .

Happy 2014.

It came.

And it went.

Last December [ my last entry for that month dating on the 8th - "You Are Part" - The Human Heart ] I had the honor of performing in a wonderful, heart-touching cabaret. It was an incredible experience and, for some strange reason, it feels like more than a year ago.

This December, I spent the last couple of weeks of my semester in England. Then, I came back from England in time for Christmas and got to spend time with some friends, some family and the love of my life.

I wish there was a way to just... combine every image I have taken over this year and have each moment be so significantly acknowledged, because this was an incredible year. Not only did I grow as an individual, but I've gotten opportunities to travel out of my element with some friends.

I started this year with a recipe for becoming a better human, a better example, a better living creature. I called it:

"Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity"

 Before you begin, wash your hands thoroughly with pure, unsaturated gratefulness, unblended admiration and compassion-concentrate. After drying them with the acceptance of the world around you, you may prepare the appliances.

Source: "Hoping You'll Come With Me [ January 3, 2014 ]

From one to twelve, I number it. It was modeled to be exercised over the span of the year. Sometimes I stringently followed it. There were also times where I failed to even acknowledge it or this blog because I was too busy experiencing what life had thrown at me. Then, as the end of the year came, I was blessed enough to have the experience I feared would break me, make me.

I'll get to that later, and just like anything else, if you want to know specific details or in length want to hear me go on and on about it, feel free to contact me. I have more things to share with you all here, on this spectacular New Year's Evening.

"Into Giants" - Patrick Watson

 This is what I'm jamming to, bringing in the New Year.

New Year, New Year, New Year, New Year.

I'm excited. I'm excited for what's to come, I'm excited for what's already happened, even.

I found something pretty interesting and powerful on one of the social media websites I frequent.

Alert: this link contains strong language that might be considered as offensive or profanity. Just so you guys are aware and go into it knowing; because I like to refrain from keeping obscenities in this happy place.

Source: Twitter user "So Damn Relatable (@Relatable)"

This was supremely powerful. It made me scroll back up as soon as my brain registered the first line and few words there after. It escalated, with justification to do so, because this is something that would and should infuriate people. It's something that is much bigger than all the nonsense that usually bothers us - like the privileges we get from our families, from our countries, from our educations, from our occupations.

Last week, I settled on the fact that we'd never be able to obtain world peace, that we'd never feed World Hunger.

A wise man once told me to "never settle for anything."

And then I got a whiff of something brilliant, a second wind for this year, if you will.

Reflecting on my amazing experience and how appreciative it made me of all the things and people and places and ideas and events in my life, I realized that there were probably other people on this planet who thought the same thing, and this was probably why, for the pace that our lives are lead, the progress for things that can be solved like these is as it is.

Unfortunately, there was another thing I found to kick me back into gear.

It's a bit of a read, but when I found someone shared this on the same site, different user, I paid every little detail the utmost attention it deserved.

 "TW. Suicide, transphobia 17yo trans girl's heartbreaking suicide note - and her mother's announcement. I feel sick."- @LibrarianBoi

 

"TW. Suicide, transphobia Parents: DO BETTER. Love your children. Respect their identity, honour their choices. Treat them as human beings."

Source: Twitter user "Trans Boi Princeling (@LibrarianBoi)" 

I've posted the image in here as well so that you can read it easier.

You can say what you will, we'll never understand individual problems until we're in the shoes of the individual experiencing that problem.

There's an issue with this society, Leela's right. The fact that people are getting shot and that the news covers this more frequently than endorsing - no, educating - citizens of the good that they can do. Instead of having a natural inclination to harp on the bad, we should harp on the good; I've mentioned this and went into depth about it in my F. [ November 25, 2014 ] entry.

I have no reason to condemn the parents nor their child. That's not what I'm bringing this up for.

I'm mentioning it because I just wish I was someone that had been in Leela's life.

I may be no martyr, no Messiah or figure of hope for all of mankind, but I do make sure that every individual in my life knows with great confidence that I love them and that they are very significant to my life and memories - and even my future. Without any of the people I have encountered - seasoned readers will be able to easily quote me when I say - that I would not be the person I am and I would not be living the amazing life I am today.

I just wish that there was a way I could reach out to the people that are hurting, that are lost, that are clueless and let them know that they're never alone. Even if they're not religious or spiritual or emotionally driven to bother with hope and its many benefits, I'd just feel satisfied knowing that I could talk to them like everyone else in my life, ask them how their day was, have a random conversation about a meal they had during the day, the places they want to go, the people they have met and the stories they have in their head.

I have a knack for running around and finding people with creative minds. Or, at the very least, helping them tickle their creative aspects and incorporate it into the other components in their lives.

Leela would have not guaranteed that she would not have committed suicide even if she did speak to me. But, I would have had the possibility of at least doling out truth and peace to her that she could have spread to other people. Love is something that, without any strings attached, can spread faster than some people might realize.

An open heart and an open mind keeps the flow of communication going.

I wanted to briefly bring that up. I spoke with one of the biggest individuals of strife in my life of it today and they gave me the retort, "if it was supposed to be a certain way, human beings would have two reproductive organs," essentially. I quickly replied that there are such things, hermaphrodites, and that they are scientifically existent, that they can operate in society and the only reason the word has any sort of connotation to it other than its scientific purpose is because of a stigma that has been placed upon it.

We don't condemn the word "pencil" or "pebble" or even "map," so what's the difference between one word and another word? It's just there for us to communicate with.

There are some things I don't understand yet, and those will come with time and maybe I will be able to answer some of my own questions. However, as it stands, there is only one solution to many of the obstacles I have faced in my time and that is something I'm growing to further the definition of, and that's "love."

Good.

Peace.

Happiness.

Sharing.

Completion.

I have someone remarkable, someone hilarious and compassionate and beautiful and wonderful, in my life. He's currently cleaning his room, wearing a silly trapper hat indoors and listening to the music of his people. He's done a pretty good and quick job, seeing as how he started when I was a few paragraphs away.

It just so happens that he's male.

It just so happens that he's from a town over.

It just so happens that he loves me too.

Because I do love him, and there's nothing anyone can tell me otherwise.

I'll consider what people have to criticize my relationship for when they're actually in it with me. Until then, I will continue to share this love I'm exploring with all of those around me, as my special someone is reminding me to.

Hope all of your holidays were amazing and that you all had a wonderful year, whether you remember your resolutions or not. And when you make the half-hearted ones for this upcoming year, never forget those who helped you reach this point in your life so that you have the opportunity to make this hope, this promise to yourself that you'll become better in some aspect.

Acknowledge the fact that you're a beautiful human being, that you are surrounded with good, and that you can do so much with your life - no matter your circumstances.

I say it from the bottom of my heart to all of you this may reach before the new year or even those who will see it in the future: Thank you for every single thing you have done for me, for those dear to me, for yourselves, for our future on this planet. I am humbled by the beauty in this world, but the potential of good that I have in my immediate environment and the amazing world that's around all of us.

Never shed a tear because you're frustrated and angry at the world.

Shed a tear because you now know, with confidence, that you possess the love to help fix it.

It'll be like putting pieces to a puzzle together, but there's more than one of us here for a reason.

For many reasons, actually.

Let's do this.

Here's to 2015!

12. Take a moment to admire the changes you've made. It's not easy as cooking, per se, but it most certainly is doable. And not too many people follow the instructions. Some may waver, some may find faults and mend it to their own, come up with better or worse results - some may even end up with the same heart that they started with. After you spend about a few winks of your eyes, a few tears of admiration and the same gratefulness that bathed the heart before all else, fit the heart right back where it belongs and your body in the place it belongs. Your mind will have recalibrated to accommodate the matters of your new body, and you can enjoy your self-promotion, progress and positivity. Serving size contingent upon the willingness and capacity of your heart.

I mean, I still can't cook, but I've made a pretty good dish, I'll say. I'll try this again come tomorrow, and we'll see how the new year takes us!

God bless you all and may you all have a wonderful life ahead of you. Thank you for being part of this year for me and for yourselves. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yours truly,
<3 ~ Darin F. Earl, II.

F.

Let me just preface this by saying one thing: I'm not one to keep up with current trends or follow fads and topics to gain attention, but there is an issue at hand that calls for not only social intervention but also a conviction of mankind to acknowledge, admit and absolve itself of.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Some nations encourage that freedom of opinion while others encase their social politics for the sake of their national standing, how they present themselves to outsiders. Some just completely suffocate the validity of opinion and individuality and constrict humans, full of wonder, free will and creation, to the mandates of tradition and law.

We are humans, not machines.

I woke today with a sudden inclination to write, to share. So I'll let you know that this entry has come from my day-long stream of thoughts. Currently I'm at breakfast ( still in England ) finishing off a cup of yogurt ( "yeogurt" / "yoghurt" ) with five other study abroad students who I've come to grow close to and learned so much about and from.

Genuine hearts and reciprocal parts to this England experience.

I have been reading so much social media juxtaposition on the "social injustices." People like to share their opinions, as they rightfully should, and it's brought a lot into perspective for not only myself, but those who comment and remark on the display as well.

After a pretty beautiful day of getting errands done and keeping to my own, I met with a group of my classmates to work on one of our assessments. We communicated, shared our thoughts and got it on its feet. At the end of the brief interval, we bounded off for a brief lunch together and then caught the train to class, which was off campus in a really gorgeous, wooden theater, together.

The class was really refreshing and it was a change of pace, my spirits were lifted. It warmed my heart to see everyone in such good spirits just because the day was nice - cold and biting, but still better than being a nightmare of the homeless and blind and starving and individual who fears life without love. By the end of the class, my mood lilted; most likely because of the downpour that happened, but the walk back, despite getting drenched, was very cleansing.

I came back to campus with an open heart and an appreciation of everything in my life.

What amazes me is that no matter what happens, people in a specific mindset will harp on either the bad or the good. The best thing in the world could be on its way, but it's all "opinion-based," as my good friend Fortune stated. He said that there are different definitions, different perspectives of evils and that his evils could be different from my own. Naturally, the categorical imperative which Immanuel Kant established and coined, serves to acknowledge that there are universal truths, including universal and objective evils. But why there is a fascination with the evil first and foremost bewilders me.

We do not wish bad things upon ourselves ( unless a particularly sadistic example floats in to challenge this, ) but we openly and half-heartedly, or wholly at times, wish ill upon others.

Why not wish good?

Why not keep communications cordial?

Personal endeavors, subjective experiences do not reoccur unless you line up the possibilities and choices in the same, repetitive order - which is impossible because nothing is ever seen the same exact way twice. Nor can it happen exactly as it has before.

So refrain from declaring that things can't change because that's how they are.

Returning to my room and getting things done - like rehearsing for an audition tape I'm going to have to eventually work on or something and arranging my cluttered week - preceded me resuming ( or attempting to ) this blog. As it stands, I was not intending to take a particular stance on the event and the ruling, but I saw a few things on Facebook that merely accumulated.

I said it before and I'll say it again: people are entitled to their opinions. It even goes without saying that the world needs some level-headedness, and while I'm here, in England, trying to figure out how to break out of my four-planed knowledge of art, I'm constantly reminded of the safety, precautions and shelter that my mother consistently persisted to maintain during my childhood and uprising.

This is the exact crap that our mothers told us about.

My mother shouldn't worry about me walking on a sidewalk and being grouped together with an assortment of connotations because of the deeds of others. Be it with a gender or a race or an age, any demographic unofficially declared to scientifically or psychologically hold the genes to repeat those same deeds, I do not belong with people who are not me.

Neither do you.

You have a specific name, a specific identity. "Identity theft" is called that because why? Because it is stolen from you. Just the same thing occurs when you are no longer an individual, but just another face in the crowd.

I have not been keeping up. I'll be honest. I've been too busy worrying about keeping my head afloat in England and learning all I can and trying to make the best of an amazing experience, which is easy enough.

My mother should not worry about me while I'm over here. She does, but she shouldn't worry because other people would cause harm to me for any specific reason. Instead, she should be worrying about personal issues, like my apparent struggle with romantic interests ( don't worry, I know what my life plan is, she just has something different so we're trying to come to a consensus ) or my support through the rest of college because I'm working hard to make sure I can provide for her like she has provided for me.

What if I couldn't provide for her?

What if I was stopped in my tracks and she never heard from me again?

The next thing she had to hear about me was that she never could see me march up the stairs again or that she wouldn't get to eat another meal with you?

I never warrant violence for any reason. The playful banter, the shove and flick, but never a fist or a weapon drawn to inflict pain, hurt, discomfort, intimidation or anything else possible. One off he posts said this:

"For all you saying '#blacklivesmatter,' please stop playing the race card. You keep it up and this country will never be over racism - you do it to yourself."

This was prompted by a click on the name, but the next status visible was this:

"I have an idea. How about we separate black and white. Yeah that's it! Have all the black cops in an all black town and all white cops in all white town and then see how you'll still have teenagers get shot and killed. And you'll see it has nothing to do with race. How is that? By the way, I saw a commercial the other day with only dark-skinned people... Should I be offended?"

You know, some times you just wonder why you're ever friends with people. Then the answer, very clearly, lays itself on a silver platter and slides right into your lap. From out of nowhere.

The only response I have to this is that this individual is studying law.

One of my friends from university said this:







That speaks for itself, most certainly, doesn't it?

Another, a high school familiarity:








Where things fall, others may rise in it's absence: when things don't work out or seem to veer off path - like, I don't know, maybe let's say a hope for mankind - a shift in gears usually helps a change occur.

People speak and say a lot of things. But the worth of a human, I thoroughly believe, is invaluable with consideration of their actions as valid.

Don't surround yourself with your thoughts, put them up for people to believe this is what you think, and then never endorse peace, love and compassion for one another with an ultimatum of selfishness. That is simply one thing that cannot fly.

Not that I'm saying anyone is intending to do that or is presently doing so - I'm just forewarning, dissuading.

The last quote I saw ( it was about the second or third, actually but I wanted to arrange this last because it's the one I can understand the most ) comes from one of my good writing friends:








And it was slammed right on the head. Of course, protests, riots and the works work occasionally, but I think this is a battle that should be fought with an internal makeover first.

People who hate should learn to love. People who take should learn to share.

People who don't know can learn to learn.

It's not hard. A smile. A decent conversation. Spread love. Spread joy. Your neighbor might be plotting to take your land and cover your spouse, but you still are a brilliant, intelligent, capable human who has yet to be judged eternally by your sins and your rights.

That's it.

The system is evidently askew. It's apparent by the number of things that make it seem extraordinary - the errors, the conflicts, the political strife, the social grief - all of these things tie into one thing I hypothesize that is wrong with the judicial system: it's judgment isn't truly just.

If a person is ruled by their laws and deeds, the good they do in their lives should also weigh into determination of whether or not they receive punishment or are absolved of an accused infringement of the law. Of course, this would seem invalid, because people can do good in so many tiny degrees or can feign goodness just to cover the lying they do through their teeth. But!

It's not "just" if it is not truly equal in all aspects, is it?

But I know for a fact that when I raise my members of the next generation that I will never spend a second wasted teaching or demonstrating hate for them to learn and exhibit. They may experience it as humans, but never towards another individual for an injustice.

Read up, know what's going on. Just because I've gotten basic glimpses of thoughts and perspectives, it doesn't excuse the fact I'm literally ignorant to all the problems of the world that I can help with.

The poor.

The hingry.

The homeless.

The blind.

The mute.

The deaf.

The ones who have more and are sad.

The ones who have less and are happy.

My family. My friends. My loved ones.

My life.

This isn't the only evil in the world to deal with.

It's just one people like to talk about because it'll make them feel better about doing nothing with themselves, if they haven't.

By the way, murder is murder and if someone's shot, they're shot. Whether he shot himself or was shot by another person, it doesn't discard the fact that it was a human's life that no other human being ever should have the right of possessing in any degree.

Not slavery. Not murder. Not oppression. Not injustice.

Let the day that my life and the lives of the ones I love be judged by a man for their goods and their sins and let that be the day that all of mankind shall be judged for the eternity of injustices that have happened, will happen and are still happening today.

Do not cry.
Do not fight.

Just remember to love.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

Ingrid Michaelson - "The Afterlife"

I've been feeling pretty good.

And since I've got a lot of reading for schoolwork, enjoy this video I just got updated on YouTube.

I love me some Ingrid.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

oh i will love you better .

8Tracks - "Do You See Blue The Way I See Blue" Playlist.

Happy Halloween! [ To those who participate, I guess. ]

So I'm a Dalmatian for the occasion. And I've got to start getting ready soon, but I just wanted to touch down in here for a really quick entry.

Bear with me, I'll have images in here to accommodate the awkward gaps soon.

Because it's Friday and I missed Tuesday's entry because I was busy getting my life sorted.

I visited my family in England!

They're beautiful. So happy I finally got to see them.

And we went to the Fun Fair, which was a ton of fun.

So, yeah. That was nice. I got to appreciate my family and they made me appreciate so much more. So many people. This whole experience is proving to do just that and ready me for a lot of things.

But here's another thing that I'm learning to appreciate for how much it challenges me: finishing what I started.

November's just hours away and with it comes National Novel Writing Month.

   
 NaNoWriMo.org
    November 1 - November 30

 
For those of you who know me as well as you do, you may recognize the acronym NaNoWriMo from whatever outlet or even entries from previous years. This year, I know what I'm gonna be writing about - I just have to get it organized, which will be happening right before I get on my late-start for it.

I've found a lot of people are reacting to my announcement this year, about participating in NaNoWriMo again. So, with that, I'm going to be doing some sort of uplifting reaches, posts, prompts, brain-dumpings in here or anywhere else people read up on my life as they will.

I just wanted to share that. It'll probably be some kind of creative jumpstart, in poetic or story form. We'll see how it goes.

Anyhow, I hope your lives are going well! Half-term for the people over here in England, mid-terms for the people back in The States and anything for everyone else just happened. Good luck on your studies, with your jobs, vacations or what have you.

Keep being beautiful and happy, because that's when you're at your best.

And, I'd like to remind you, that is just about all the time.

Here's to another month of 2014 gone and for November to bring beautiful harvests of intellect and experience!

"Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity"

11. Give yourself a break. Turn off the ambition, resolve, and prepare yourself with some gloves of adversity, of reminiscing and honor for your past to remove your container. It will be hot and weathered and possibly fragile, but your contents will have glazed over into a beautifully transformed heart. This heart that you recognize will have the same form, same shape, same beat, same everything. The only thing that will differ, but not limited to, will be its installation of appreciation. You'll learn to appreciate yourself so much more, ergo connecting appreciation, compassion, love and happiness to so much more in your surroundings.

<3 ~ Monty.
=]

[ we get along - some of us have to GROW UP sometimes ! [ ENGLAND SPECIAL ]

 Remember when I kept this an anonymous thing?

Maybe you weren't here for that far back. Maybe you only tuned in a year ago. Maybe a few months ago.

First thing's first, though.

Soundcloud - Sam Yung's Piano Cover Album of Paramore's Self-Titled Album. 

[ Some good tunes for these good times. ]

Now. That's better.

I just looked back. I created this blog in 2011, just as a means to spread the good I could the best way I knew how: writing.

It didn't matter what I wrote about, just as long as I was writing and telling people my thoughts.

But, now, with my connections expanding and growing each and every day, I'd like to say kindly that I've acknowledged who I am, what I'm setting as my purpose and why I love the people in my life. It makes things so much easier, just acknowledging and admitting that life is what it is and rolling with the punches. Granted, there's a joy, an excitement in adversity and the chase that gives our lives a bit more throttle at times. However, what you always want to remember is that you're not here to waste your days away - you are here to be happy.

Of course, you don't need me reminding you of that every Tuesday and Friday [ if that at all. ]

So, sorry I've been intensely AWOL since, like, July. I have a good reason!

Okay, maybe not from July to mid-September, but I'm in the U.K.!

I am! I swear! Look at these awesome pictures. It's super hard choosing from the entire album we share, so bear with me.

Photo by Ellen Waugh.

Photo by Ellen Waugh.

We went on a little stroll by the Thames River
with some of our friends.
[ L to R (Visible):
Anthony Armenio, Billy Nerney, Deb, Callan Backstrom ]

The guys.
[ Myself, Sean Diveny, Andre Lackey. Photo by Deb. ]

The girls!
[ Ellen Waugh, Deborah Bjornsti ]

Deb told me to get a good picture of the red road, and the cool guys on it.

So we walked...
[ Andre, Ellen ]

 

And we walked.
[ Sean, Deb, Andre ]

And we hit up the National Art Gallery.
[ Deb, Part of Andre, Ellen ]

Candids are my favorite but their least favorites.
[ Sean, Deb, Andre, Ellen ]

Looking down on the Square.
[ Deb, Sean, Ellen, Andre. ]

I went to find my friend and he took me on an awesome walk through Central.

And this is my favorite Romanian Londoner, Calin Chisalom.
[ Apparently they don't know how to spell my name. It's okay, though. ]

We visited Bath!
[ Photo by Deb. ]

[ Photo by Deb. ]

They touched it, don't tell!

 

Because Sean was making fun of my awesome picture with Stonehenge.
[ Photo by Deb. ]

Awesome statues that no one have a clue to in regards to origin and purpose.

Some manor or school. We saw people with dogs and kids in uniform

.

Leisurely strolls.
[ Visible:
Sean, Deb, Kaylyn Raymaker, Andre ]

Spitting some water into some water.

Repping my crew [ acapella group ] from on top of the Eiffel Tower
was fun.
[ Photo by Andre ]

My friend Tarah Saint-Elien came for the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards!

And she did a video, check it out!
Adorned in Armor's in London!

Some double deckers in Oxford Circus area.

Hopefully I've captioned them all appropriately and succinctly enough for you to catch the brevity of my endeavors. Haha.

But yeah, that's been my month and a half here in England in a nutshell. Of course there's been a ton of friend-making and sight-seeing and adoring of people back home, who I miss very much, obviously.

One of my friends, Nicole Sheehan, came to me, asking me of my experience in particular detail. She's been thinking about it herself and with her questions came my own revelation: how fortunate I am to be studying abroad, in England, where another heart of theatre resides outside of my personal range back home. When she asked what was the best "takeaway" experience I've had while over here [ and she didn't mean their alternative dubbing of takeout for some food or something ] I told her that it was a tough question, namely because I could ramble on and on about so many things.

I've been doing the 100 Happy Days challenge on my instagram. I'm not going to advertise it because it's not for the attention, but to express the joy and glee of my experiences here [ and also to distract me from how much I miss my friends back home. ] Coming over here with two friends and becoming closer with them from this mutual experience is one of my favorite notions that these three months will give me. Another could be all the readied British accents and knowledge that I could, possibly - don't quote me on this - retain and dish out to you guys and figure out how to utilize in my life when I return home. Most notably, however, was my response to her:

"Oh man. That's a loaded question.

It's a beautiful experience. Like, there are so many small moments and so many things that have happened that I actually cherish and that are making me appreciate life and all the things we do, the liberties we get as Americans.

To stay away from rambling on about nothing, I'm gonna just be honest and say that there's a lot more that I've learned about myself than I thought I would. Tapping into what I appreciate while I'm over here makes me feel more alive - it's subjective because [ I ] usually shoulder things and just transition through life.

You might learn something about yourself too. Like, something really worth while. I'm a lot clearer with what I want to do now that I'm over here.

It also helps to have new people who are just as passionate and talented as your friends back home. And to have fun, of course.

[ I don't know ] if that's in the general spectrum of what you were expecting to hear, but I guess that's what I've got. Hahah.

How's your day so far?"

Playing with strangers in a different audition environment taught me the readiness on my feet I needed; running around in class with exploring, physical thespians has taught me the utilities of my physicality that I have briefly kneaded with classes back home; exploring the countryside and walking through the city frequently has built my sense of navigation and reverence of culture.

I just wish I had an amazing camera like Deb's to capture all the beauty of it, crystal clear.

Regardless, I've been doing what I can by capturing moments and living them, simultaneously.

I'm not gonna lie - it's been pretty emotionally taxing. Before I left, I cried. When I got here, I napped all day, every day [ I still do that when I don't have classes. ] When I'm in class I'm overwhelmed with remembering things as I learned them and adapting to how the systems over here work.

But I can already tell it's going to be worth it.

Remember back in January? My birthday entry?

If you don't, take a look: "Alone" by Milika Cheree.

I had this Month-by-Month thing I've been trying to exact forever. And this year looked pretty solid until the summer rolled around and I let laziness get the best of me. I mean... not laziness - the busy schedule I had this summer. Yeah, two shows! Cats and Cabaret for a Cause.

My Cabaret for a Cause 2014 Family. Love you guys!
First day [ absent. ]
Opening night!
Closing night dinner.

My Soto Family. <3
[ L to R:
Mikey, Ash, Krista, Maria, Erika, My Beau Edgar ]

Well, here's the thing: it's October, month ten. Nearly the end of it, but just the same - October. I've been sucking at actually getting these entries out [ and I even have the application on my phone and rarely have wifi but just as much leisure time to write down scraps of thoughts, I guess. Whatever. ]

Nevertheless, here is what I wrote for the 10th step of Self-Promotion, Progress and Positivity.

10. Don't give up. It's hard when it's hard and it gets harder when you least expect it or need it. But there's always a reason for everything. And just like any other experience in life, the end result may differ from the original product: if you give one-hundred percent [ 100% ] of yourself to your commitments and to yourself, you will have nothing to worry about. The container will take the form of the people and things you set aside for the rubbish or that were very cherishable to you. You'll wonder how they got in and how they protected you from the relentless heat of Life, but never mind that - you've got other things to tend to.

Pretty straight-forward to me.

With these ten or so days left until Halloween, just make sure you enjoy your life to the fullest. Not because we're stuck on silly philosophies, but because we have the liberty to choose happiness and we scarcely do. We usually peg the pessimism on one another, improperly appropriating burdens and claiming that we have no choice.

Take a step back, take a deep breath, then give it another go.

All the quotes you hear about success or failure share the same theme - every single one of them: persistence. Dedication.

In your process of making yourself a better people, just remember that those people and things that you cherish in that malleable, comforting container you've just put through so much filtering and discretion are all in your life for one reason or another.

Make them feel appreciated and let them know that you're not here to waste their time, but to always do your best.

Cheers!
<3 ~ Your international [ for now ] Monty.
=]

P.s. - I've been without Spotify and co. for a while [ international licensing and such, ] so I've been exploring 8Tracks. It's really interesting, expect the next entry to have a playlist!

Now off I go to watch some Sailor Moon with Deb and Andre!

8Tracks User: Monty Maestro

wait 'til our bones are older, our stones to reach the sky ~

I'm sitting in my bed, like I used to all the time.

It's the Fourth of July, America's Independence Day, "Independence from Meat Day" [ according to DaysoftheYear.Com ] and the day my muse decided to pay me a visit.

There's a heap of yarn strings, readied to be prepped for wig-making, the box of tissues they're going into.

I'm listening to an amalgamation of wonderful, thought-evoking sounds:

A favorite veteran, RainyMood soothes my scattered thoughts with some stream-like distance.

A greatly-appreciated partner to the music I am introduced to, InfiniteLooper plays "Atlantic" by Givers, a group introduced to me by one of my dear friends, Soraya [ I called her "Inspi" simply because her username's much more apt. ]

"Atlantic ( Acoustic )" - Givers

We were just panicking, trying to recall the website that we experienced together, which I found very interesting. I don't remember who showed it to me, but thank you to whoever did:

Check out your birthday here: You're Getting Old [ It's really freaky and super awesome, share it with your friends, too! ]


Lastly, an intricate detail that somehow ties it all together: Coffitivity. [ "Lunchtime Lounge" is my particular favorite. ]

Next to me are my pillows and my two boys: Domon and his younger brother Memo Jr., who was a Christmas present from the love of my life.

There's a binder with my audition music in it and a coverless George Orwell's 1984 [ whose date I can never get right nor whose contents I can never stomach enough to commit to reading. ] Beneath it is a file folder, marked "Completed Surveys" that I need to tend to for my mom.

My phone is face down. My room is newly decorated with images from a Disney calendar that I hung in my dorm with my best pal of a roommate, Igor, and from a dog calendar my mom bought me for my room from last summer.

The latest addition to the stuffed animal family on my couch - large, plump and orange - appears to fit in remarkably well, with her simple bill and bulging, blue eyes: Cock.

My brother was doing crunches earlier, but has succumbed to his fatigue and has been laying under his top sheet, idly focusing to his Nintendo 2DS.

My participation contract for CATS is sticking out of all the papers I have stacked to my right, and my SAT Prep book is waiting for me to commit to sharpening my mind with its contents.

-

I don't know what it was that, of all days this year, convinced me to sit down and open this, as if I had nothing else to do, but when I thought about trying to write something for today, everything in my body eased and complied.

It was just... nicely complacent.

Well, it's been a while and I sincerely apologize. I feel like I've lost my way, like I don't know what it is that I'm doing because I've been so busy on my feet, trying to orient myself with my own judgment rather than sticking to the regiment I was always abiding by and writing out my thoughts. Eventually, things melded together in the frenzy that was my life, then took a dramatic slow and eventually brought itself to a steady pace.

Because it's left me in its wake, I don't know how to handle my life.

But I've got some ideas and I'm going to try them out.

I opened this, expecting nothing, but when I saw the statistics of the page, I was surprised to find that there were about 35 views during last month and five from this week: I haven't written anything substantial for months and the fact that even anyone is stumbling across this or even bothering to pay attention to this, for whatever reason, strikes me.

I'm humbled and so excited at the same time.

Here's the thing.

It's JULY. I've been trying to stick to that recipe to become a better person that I told you guys about? It was a hypothetical project, but what better results to prove than to do it myself. I've been trying to convince myself that each month has yielded some sort of semblance to what I've been intending to do, though it's never truthfully intentional.

I've reached a point in my life where I am surrounded with so many people who love me and so many blessings that I'm beginning to take it for granted. This is something that most certainly cannot happen. I owe it to every individual I've encountered to be completely honest with them, and this is a promise that I not only made to the man I fell in love with, Edgar [ for those of you who didn't already know or had some clues but didn't know the full story, ] as well as all the other people in the world I have met, am still meeting and will meet in the future. You know how this goes.

When I looked at the blog the other day, just to keep my mind open for mentioning July's intentions if and only if I got around to an entry, I noticed something:

7.  Stir steadily with an instrument of action. Do, don't think upon everything. Get out of your comfort zone for a few days or weeks or months and try something new that will not only make you feel alive and well, but will also bring you good karma and prosperity.

"An instrument of action."

I've been coasting for so long in my life, always doing things half-effort and with little acknowledgment of the repercussions or anything like that. When I talk to people about this, they're consoling me with sentiments of compassion and understanding, assuring me that I'm being too hard on myself. But, I'm only being honest because it doesn't feel as genuine as I know it could feel - as I've known it felt before.

I'm repairing things with my family, first and foremost. I've told most of them what I need them what I feel like they need to know in order for me to feel fully comfortable around them - the others will come in time and with a learning experience. Most notably, I've discussed many things with my mom, many-a-time, and I'm making the personal resolution to try and mend our relationship, if not start a new one altogether. This is certainly out of my comfort zone, considering anyone who's anyone knows about how I am with my family.

Essentially, my friends are my effective family. I learned how to deal with people from my relatives, though I never learned how to love my relatives unconditionally because I was always operating, instead of living.

"Good karma and prosperity."

This is something that I swear by - everything that I do is always in the best interest of bringing good to other people or occasionally to myself. I'm learning a lot from not only being in a relationship but from the person with whom I'm in the relationship. He's got a lot of things to learn, he's told me, and I'm always assuring him that "as long as you give me your bad, I'll give you all of my good."

And because I just convert all my personal "bad" into "good," I guess that's the vicious cycle that's going to turn belly-up when it's overloaded on good. Then, maybe, it'll turn into a better relationship. And, like, soar through the clouds or something. But if it doesn't, I won't be upset. I can't tell the future, I can only convince myself of mine and work for it.

But, I just wanted to dip my toes back in this, see how the ropes are. Things are a little choppy and stiff, but once I get back into the rhythm, I'll figure something out.

Life Update:

Spring Semester was hectic with two shows that I learned a lot with. Unemployed for the summer; spending as much time as I can with mister-man before studying abroad in England [ for further information, feel free to contact me privately. ] I'm musical director of one of my acapella groups, so I'm trying to learn how to arrange songs without them being super complicated and also managing public relations / social media things for the other [ making a website's the biggest project I'm doing for them, so keep your eyes peeled. ]

`Til Further Notes - Our entire concert is up there, and our recorded videos are being released regularly.

I'm in CATS with my friend Leah from uni and a number of other darlings from the cast of Hairspray last summer. I'm still applying to jobs, trying to help out my mom with her business and trying to have a fun summer, visiting my friends all over the place with an empty wallet.

I'm happy that I have someone really special and awesome to hold my hand along the way and, hopefully, my mom to reteach me everything that I convinced myself I never learned.

Such as to have faith in myself and also the faith that I grew up on.

Thanks for sticking with me, guys.
Hope you don't get too lost too.
If you have any questions or concerns, I'm almost always open to communicate.
Just, y'know, don't get too afraid to talk. I know I do sometimes. Haha.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some more writing to do.

<3 ~ Darin.
=]

"Hardly anything at all..."

I've been in the whirlwind of a semester this spring. I absolutely loved every waking moment of my time in the same vicinity of some of the greatest people that I have encountered thus far. I just wanted to attribute this entry to acknowledging the individuals who I immediately worked with in Reasons to be Pretty at Rider University. Let it be known that even though these are relatively short, I have so many things I wish I could say that you all would understand how much I adore and appreciate every single one of you without being completely redundant. Thank you so much for such a wonderful experience, I'm so honored and humbled by the talent and such a kind environment wherein I never felt that my learning experience was a downfall to anyone.


Greg - It's been such an honor to be your understudy ( and even though I definitely haven't been the best one, ) it's taught me so much and being in the same environment as you has taught me so many things. I really admire your talent and how things seem to come so easily to you. I wish you well in the future and you're definitely going places. Hopefully I can take what I've learned and instill the level of passion and talent that I've observed and taken note of into everything I do. Thank you so much for this opportunity, Greg. You're amazing.

Dan - Danny boy oh boy~ Thanks so much for this awesome experience. As many times I had to go on for Greg and had conniptions, I appreciate you talking me through them. I wish I had more opportunities to work with you guys so that I would be able to learn a lot more than I already have from both you and Greg. I'm really happy for you doing so well at Rider and I know you're gonna get far. Take care of yourself and I hope you're happy with everything that you do.

Melissa - Melissaaaaaaa! I'm so honored to have been in this show with you. This experience definitely was one of the most interesting parts of my life to date and I'm so happy that I got to spend time with you. You're so amazing and talented and gorgeous and such a kind and genuine person that it makes me envious that you're my ( and Igor's ) favorite Steph that there ever was and ever will be. Thank you so much for all of your kind words and your good vibes. At first I was afraid of Abigail, but I learned to admire and respect the Stephanie I now know.

Allie - Ugh. You're so amazing. From Chorus Line to Reasons, you've always been a gem in my eye and I'm so happy that we got to share the space and stage at times. Sorry I was basically stumbling all over the place. Thank you for being such a wonderful person. You are literally the best, and I'm so happy that we're gonna get to spend more years together at Rider. I really hope we get to work on more shows together. Thank you so much.

Angelica - I love you, my fellow understudy. Thank you so much. You are beautiful and I could not have asked for a better secret-asshole to always flounder around with. There are so many things I could say but I do not have the words nor do you have the time to bear with all of them. Hahah. Carry on with your amazing life. Herp a derp.

Emma - I am so happy to have been in both of the shows you worked on this semester. It's always lovely to spend time with you and it's even better that I got the chance to better myself with you in the learning environment. It makes me feel very happy to know that even the Venezuelan doesn't get some of the references to reasons, and that he'll have to spend his time deciphering things. Mwahahah. Thank you very much for everything, Emma!

Frankie - Sorry, I'm busy that day.

Braden - Ah! I'm so glad that we got to work on this show together. You're such a professional and your demeanor in rehearsals definitely inspired me to strive to be better in my craft and be professional about things. Thanks, Brandon. Brenden. Braydon. Brennan. ( Sorry. I promise I know your name. It's there. See? )

Courtney - Me love me some Courtney! Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you're a part of my life. Point blank. Thank you so much.

Milika - I love you. One of my greatest friends to work on such a great show with me. You know me inside out and I'm so happy and so privileged to have had this opportunity with you. Thank you for everything and I'm still working at repaying you for everything you've every given me in my life. Forever.

Miriam - Miriam, I don't know where to begin. I'm so honored that you invested in me and saw whatever growth I had from my acting class with you to the audition room. Thank for creating such an educating and nurturing space for me to participate in my first legitimate straight play as an understudy, with such talented and amazing individuals. There are never enough hours in the day that I can devote to my passion and craft and whenever there's a fault in my dedication or my focus in what I need to take care of, I really, truly appreciate you giving me a reality check and reinstalling the latent courage I've developed to keep going. I aspire to be the great performer that you'll permit me to be, and I will do my damndest to strive to become better every single day. Arigatou gozaimasu. ( Thank you very much. )


<3 ~ Monty.
=]